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I Hate Me

I hate me. Ive been depressed since 3rd grade. Ive had a lot of problems growing up. But right now i hate me because i have been depressed non-stop for the passed 7 years. I have bad days and worse days. I am a shopaholic. I amĀ  very broke but cant stop shopping.I HATE ME. I spent over $5,000 on credit since September. Im a stay at home mom. I am trying so hard to stop. I mostly have but still stumble at times. Ive explained to my teen that i have a problem. I hate myself because of my disease. . I hate myself because of my depression. My depression dictates my life. I have gone to group a few times. I have a psychiatrist and counselor. The medication helps some. I don't want to die i have a husband and
2 girls who all depend on me. Just want to be normal.
SheldonCooperRocks SheldonCooperRocks 41-45, F 3 Responses Feb 17, 2013

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I hate this story I wrote. I believe it was my first work of art, here on E.P.
I sound so pathetic. If I didn't know it was me who wrote this i'd want to kick the authors ***. However since I can't do that I can tell you I mostly have been in control. But sometimes I need a few things. Must haves.

A man should uplift himself by his own self, so let him not weaken this self. For this self is the friend of oneself, and this self is the enemy of oneself.

The self (the active part of our nature) is the friend of the self, for him who has conquered himself by this self. But to the unconquered self, this self is inimical, (and behaves) like (an external) foe.

~ Bhagavad Gita

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Complete_Works_of_Swami_Vivekananda/Volume_2/Work_and_its_Secret

I have tried hobies. I start out loving thembut then after a couple of months i cant stand it any more. Except readind ilove to read, but i dont get me time til about. 11at night after my kids go to bed.and. after i clean up the house.