Drowning

I think i'm lost, stuck ...stuck in my mind
stuck in this crap
i hurt myself by doing some things, counting and counting, cut, ..
i just don't know what to do anymore i'm tired and stressed at the same time..
stressed about school, my body and what i eat, my mind,
can i ever find some piece? is there anyone who has the same thing

struggles with food, eating disorder
counting disorder (counting of my calories over and over again)

my mom is the only one who knows how i feel and she hates to see me like this..
i hate myself for giving her this feeling

it feels like i'm in prison , stuck between four walls ..
i'm alone , with her ..she is filled with negative thoughts and i can't turn it off i just can't.
i hate her , she is mean and she is turning every positive thing in to negative..
i'm drowning because i'm lost, i lost the real me a long time ago..
she is there i know her , she shows up when my mom, my kitten and i are just having a good time...i love them
i don't love myself she is weak ..empty, vulnerable.

weak..thats what my dad said to me when i asked him something about myself..





this story has no structure or clarity
but its the only way to express myself in words formed by these letters lying on my keyboard