I Hate Me

I hate myself because I don't like the way I think and feel, behave and react, and generally how I experience life and interact with the world... 

There are billions of people on this planet, with spectrums of individual differences so wide that statistically, there must be some people loved by very many people, some people loved by a moderate number of people, some people loved by only a few people, and so forth until finally, there are some people not loved by anyone.. not even themselves.

Well.. that's probably not true, at least not practically, but it's some sort of explanation. I guess that life doesn't always go our way. We can't always do what we feel like. Nor have everything we want. So it happens to be that I'm not the kind of person I like. Hmm.

I know there's something wrong with that argument and that kind of thinking.. my kind of thinking, but I can't think through it. I wouldn't think this way if I weren't myself. I hate myself.
Scarlet Scarlet
18-21, F
12 Responses Jun 2, 2007

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I have a gay stalker. Help.

I understand exactly how you feel! I hate myself too. I was looking to see if anyone thought like me. Most people hate their physical appearance. That's not the case for me. I hate my thoughts and feelings and how I interact with people. Every time I try to change, I do something stupid again and hate myself. And I don't want to sound like an angsty teen (I'm 19 btw), but no one in my life understands me. And it hurts not to be able to talk to anyone, I've tried telling some people but they just don't understand.

No one should hate themselves as u said 'how I experience life and interact with the world'
u can control this you can go skydiving if u want because that is yr choice and i hope u will make the right choices to happiness if u need more please send me a message maybe u will feel better

I hate myself too. My very core. I am an awful person. I feel inhuman. I can not accept love because of this, nor can I give true love. I have tried to change. I'm not good enough. I derive some comfort from knowing that there are others that truly hate themselves the way I do. Thank you for sharing. I used to take anti-depressants to prevent suicide, but at this point I hate myself so much that I don't feel that I deserve to die. I deserve to live and suffer and hurt. I deserve to at least give my family and friends my life. I can never accept their love but I can at least prevent any pain my death would bring. So I managed to find some nobility in living on. I still think I am worthless. But I am fighting the selfish desires that make me hate me. Keep fighting it. Please. I know this is years later, but if you read this, keep fighting it. Please.

aww babes, u are not the only one. I identify with you. i have hated myself since i was a child, and i'm a 26 yr old with two girls(who i desperately don't want to go through this, and i know that if they see it in me they will be aware and start checking themselves) but God found me in Sept 2010 and since then He has been healing me. Slowly slowly, day by day, He has delivered me from 14 years of bulimia, and is changing up my mind sets...the bible says, transformed by the renewing of your mind. If you ask Him to show you if He is real, and give Him a open minded chance to show you, He will. Anyways aside from that I love you and am crushed to think of someone hurting like this. I cant be the only one. Also how can you not like how you think..."There are billions of people on this planet, with spectrums of individual differences so wide that statistically, there must be some people loved by very many people, some people loved by a moderate number of people, some people loved by only a few people, and so forth until finally, there are some people not loved by anyone.. not even themselves" is amazing. Love you, hope you find people who love you and build you up xxxx

I feel you sister. I couldn't have put it better myself. <br />
I hate myself too, and so does everyone else.<br />
I can only hope that life will get better for you.

it's an awful feeling, isn't it?<br />
<br />
Apparently, it's a normal thing for everyone to suffer through depression now a days. So - with some research claiming, I'd like to announce that you will get better.<br />
<br />
I've been there too. <br />
And it's hard.<br />
getting out of bed, looking in the mirror, going to school/work, talking to people, etc.<br />
A good thing that you've got going for you is that you are here, on experience project, and we're all trying to help you.<br />
But something you should know, that is unless you honestly want to feel better about yourself -<br />
it doesn't matter a damn bit who's there for you.<br />
<br />
As long as someone refuses the help - they'll just steadily get worse.<br />
That was me.<br />
But you know, after months - years even, of being unhappy, of continuing an abusive relationship, and countless tears on my poetry<br />
-I've sorta realized that that's not who I want to be.<br />
<br />
you have to love yourself first before any one else can love you.<br />
<br />
True - every situation and every person are different. But the point is that we all feel pain.<br />
I'm sorry about your pain.<br />
<br />
We all hope that you (and DND)(and any and every one else) get better.<br />
<br />
Please take our advice, and try to feel more friendly to yourself.<br />
<br />
I do reccomend writing.<br />
I do/did it all the time. Just a journal or college ruled paper - and I wrote out exactly and every feeling that I felt, and why I thought that I felt it. There will be connections amongst them - and if you do it daily, I'm sure there will be something to follow there too. (No - I didn't doccument daily, but just when I was feeling my worst - most intense. That worked for me.)<br />
<br />
Good luck, and chin up.<br />
<br />
-oh. And your writing is impeccable.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I know what it is like. I hate myself most of the time. I drink a lot just so I feel like someone else. Sorry you have to deal with it too.

It sounds cheesy, but Pisces Dream is right when saying "Be your own best friend". I was depressed for a while because I don't really have any real friends. I felt lonely, but I decided to start trying to just enjoy my own company. I just try and pamper myself and make myself happy and not worry about anyone else.

I learned how truly important it is to love yourself after I had a break-up. A couple months later, unfortunately, I went abroad for a while, and I...forgot how. I fell into the worst depression of my life. I'm surprised I'm stil alive. I'm working with therapists and making my way back. I'm making this promise to myself though. That I will NEVER give up again. Because each time I let myself fall, it gets harder and harder to get myself back up.

I know what it feels like. I have been there. I was there for a long time. It felt like there was a deep dark dungeon in my soul. It felt terrible and bleak and lost. Please stop hating yourself immediately! Start being your own best friend. You are all u have. If you don't love yourself who else will love you? Find a good therapist to help you work through this. It may take a long time as it did for me, but I am finally free of this negative thinking. Go easy on yourself. Find out what makes you happy write it down. Find out what you have to be grateful for. Write it down everyday, at least five things you are grateful for. It can be anything such as a bird singing, the sunshine, a nice bubble bath, a good friend to talk to, a good book, a good movie, your brother, your sister, you dog, etc., Five things everyday for a month and then get back to me. Please be good to yourself. We are all unique and special and one of a kind. "Your presence is a present to the world. Count your blessings not your troubles. Remember that a little love goes a long way. Remember that a lot. . . goes forever. And don't ever forget . . . for even a day... HOW VERY SPECIAL YOU ARE."<br />
<br />
What have u got to lose?<br />
<br />
Another good plan is Cognitive Therapy. <br />
<br />
I sincerely hope you do try some if not all of these methods for yourself and stick to it. No one else can do it for you. <br />
<br />
God Bless You<br />
<br />
Someone who understands