Not Comfortable In My Own Skin

I am uncomfortable with who I am.  I guess that's why I am undesirable to women. 
ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
22 Responses Jun 11, 2007

reformed, you have not seen yourself through the eyes of Jesus, who came and loved everyone ,he is risen and he loves you today. you are someone wonderful and special and born for agreat good purpose, it is found in recieving his love for you, he will make you lovable

Here is a link to a Free Personal Development Audio Book - I hope you can gain something from it :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWDiXN8nAx4&feature=youtu.be

I know exactly how you're feeling.<br />
I wish that sometimes a guy would just look at me like I'm something more than just that girl. <br />
I went to homecoming saturday and I took hours getting ready just hoping that one guy would notice that I'm not just any other sophomore girl. I just wish that someone would get to know me before they judged me... they'd be pretty surprised.

Well you have such a great and compassionate attitude. My best advice is to turn that compassion inward. Give yourself a break. I'm slowly learning to do that. Meditation helps...one of the things that really helps me is to accept those negative critical thoughts. Don't try to push them away or forget them cause that will keep em coming back. If you begin to accept those thoughts, not embrace them but accept that they are there, that's the first real step to overcoming them. Those thoughts are in your subconcious. I'm sure you, like me, don't go around thinking "I'm such a sorry person" all day long. It's something that comes up by itself, like when you look in the mirror (the mirror causes it in me too). Try smiling at yourself in the mirror. It's really hard at first, I feel like I look stupid, but eventually it seems to make me feel happier. Just smiling more in general, at other people, or even just having a subtle smile when you walk around, seems to help a lot. Good luck, you are super awesome!

I'm pretty uncomfortable with myself as well. It's so hard to be around people when i don't even like who i am most the time. The thing is, all these people see this wonderful person inside of me and sometimes i just wonder where she goes when i look into the mirror. <br />
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I think, the hardest part of being a "grown up" for me is to try and figure out what _i_ want... what will make me proud of me... it's a regular struggle.

I don't have much time to comment but I'm glad you can feel me on that entitlement bit. I'm sure guys have the same thing going on but it manifests differently. I've tried to talk to women here on EP about this whole distance/vague/entitlement thing and they don't seem to know what the hell I'm talking about.<br />
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I think you may be right that I need to raise my standards. I don't mean to 'toot my own horn' but I probably am aiming too low, mainly just cause I've had nothing over the years.<br />
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Yes I agree there are good people doing good things out there but I don't meet many of them. I think the thing for me is to stop flapping my damn lips and actually get active with my beliefs. Austin is pretty weak for activism but that's no excuse. I'm thinking of moving to Portland, Ore. Anyway, gotta go...more later :)

hey....thanks for the input :)<BR><BR>I'm getting better at approaching women I'm attracted too. I generally just ask them out on a casual date....coffee or lunch. I wouldn't start out with the cooking thing cause I'm not gonna invite someone over to my house for a first date. I certainly like to cook for them later. <BR><BR>I probably average about 6 hours a week on the computer. It's a bit much but I've become addicted to blogging and have a few ongoing conversations with people. I also do fantasy basketball :) I tried Craigslist but didn't work. I've tried OK cupid as well but I tend to only meet weirdos. I'm a weirdo too but had a hard time meeting my brand of weirdo.<BR><BR>I do want a relationship b/c I have spent years mired in depression and alcoholism unable to have one. I'm over 2 years sober now and I feel it's time. I've dated 2 women in the past year for 3-4 months but those went sour and since then I've had 3 f#ckbuddy type situations. I became unsatisfied with those (right about the time I started taking meds). Yes I do want sex...badly!!!! But I'm able to hold off for now until I find someone. I really like to have regular meaningful sex with a woman that actually sleeps over. I love to have long sessions at night and then more in the morning. <BR><BR>What do I want the other person to bring? Well I try to have no expectations but I want someone who will be attentive to me. I can't handle distant type women (who I have a knack for finding). Women who are perpetually late or who don't return calls...act and speak in a vague manner, are out. Attentive is probably not the right word...I don't want someone to serve me at all. I just mean someone that is into me and is responsive, that's probably the better word. I want to have a balanced reciprocating relationship.<BR><BR>My moods have stabilized compared to where I've been in the past year but they're still a little off since I took those f#cking steroids. I'm feeling better though and in the next couple of months I feel like I will be feeling much better.

Thanks :) I Couldn't agree more...I'm now much better at having compassion for myself than when I wrote this. I was severely depressed at the time.

im not sure on this one-but always love you. you are numero uno then love everyone after that!

I"ve heard of all those except Jack Herer. I don't make that much money though so I mostly hit the schwag. Wish I could afford the good stuff :)

LoL nice! I got the Jack Herer and Blueberrys ;-) yummy! Never tried white widow :-(

Hell yeah never turn down a toke! :-)

Thanks meangreen...good advice. I definitely don't credit myself enough for what I do well. I'm working on that. Hope you're having a great holiday. I think I may go out and have a little christmas morning 420 session....wanna join me? :-)

I think all you need to do is associate yourself into the world... Your into music, so show it off. Some women go crazy over guys that do music. I think you give yourself far too little credit! Or maybe you forget you have wonderful qualities too. Explore your talents publicly so women will line up for your attention! :-) good luck!

I think all you need to do is associate yourself into the world... Your into music, so show it off. Some women go crazy over guys that do music. I think you give yourself far too little credit! Or maybe you forget you have wonderful qualities too. Explore your talents publicly so women will line up for your attention! :-) good luck!

no no no those people your thinking of only feel good about themselves by putting others down <br />
they are really just as insecure as us...if not more so <br />
people like that value superiority over success <br />
they dont care about what they do with thier lives as long as they can feel that they are doing better than everyone else

well said...I think it's too bad that people often perceive kindness to be weakness. Confidence is often seen in people who are not kind but those who act like jerks, treating people however they want.

Well I think No matter what you look like People will alwaysbe attracted to Confindence ..I personally am a push over for genuene kindness

Aww, well thank you that is very sweet to say. I'm not having the best night so hearing that really does make me feel good.

"Just thnk, all of the truly great people never were good looking..."<br />
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I don't necessarily think that's true...sure, they weren't all good-looking, but some of them were. And I don't think this pertains to ReformedAutomaton, anyway; he is a good-looking guy.

I know I've been blessed in some ways but it's hard for me to see sometimes. I don't think desiring relations with women is a block to achieving what I want. I have thought that in the past and have devoted much of my life to music rather than relationships. I haven't had a girlfriend in years, even a casual relationship. I'm not looking for the moon and the stars. But I would like to have a taste of what everyone else on earth seems to come across easily.

says who? :-p You just need someone to get to know you for who you are inside ......