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Im a Fat Piece of ****.

being depressed early on in life made me take medication, which caused me to gain weight, which has caused me to... hate myself more.

 

i have people who love me, but im soo lonely. im 20 years old, i've never had a boyfriend, had my first kiss last year (with a boy i met off the internet that i was "in love" with..) i didnt tell himit was my first kiss though, so i freaked out and pushed him away. he was one of the easiest people in the world for me to talk to, but i lost him. because i suck.

 

i hate myself that i feel/think that no one could ever love me. i dont give most people a chance to know me, because.... theres no redeeming quality about me. im selfish, ugly, and possessive. im jealous of most girls that walk by.

 

im stuck at age 14 FOREVER. Jesus ******* Christ, does this **** ever ******* end?!

Theunicoe Theunicoe 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 11, 2008

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unicore, all we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned to our own ways, but god is not punishing us,
turn around, change your thoughts, believe in the good news. and you will find rest in your mind. Rom 5:8 But God has shown us how much he loves us---it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!
Rom 5:9 By his blood we are now put right with God; how much more, then, will we be saved by him from God's anger!
Rom 5:10 We were God's enemies, but he made us his friends through the death of his Son. Now that we are God's friends, how much more will we be saved by Christ's life!
Rom 5:11 But that is not all; we rejoice because of what God has done through our Lord Jesus Christ, who has now made us God's friends.
Rom 5:12 Sin came into the world through one man, and his sin brought death with it. As a result, death has spread to the whole human race because everyone has sinned.
Rom 5:13 There was sin in the world before the Law was given; but where there is no law, no account is kept of sins.
Rom 5:14 But from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, death ruled over all human beings, even over those who did not sin in the same way that Adam did when he disobeyed God's command. Adam was a figure of the one who was to come.
Rom 5:15 But the two are not the same, because God's free gift is not like Adam's sin. It is true that many people died because of the sin of that one man. But God's grace is much greater, and so is his free gift to so many people through the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ.
Rom 5:16 And there is a difference between God's gift and the sin of one man. After the one sin, came the judgment of "Guilty"; but after so many sins, comes the undeserved gift of "Not guilty!"
Rom 5:17 It is true that through the sin of one man death began to rule because of that one man. But how much greater is the result of what was done by the one man, Jesus Christ! All who receive God's abundant grace and are freely put right with him will rule in life through Christ.
Rom 5:18 So then, as the one sin condemned all people, in the same way the one righteous act sets all people free and gives them life.
Rom 5:19 And just as all people were made sinners as the result of the disobedience of one man, in the same way they will all be put right with God as the result of the obedience of the one man.
Rom 5:20 Law was introduced in order to increase wrongdoing; but where sin increased, God's grace increased much more.
Rom 5:21 So then, just as sin ruled by means of death, so also God's grace rules by means of righteousness, leading us to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Your story struck a chord in me because you could almost be me talking... I feel I relate so very strongly. I am not very good with words or encouragement so here is a part of one of my favourite spoken word poem. I find it a little uplifting...<br />
<br />
All the responsible adults in mylife tell me 'cheer up kid, you'll be happy one day'<br />
No, **** you, that's what losers say<br />
Me, I'm busy like openheimer <br />
Building bombs for cancer<br />
Like the institution stickin it to the everyman<br />
Like a hat with sequins on the brim and a feather<br />
I'm busy trying to forget just what it is I'm trying to forget <br />
And the fact I haven't done it yet doesn't matter<br />
Because if not dealing with it mkes me a zombie <br />
Then i am zombie with good grade<br />
I have traded self worth for accolades<br />
<br />
And there are those who would try and tell you<br />
That until you are truly happy with yourself none of the pain will go away<br />
And that, clearly, is also what losers say<br />
Because just the other day I saw you mesmerize a firefighter by blowing out the candles on a birthday cake<br />
And I can't help wondering if I still look like whatever it is that you wish <br />
When you fall into my eyes like a goldfish <br />
Out of the plastic bag and into the tank <br />
Everytime I bl<x>ink you jump back<br />
There are children tapping at the glass<br />
There are whole past lives there we wondered <br />
If love was a river we could stpe in twice<br />
Heard all the advice from fishermen saying <br />
Sink or swim there are other fish in the sea <br />
There are other poeple just dying to abuse me <br />
But we don't know where to begin<br />
Except to remind ourselves over and over sometimes love does win <br />
And until all our grief and all our remembering is spent<br />
So thats what I meant<br />
when you asked how I was doing<br />
I'm fine<br />
I've been keeping busy<br />
and for a second there, <br />
I forgot.