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Im a Fat Piece of ****.

being depressed early on in life made me take medication, which caused me to gain weight, which has caused me to... hate myself more.

 

i have people who love me, but im soo lonely. im 20 years old, i've never had a boyfriend, had my first kiss last year (with a boy i met off the internet that i was "in love" with..) i didnt tell himit was my first kiss though, so i freaked out and pushed him away. he was one of the easiest people in the world for me to talk to, but i lost him. because i suck.

 

i hate myself that i feel/think that no one could ever love me. i dont give most people a chance to know me, because.... theres no redeeming quality about me. im selfish, ugly, and possessive. im jealous of most girls that walk by.

 

im stuck at age 14 FOREVER. Jesus ******* Christ, does this **** ever ******* end?!

Theunicoe Theunicoe 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 11, 2008

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Your story struck a chord in me because you could almost be me talking... I feel I relate so very strongly. I am not very good with words or encouragement so here is a part of one of my favourite spoken word poem. I find it a little uplifting...<br />
<br />
All the responsible adults in mylife tell me 'cheer up kid, you'll be happy one day'<br />
No, **** you, that's what losers say<br />
Me, I'm busy like openheimer <br />
Building bombs for cancer<br />
Like the institution stickin it to the everyman<br />
Like a hat with sequins on the brim and a feather<br />
I'm busy trying to forget just what it is I'm trying to forget <br />
And the fact I haven't done it yet doesn't matter<br />
Because if not dealing with it mkes me a zombie <br />
Then i am zombie with good grade<br />
I have traded self worth for accolades<br />
<br />
And there are those who would try and tell you<br />
That until you are truly happy with yourself none of the pain will go away<br />
And that, clearly, is also what losers say<br />
Because just the other day I saw you mesmerize a firefighter by blowing out the candles on a birthday cake<br />
And I can't help wondering if I still look like whatever it is that you wish <br />
When you fall into my eyes like a goldfish <br />
Out of the plastic bag and into the tank <br />
Everytime I bl<x>ink you jump back<br />
There are children tapping at the glass<br />
There are whole past lives there we wondered <br />
If love was a river we could stpe in twice<br />
Heard all the advice from fishermen saying <br />
Sink or swim there are other fish in the sea <br />
There are other poeple just dying to abuse me <br />
But we don't know where to begin<br />
Except to remind ourselves over and over sometimes love does win <br />
And until all our grief and all our remembering is spent<br />
So thats what I meant<br />
when you asked how I was doing<br />
I'm fine<br />
I've been keeping busy<br />
and for a second there, <br />
I forgot.