Amidst the Flames

I'm having another one of my 'Dark Days'.

It has been a long day. A long, dreary, streesful and overheated day. I get a lot done on these days. But very little of it actually helps me. Nor others.

I have spent many an hour thinking. Thinking about nothing. Thinking about everything. Although I doubt anything will come of them.

Or at least, not yet.

I've been thinking about anarchy. Chaos. Destruction. Disaster. Pain.

How really, it is the only thing that we can rely on in human nature. It is salvation in its most agonising and fairest form. Anarchy helps us figure out who we are. What to do.
To help us weed out the liars. The cowards. The braves. The followers. The bodies.

So, so many bodies. Over and over they fall. One on top of the other. layer upon layer. Blood upon blood.

Chaos is an insentive to discover ourselves.

I've been thinking about it a lot. If something were to happen. Something very, very bad. What would we resort to? What would we become? Would we rely on our natural instincts to do what must be done in order to survive? Or would we fall and become victim to the anarchy?

To die, in short.

When chaos kicks in, people show you who they really are. The ones who run. The ones who stay. The ones who fight. The ones who fall.

I like to think that I would run. That I would take them with me to find somewhere safe and quiet. I like to think that I would be a bigger person than I am and take responsibility for those following.

I would like to. But I know that it would be a lie.

I would not stay to save those left behind. There is only one person that I would stay for. I would not run to save myself or others. I would not fight to reach the light again. I know exactly what it is that I would do. I know because I have been doing it for almost a decade.

I would fall.

Purposely. Happily. And hilariously painfully.

But those who turn against the others. I can see who would and who wouldn't. God, I can see it simply by looking at them. It's like an aura. But instead of colours, there are emotions. Fears. Dirty little secrets.

I can see who is lying. I can see who is laughing.

Most of them are lying. Few of them are laughing. But that is not what the world should be. The world should be full of laughter, albeit agonising, final-minutes laughter. Laughing is better than crying. It is always better than crying.

You should never go down fighting. You should go down laughing.

Before, I went down fighting. I have gone down without a fight. I have gone down kicking and screaming. But it is only now that I can see that I must go down laughing.

Laughing amidst the flames.

Meeoko Meeoko
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 10, 2009

Wow, that is a great explanation for why I find it so erotic to bend over and let groups of HIV positive men give it to me bareback, then beg them to come right up my ***. We all know they are infecting me with aids and I let them and find it strangely and intensly satisfying. This story explains why.

((HUGS))<br />
I wonder why I am the same way. I have been having alot of sad days and dark days as well. <br />
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I didn't used to but lately my mood has been up and down. <br />
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I read this and thought wow I know how it that is. <br />
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I agree with deadalready htough what is human nature? Is there one?

Hm. Is there human nature? Or is it all just conditioning?