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HATE MYSELF

I have always hated myself really I think. But more so than I used to.

I hate myself for what I am doing to my friends who are trying to help me. I hate what I am doing in my life most of the time. I hate that I feel so betrayed by myself and my family that I no longer even am able to trust and who are no longer what I call family! I hate that I cause myself pain by trying to do what I feel I need to do but am not sure I want to do.

 

I hate myself for causing myself and others around me pain.

I hate myself for what I couldn't control even when I feel I should have. I hate myself for the life I have made for myself.

 

I feel myself floating more and more and can't control it.

kthimm1 kthimm1 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 21, 2009

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You're father isn't necessarily in you at all. There's no reason to compare yourself to him if you don't want to. And why would you, I think you need to try to bond more with your adoptive parents. You don't hang out with them, and maybe that's why you don't seem to like being around them. I think If you just treated them like your friends instead of some other kind of entity you'd be happier.

I try not to. but its hard when I look in the mirror and see what my father in me and a reminder of what he did. :( <br />
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I know its my choice honestly. <br />
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I only hate my father for what he did to my sister. <br />
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I don't hate many people honestly. Well expcept my father and my 2 exboyfriends(with good reasons)! lol