First Confession

I hate myself. I wish I could be someone special. The type of person that everyone notices walk into a room. I know that eventually everyone I love will realise what a loser I am and leave me and then ill be alone forever. I've always been shy and lacked confidence but lifes experiences have just made this so much worse to the point where i've become depressed. Noone knows this. I'm nothing and i dont see how anyone could ever want to be around me. I'll never be good enough for anyone.

In highschool I was made the outcast for 2 years. The girls ignored me because I wasn't as skinny as they were. This destroyed any bit of self esteem i had. Not that I was fat but I've always had a bit of extra weight that I'm constantly trying to lose and have based my whole life around this. I blame this for the way people have treated me over the years. I sabotage myself because im scared that if i finally lose the weight than people will still hate me because of my personality and thats something you can't change. deep down i know this is the real reason people dont like me. Ive had 2 best friends over highschool and they both ended up ditching me. Now at uni im still the outcast and the same in social situations. I can sit there and not say a word because i know ill say something stupid. I always do. and even if its not stupid everyone talks over me or completely ignores what i have to say. so ive just learnt to become invisible. but THEN if people DID notice me, they'd realise what a ******* loser i am.

I see these other beautiful, perfect girls (and guys) always getting attention and i just feel so ugly, stupid, disgusting and worthless. I cant believe people can make other people feel like they're nothing. the social heirarchy destroys those that are not right up at the top (just like every other heirarchy).

there is sooo much more i could say...

eliza13 eliza13
1 Response Feb 24, 2009

I've been depressed before and I know how worthless it can make you feel, and it must be so much harder when people are making you feel bad about yourself aswell.<br />
I am certain there is someone out there who loves you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.<br />
And I know that there is atleast one person who cares about you, because I care.<br />
If you ever want to talk or anything feel free to message me :)<br />
hope you are ok