I grew up a good girl. Meeting everyone's desires, my dad an alcoholic, my mom a 100% narcissist. I lost my best friend, my grandma, when I was 16. And then everything spiraled out of control. I'm still not bad, but I've done things I'm not proud of. The thing is, since I've moved away from home my life's been wonderful. My parents divorced and found new people to make them happy. My boyfriend, he's amazing, he's a gamer so I don't get a lot of attention, but he's nurturing and honest and supports my decisions.

Yet here I am miserable. I can't look at myself. I've made mistakes in my relationship most he knows, with a few exception that I leave out just so he doesn't feel embarrassed. I'm super codependent. I'm not who I used to be. I'm also at an age where I should be changing a lot, and I am. It terrifies me. I've lost grasp of the good girl I was, I obsess day and night over my mistakes. I worry I'll end up miserable like my parents. I worry I'll amount to nothing. I worry I'll bring my boyfriend down with me. I hate myself. Constantly. Which is awful, considering I can't escape myself.
Seekingmyself23 Seekingmyself23
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2014

You won't be anything like your parents naturally you will stay clear from the path they took but I feel bad giving you advice when I also hate myself in many ways imaginable