I am a 20 year old junior guy in college. I have never posted anything on this, but more than anything I am using this as a way to vent. So here I go.
I hate myself. There are so many things I wish I could change about myself. For starters, I really hate my smile. I have a gap between my top teeth and have not smiled with my teeth in any picture since I was about 9. I pretty much hate my face in general and how weird it looks. Also, I hate how I am chubby and how I have man boobs. I am 6’1” 220 right now and I do workout and I don’t eat unhealthy food very often but I just cannot seem to look any skinnier. To top things off I think my hairline is starting to recede which is absolutely destroying me. I have never had a girlfriend but I have gone on dates and what not. Every girl ends up just moving on. Curiously, every girl that either likes me or that I like ends up getting a boyfriend soon after. They all say that I have a really good personality but that they can’t see themselves dating me. If it is not my personality it has to be my looks.
I really do think I have a great personality and such. I am a pretty funny easy going guy who is honest with people. I will help someone if I can no matter what it is. I believe I am a gentleman except for the case of pushing a girls chair in because I find that very weird haha. I am a hard worker and whatnot and I try to be the best person I can be. Also, I am not bad at talking to girls or anything and I do have good friends.
All of my friends said things would get better when I went to college but nothing has changed. My freshman year I was playing football at a big D1 school and I did try with a few girls. All which rejected me and shortly after went onto meet a guy who they are still dating to this day. That is when I realized I am just not good enough or good looking enough for any girl that I find attractive. I do not have anything a girl is looking for. I am not the tall skinny buff guy with abs and a great smile that a girl wants. I have none of that besides maybe the tall part. Whenever I see couples together I see that the guy the girl is with is way better than me and that is the reason why no girl wants to be with me. Now days whenever I see a girl who I find attractive my brain immediately thinks “wow she is beautiful, too bad she could do way better than me”. Before someone says it I really do not think I am an extremely picky person when it comes to girls.
Recently I met this girl at my church who was absolutely the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. She also happens to work at my schools store. Whenever she worked I would go and buy something just so I could get a chance to exchange a thank you with her. I would see her working out when I was and I would freak out. All my friends told me to go talk to her but in my mind I knew that I was definitely not good enough for her. She deserved to be with a guy with all the aforementioned attributes. And besides, a girl as beautiful as her had to have a boyfriend or at least be talking to a guy way better looking than me. So I never talked to the girl of my dreams and then went on to transfer to a different schools.
The worst part of it all is that I cannot see myself ever being with anyone. The thought of someone falling in love for me seems quite foolish. I wouldn’t understand why someone would ever want to be with me when there are way better options out there. I do not want to think like this anymore and I try to be as positive as I can but the more time goes by the more these thoughts become a reality. These feelings of self-hatred have been going on since I was a freshman in high school but they come in waves, with each one hitting harder than the previous. I really want to get out of this hole before it completely consumes me.
If you are still here thanks for reading through the billionth self-hatred post on this website.
slopez7597 slopez7597
22-25, M
3 Responses Aug 21, 2014

We Carry This Knowledge Every Day –
*** 2:11 For The Grace Of God That Bringeth Salvation Hath Appeared To All Men,
Jesus Is Our Sin Bearer.
1pe 3:18 For Christ Also Hath Once Suffered For Sins, The Just For The Unjust, That He Might Bring Us To God, Being Put To Death In The Flesh, But Quickened By The Spirit:
B. Jesus Is Your Sacrifice. –
Be Hold The Lamb Of God, Which Takes Away The Sins Of The World.
Eph 1:7 In Whom We Have Redemption Through His Blood, The Forgiveness Of Sins, According To The Riches Of His Grace;
Jesus Is Your Forgiver – Father Forgive Them Col 2:13 And You, Being Dead In Your Sins And The Uncircumcision Of Your Flesh, Hath He Quickened Together With Him, Having Forgiven You All Trespasses
THE MIND
• Needs Food It Gets Strong By The Promises Of God
• Needs Hearing Environment Ish 11;12
• Or It Will Chew On The Negative- Invest In The Mind
• Need Pictures Turning Goals Into Picture- Self talk Conversation- God’s World Contains Faith Needs Protect The Mind -Its Fragile -Have trouble With Mind,
• Mind Keeps Track -No Body Sees What You Experience
• Feed On psalms 119, 91 37 Wash The Mind, Absorb We Succeed With The Mind, A Focus An Instruction, Judas And John Has The Same Mentor
• We Can Have A Relationship With God But Not Through The Law.
• Talk Your Way Out, Sow Your Way Out A Walking Ware House Of Seed- by the words bought to us from heaven. Jesus bought it to us. it Leaves The mouth And Goes Into The Future.

First of all you are an excellent writer from what I can tell (that's off topic but you are) and second, you seriously sound amazing and anyone who can't except you for who you really are doesn't deserve YOU. Quite the opposite of what you're thinking. There really are girls who couldn't care less if you have abs or an incredible smile. When you find the right one they love those things about you and they truly do not believe they could do better than you. Trust me there is at least one girl in the world who is going to love everything about you and you'll love everything about her. College isn't for the rest of your life. People grow up. Being in college does NOT make you a grown up. Being mature, responsible, and not loving looks but loving personalities is being a grown up. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places. If you had asked that girl of your dreams out, the worst she could have said is no. And if she said no, then she wasn't the one. But there is "the one" out there. Maybe you should start looking in other places. The girl of your dreams might not be the most beautiful girl right off the bat, but once you get to know her, she'll become the most beautiful girl you've ever seen and ever will see. Maybe you need to do some growing yourself before you put yourself back out there. Like I said, college isn't going to last forever. You still have your whole entire life ahead of you. Remember, the best love stories happen by accident. I wish the best of luck to you; she's out there.

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