My Life Is Falling Apart

I really am starting to hate myself. I thought about taking a bottle of pills this morning but instead grabbed the computer and found this site. I have ruind my life with drugs, drinking and gambling. I lost my job due to drugs last year i just told my husband i got laid off. I spent my husbands saveings gambling and drug use and i have to tell him soon. I feel like i cant go on and want to die but on the other hand i want to live so i can be with my husband and child. All of the choices i have made for myself are terrible. I feel guilty all the time. I haven't got high since Friday and hope to keep it that way. I feel like my husband deserves better. He is a wonderful man who does nothing but take care of his family. I am worthless at this point in my life. I was thinking over the weekend maybe i should just run away save him and my kid all the pain. I cant stop crying all the time. He asks me all the time were you crying or why are your eyes watery. I say I'm going to the store which is four blocks from my house and stay gone most of the time for about a hour trying to find drugs. I just feel sorry for them because they deserve better. I just needed to let some of these feelings out some where

productof80s productof80s
4 Responses Mar 3, 2009

Thanks. I don't know when I will though honestly. Its too much right now. <br />
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I just want to give up honestly but I haven't

You are not alone, I will tell you this, you had the guts to say out loud that you don't want to do these things and that is a big step. No ones life will be better with you gone. it will be horrible for them. They will miss you and cry and suffer. Sometimes we have to have reasons otherthan ourselves to be here. Mine are my children and longtime common law husband. I think of them all the time and that is what gives me the fight and the drive to go on. Which means, i have reasons to still be here. once you start realizing that and working on that, realization will set in that you too are worthy to be here, just because you are YOU SWEETY!! i am here for you as well anytime, leave me a message and i will answer you, when you feel like you wanna just throw up your hands, write me a line! instead!!! You are worthy of kindness and caring, we all are, we just need to hear it from others sometimes, i know i do. Feel better sugar and let's pray for each other......

I know how some of that is. I am young yes but have been through alot lately that I am no longer even sure I have a point in my life at times. <br />
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Don't even ask me what I have done unless you really want to know. <br />
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You are in no way alone! <br />
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Feel free to email me at

girl, you are not alone. i'm and alcoholic/addict. thank god everyday that i'm 7 months clean. but when i was in it, it was some tough ****. feeling hopeless, gulity, ashamed...and it's all a cycle that never seems to stop- and it doesn't. or at least it won't until your ready to be done. <br />
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if you ever need someone to talk to, vent to, cry to, feel free to email me- <br />
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remember you're not alone. believe it or not, a lot of people have been there and know it sucks.