My mind torments me because of how I look. So perhaps it's not my mind that I hate, but my face. However I can't take my rage out on my face, so I take it out on my mind. How? Through the use of drugs and alcohol. I take anything I can to **** my mind up. I pop a couple of stolen Lorazepam, smoke weed and lay around smoking cigarettes and e-cigarettes until I can't think. I want to drown my brain in vodka, liquor, hard alcohol. And the next question that comes is, why do I hate my face so much? Because it apparently is the one thing stopping me from getting the one thing I want the most: Love. **** money, **** success, **** everything but love, it's all I want. There's a girl that I ******* love and hate, she's beautiful and amazing and she has me in the palm of her hand and the worst part is she knows it. She knows she can treat me like **** and break me because I will continue to come back. I am perfectly good at conversation and interactions but my ugliness holds me back from getting what I dream about every ******* night. I guess it's not dreaming if I can never fall asleep though. And so I try to find some sort of spiritual relief from my problems through the use of LSD and psilocybin mushrooms. I hallucinate hard and see the most ****** up ****, but sometimes I see something beautiful and occasionally I have revelations, but I never get the answers I want. This post should be called I ******* hate girls except, I love them so much too. So my mind will be the victim.

Note: I am not a bratty teenager who just gets ****** up all the time. I keep up with my schoolwork and anything I do to **** myself up, I do in my own privacy on my own time. To my parents I probably seem like a happy ordinary kid, because I would never let them know how ****** up I am. That's the last thing they need to deal with. So this is probably the only place where my story will be heard.

Additional Rant: It's ******* ridiculous that I have to check the box that says this is inappropriate for children under 18, which I assume is due to my language, when I am a ******* "child" under 18.
WhyUgh WhyUgh
22-25, M
Aug 22, 2014