I Hate Myself For Hating Myself

I hate myself for hating myself.

I've not had a bad childhood.

I've not been abused.

I have friends. I could have more if I didn't hate myself.

I'm intelligent.

I'm not ugly.

I can be a fun person to be around.

I could be anything I want to be.

 

But for whatever reason I suffer from depression and I hate myself.

I wear a mask so that no one see's how I feel.

When times are bad I cut myself.

When times are good I fight constantly to stop me from cutting myself.

I've had treatment to help with the depression.

I've had treatment to boost my self esteem.

I know I have many good qualities and I'm a good person.

 

Yet still I hate me.

Everything that's gone wrong in my life has been down to one person. Me.

I hate myself even more for hating me and being a self pitying fool.

I know that I can overcome the depression as I've done it before. The self loathing is something I've never been able to stop.

I know I have to stop it and learn to like myself before I have any chance of overcoming the depression for good but even with knowing my good points I just don't like me evn though I know that if I met myself I think I'd like me.

The self loathing has become a habit that I just can't seem to break.

Buleste Buleste
36-40, M
2 Responses Mar 9, 2009

You described mine as well. I hate myself in so many ways its not funny. <br />
<br />
I not only affect myself with ti but my friends.

You have just described my life. I don't understand my hatred of myself, while at the same time it is very real. Where does this hatred come from?