Endless Night Part 8
So here I am; the circle is complete. Still do I hate myself. Even going to sleep at night I don't look forward to, I hope that I don't dream. All I want is pitch black sleep. I don't have any dreams left for myself, I am unable to find any joy in goals or quests. I have my associates degree, but I felt nothing about it. I have a family, but it doesn't lift my spirits.
It is a circle of hatred and sadness, and I don't know where the weak link is to break. I tear up with each segment, I shouldn't but yet I do. Why?
If I hate myself, then I feel bad. If I feel bad, then I am not happy. If I am not happy, then I must be sad. If I am sad, then I will cry. When I cry, I hate myself more.
I am afraid of the eventual bottom I will hit. I dare not go forward, and the past forces me to remember my pain. As if I needed a reminder. I am lost and confused, and I'm not sure what to do, I don't trust the medical community, and I have no friends to rely on. I guess feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all...
Sadly, getting it all out does nothing for me. To you who reads my story, you know me now as well as I know myself. I don't believe in wishes, they don't come true anyways, but I wish there would be a dawn someday.... I would even settle for twilight of some sort.
This is the end of my story, I"m sorry there is no happy ending. I hope somebody can relate to what I feel.