I'm a Waste of Life
I used to go to a really good school. The kind of school people dream about going to. I had plenty of friends, did well with girls, and partied a lot. I never went to class and never studied but I got by. My GPA was average. From moment to moment, I was having a good time. But every time I sat down and thought about my life, I was disgusted by myself. So one night, on a whim, I told all of my roommates that I had decided to transfer. I called home, made up a sob story, and the next day I dropped out of school and flew home.
Now I go to a very mediocre school. Its not bad but certainly not something that jumps out at you on a resume. I live alone, I don't talk to anyone unless I absolutely have to. People are nice to me and I rebuff them. I haven't so much as hugged a girl since my old school, about 8 months ago. I'm not even attracted to girls anymore. I haven't turned gay, I just have no desire to be close to anyone. I'm not attracted to anyone. I still find certain girls pretty, but that longing to go meet them and get to know them is completely gone. I treat a beautiful girl the same way I treat everyone else, with complete indifference bordering on rudeness.
I don't care about anything. Life is just a stupid game to me. If I lose all my old friends, it doesn't matter. If I transfer to a new school where I don't know anyone, it doesn't matter. I don't care about girls, school, friends, my family, or even myself.Today I had a test, and I could have gotten a 100 on it, but I answered the last question wrong. It was a real question, and I knew the answer, but it had one joke answer, my teacher's name. I stared at it for a few minutes and then put that answer. I've never done that before.
I hate everyone that I know and everyone that I see. I can't help but pick apart every word that I hear and silently mock any and all mistakes made by whoever I hear. Sometimes I sit in my room and feel lonely, but I don't know what I want. I know I don't want companionship, because I can no longer stand being around anyone. But the feeling is still there, and I do nothing to act upon it.
Most of all, I hate myself. I am slowly but surely ruining my own life with my apathy, and it sickens me. I am the biggest waste of life on this planet. I can't stand myself, but at the same time I can never escape myself.