Maybe It's Just The Anemia...

Sorry, I'm a horrible writer so you don't have to keep reading this.

I guess I'm anemic so that might be why I feel so down all the time. But I feel like it's more than that since I've felt this way since middle school. I'm not in school anymore, I graduated from high school and did a little Junior College but never finished. Now I'm 24 with no education, skills and no job. Some times I turn in applications but usually I get them and throw them out because I figure no one is going to hire me so why bother.

I just ******* hate myself so much. It's not that I'm never happy, I can laugh at jokes and smile when my baby cousin does something silly. But at the end of the day I'm nothing. I have nothing going for me and I'm going no where. I've never had a real relationship. I'm 24 years old and the most I've done is kiss a guy. That's it. Even if I could get a boyfriend now I would be so inexperienced that I would end it quick because I'm so embarrassed with myself.  Not that I could get a boyfriend. Who would want me? I'm fat, ugly, stupid, I can't keep up a conversation for ****.

I was reading someone else's entry and they said how they always go to bed thinking 'I hope I wake up with some disease and don't have long to live.' That's exactly how I feel! Every time I'm driving I think I wonder if I would die if I went off the road and then I want to do it. Too bad I'm such a chicken ****. I don't think anyone would really really miss me. Sure they would be sad at first but I wouldn't be that hard to get over.

I don't know anyone more pathetic than me. Everyone else is doing something, has something going for them. Okay well I actually just thought of someone who might be on my level. And her own family thinks she's mentally challenged, that somethings wrong with her. And I'm the same as her!! Except she's had relationships and I haven't.

It's not that I want to die, I just don't want to live anymore

huntingmay huntingmay
22-25, F
Feb 8, 2010