Dark Resolution

   I have been away for a while.... How many have realized that I was gone, much less missed me? Don't worry about it, I don't. In that down time, I have come to accept what I am... what I am incapable of enjoying in life, and why I am the way I am. I have come to learn that seeing in the dark is an ability not shared by most. By that I mean that it is far easier for me to see everything dark in the world and be indifferent to it all. It is a blessing and yet a curse to live this way; it doesn't hurt anymore, and I see no further reason to rise above the hole I have found. I hear time and time again that there is a better ending, a future for me, and now I laugh when I hear that, my newfound sight helps me see through the words for what they are: hollow. I am resigned to my place, I finally know it. No longer will I hang on words or empty promises, my opponent now are those who don't accept what I have become, and that is most of the folks on this rock. My hatred isn't so sharp and painful anymore, it is as if it has embraced me in its cold grasp. No wonder I like the cold so much. This is my normality, although I wonder sometimes what it would be like to be happy all the time. I wear a mask of indifference now, and it doesn't show anything...

megatron316 megatron316
41-45, M
5 Responses Feb 20, 2010

welcome to this world. I've been numb for a while now for I've been through the same road. This is were I ended up, I never felt so peaceful in my life. when you don't care anymore, you don't feel. That is enough for me.

yeah... but I don't have to like it. Maybe it is too much to ask for, for us to fit in somewhere out in the world. I can do it, but still i am weak at times just wanting what everyone else seems to have. Hang in there, and know you have a place here.

Here is where we all need to stay together. Our crowd, hidden as it is, needs to be there for one another, because few others would dare. Our friends here don't judge and that is special.

I definitely can relate to your apathy. So you know, and I'm sure you do, there are many out there that can relate to this. Thank you for sharing this, It makes "us" feel like we aren't completely alone.

It took me the longest time to come to grips with what I feel, time I'll never get back. I holpe you can reach the same plateau someday. All I can say is that the story never ends, and somewhere, you have the strength and courage to face and overcome what has been dealt to you. I know you can do it. Thanks for reading my story and understanding, it means a lot to me.

I have read all of your Endless nights, and this brings me to rest. I feel happy for you that you have embraced your feelings and have finally understood why you are truly like this. I hope that one day i can move on my pasts as well and feel what you feel now.<br />
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Congratulations again.