20 years of wasted life. I let you take every chance I have ever had away from me for 20 years. What the **** is wrong with me? I want more than anything to hate you, and I don't. I want to blame you for every single thing that has gone wrong in my life, but instead I only blame myself for letting things get  so bad.  I know that you are right.. And it disgusts me. I never tried to get away. I never tried to put a stop to any of it. You were the only person I had that ''cared'', when you were taken to jail I was actually lonely I had no one. I spent 2 years without any ones touch alone in every sense of the word. The most bewildering 2 years of my life. When Dad died I actually thought about how sad you would be. I am such a **** up that I cared about how you might feel. You, the person who made almost every night of my young life hell... You were and still are the only true friend I have ever had. That makes me so ******* angry. I can't even begin to explain how much I hate the fact that when I am at my worst I feel like talking to you. I am ****** beyond repair...

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3 Responses Feb 28, 2010

My relationship is similar, I'm pretty sure she hates me. I don't know why she puts up with me, but she lets me know very often that 1 notch above worthless and I just keep waiting for that last notch to go away... so she can be happy.

Yeah, I"m sure that'll make everything better... ::LOL::

He was a large part of your life, and many people who have been through long periods of abuse end up with some kind of attachment to their abusers