How Long?

How long will this last? That's what I always asked my self Everytime I went online and saw a brand new message from someone who thinks I'm a ***** or a **** or a ***** or a homo. What I always thought that was funny was that no matter how far I distanced myself from the res of the world I always did something wrong. I ended cutting my self for months until my dance teacher realized what was going on and sent me to the Counsler who called my parents in to tell them. After the secret was out I stopped. But during the time I cut I had no support. No help. No stopping point. I thought of suicide so many times. The friends I had left were also bullied. Not as bad but bulling is bulling no matter what form or how bad. So with everyone around me hurting and scared I had no one to stop me. No one to stop them. I ended up leaving that school and moving to a new school. I thought that meant a new start. It did for about a month. Then the rumors followed me. The kids from my old school knew kids at my new school. I cried in fear everyday that I would never find my safe place. What made it worse was that I took a bus and transferred busses at my old school. So everyday someone would walk up to me and ask me if I was who they were told I was then they would call me a *****/**** and/or a ***** and walk away. They tortured me every. I didn't even know the kids who did that to me! So at to them I will always be the school ****. It hurts to say it but that's who I am to them. I shouldn't care, but I do because it's hard to let go of something that you spent two years at. My parents get mad Everytime I tell them something so I have no to talk about it with. I would talk to my new friend but I don't feel that close to them yet and I don't want to sound as if I'm complaining. It hurts to keep it in. How long will it last? How long will these experiences consume my every thought? When will it be my turn to let go? I'm just tired of all the questions that I get no answer to. I just want it to stop and I just want to go one night without thinking of the people who ruined most of my middle school experience. Just one night.
Terry1106 Terry1106
13-15, F
Dec 4, 2012