Panic Attacks Has Changed My Life!

When i was 8 months pregnant i had a panic attack then i did not know what it was so i wasn't fearful of having another, when my son was 9 months old i started having panic attacks again and later realized what was really happening, i cant even remember what panic attack started it all off, but i just know i was working one day and started feeling dizzy shaky and hard to breath and swallow it started happening everyday then one day i knew somethign was wrong i had my boss rush me to the er where they told me it was a panic attack,
i quit my job and stayed home for a for weeks they stopped and i forgot about them i started working again and everything was fine! I was going on a trip to Louisana for my inlaws family reunion i think me being nervous about going there started it but i had panic attacks all the way there even called an ambulance in mobile alabama, that was the first panic attacks wehre i didnt feel like myself and thought i was going nuts, it got worse and worse i became depressed and never realized it i had them more frequently after that two and three times a day, hard to sleep and everything i never took anything for it until one day i thought to myself what if i take some pills out of the bathroom and kill myself knowing i didnt want to die i love my family but the thought was so scary then i was aggervated all the time my
son was 16 months at the time and i was in one of those moods he was getting on my nerves and i thought omg what if i hurt him and that thought sent me for a loop, i drove myself nuts over that thought it was so bad i went to the er and told them and was admitted for three days and sent home saying i have panic disorder, after those thoughts i thought them all the time and felt very guilty i still took care of my son but pushed him away to a sense i love him more than anythign it hurt so bad that i had to be away from him and i actually thought that i felt like a horrible mother and wanted to die! that was it for me i started seeing a therapist, things got better then they get bad then better and now im pregnant again and im trying to stay strong scared of labor and not loving this child or actually going nuts!!
anxiousamber anxiousamber
18-21, F
May 13, 2012