...and Also I'm Not Interested In What "god" Does Or Does Not Think I Can Handle...

It isn't philosophically true. It isn't even medically true. You can survive illness, disease, injury and carry the scars forever. Polio. Surviving polio does not make you stronger, but crippled for the rest of your life. As someone who has struggled with lifelong depression, no, these experiences are not making me stronger. Each time I'm a little more hopeless, a little more unforgiving of myself, and others. Each time it becomes a little bit harder to get up again. I have become a sad, distrustful person that I hardly recognize. I am not stronger, I am desperate. I am struggling to pick up any pieces that remain of the confidant young woman I once was. I felt pretty strong once upon a time, but now it all feels like delusion.

As for "God only gives you what you can handle" - oh does he? Then he's a ****ing *******. I don't want to be challenged. I don't want to "grow as a person." And what the hell are we all getting so much stronger for, anyway? At the end of my life, on my deathbed, will I look up, smiling and say, "Well, it was pretty miserable, but I sure did get strong, didn't I?"

Some people are wonderfully resilient. I envy them. Maybe some people do get stronger. But not all of us.
Antigone2283 Antigone2283
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

People say that stuff to make others feel ok. They are trying to help.

Yes, I realize their intentions are good, but for those of us really struggling to cope, or at least for me, it feels dismissive. I would rather have the depth of my pain acknowledged, rather than dismissed as a character-building exercise. When your grief is deep, you don't particularly care if or how it's going to give you a leg up in the future. A simple, "I'm sorry. This must be very difficult to go through," is far more comforting. Even "one day at a time," though cliche, is more comforting, because it acknowledges the *now* of the suffering, as well as the difficulty of the process.

I agree with your article, that what doesn't kill you can often weaken you instead, creating scars inside and out that sometimes cannot be healed. I think when people say that, though, they are trying (and failing) to make you feel ok about the horrible thing that has happened to you. I just am starting in my own life to try to forgive people for the stupid things that they say, as they often just have no idea what to say at all. Life is kind of crap sometimes! But people don't want to say that, and aren't sure how to comfort others without giving bullshit responses.