Sex, Lies & Rinsing Guys...

That is the name of the documentary I was just watching on Channel 4. Sex, lies and rinsing guys.

The documentary is about women who use men to obtain "gifts". The gifts cover everything from handbags to cash, Cartier watches and trips overseas. These guys spend money just to get a little time to talk to these women, with no promise of sex. Of the three women interviewed in the documentary, all of them stated that they never exchange gifts for sexual favours. One of the women never even meets these men. Instead, she charges them £50 for a ten minute conversation. This one is a "glamour model". She even has a website where her admirers can view a list of the many things she desires. Her admirers can then go and buy her these gifts. So that's pretty much the meat and bones of the documentary. But this barely scratches the surface of what actually lies beneath.

This got me thinking. We all use each other in some way. This is what human partnering is all about, connecting with the people that can add value or comfort to our lives. Be it in areas of business or in matters of the heart. But these ventures usually have clear boundaries set. If our connection be strictly professional, there is little chance of that connection being mistaken for anything else but a professional relationship. If the connection is one based on love, one would hope that the love that is shared be a genuine and mutually shared love. A certain degree of honesty and sacrifice should be expected in this union. This is where these women transgress over the boundaries of business and love.These women use emotions of love and the need that others have for an emotional connection to meet their financial needs. That is, making a business out of people's genuine feelings. Talk about mixing business with pleasure.

In one of the instances in the programme. One of the girls is flown over to New York by a man she has never met. He spends thousands of dollars on her and then asks her to spend some time with him (probably hoping this would lead to more). After all, he has paid for her to come to the U.S. I wonder what impression he might have of this woman whom he hardly knows, and yet has allowed him to lavish her with the most expensive gifts. A favour for a favour?

She refuses to go away with him, opting to go shopping instead. Long story short they get into an argument and there ends the relationship. It was doomed from the start if you ask me. But the relationship has ended not before the young woman has obtained some goods for herself as well as her two children. Not a bad gig if you can get it huh...

This young woman then tells the story about how her parents divorced. Her family grew up poor, she grew up wearing second hand clothing, you get the picture. So now we get a glimpse into the mindset of this seemingly callous "rinser". There is always a reason why people behave the way they do. Somewhere along the lines she began to believe that material possessions would bring her happiness. And that men were only there to fulfill HER needs. We now begin to understand the why and the how. Still, this does not excuse her behaviour. At the end of the day we choose to do good or to do bad, to use others or to help them.

We could compare what these women do to prostitution, the only difference being that, with a prostitute, you know what you're getting and you usually get what you pay for. I do not condemn prostitutes by the way. I have spoken to a few and what I have learnt is that they are just human beings that have suffered hardships, usually more than the average human being. Life has dealt them a bad hand, and instead of rising from the ashes they are swept away like Dust In The Wind.

Needless to say, this does not seem like a fair trade. I have no doubt that these women perhaps meet some emotional need that their admirers might have. My problem however comes when false hope is given. Dishonesty, lies and deceit. Many a time, the men investing their time, effort and money do not know what these women are up to. And those that do really never get the help that they truly need. It IS like going to a prostitute. She meets your needs for a short time before you go back to reality. Many of these men are lonely, grasping at whatever shred of hope that would hold the promise of affection from a member of the opposite sex. But this never leads anywhere. So they remain in a bootloop. Forever in this cycle which seems to offer a moments relief from the reality that is their daily life. These women would like to tell themselves that they are "helping". But in actual fact, their deeds are far from selfless. The "connections" they make are merely a means to an end.

I was quite impressed at how these women were able to wrap these men around their fingures. No doubt most of these fella's had some emotional gaps in their lives that needed filling, so this provided a door way. But the ability of these women to connect and disconnect was pretty impressive, a skill no doubt learned over the years. They also did something which I recognised to be one of the characteristics of people who are passive aggressive. They would offer carrots, but never the full meal, enticing their prey to return. That takes some skill you know. That and some emotional hardness. No remorse shown whatsoever.

Detachment - The order of the day. Once they've bled their victim dry of any resources that might've been of use to them. The subject is tossed away, and then on to the next one. See, they've got to keep this up. Not just for financial reasons, but for the simple distraction that these escapades (ESCAPE) provide. Can you look yourself in the mirror? I wonder if some of these women could ever be content to be alone. Without someone to suck dry as their parasitic nature would drive them to do.

There is certainly more to this than that which meets the eye. We all use each other, but can we at least try to be honest about what we want to use each other for? What am I talking about? That would be fair and just, and this world we are living in is far from that.

Short clip to the documentary (hopefully it'll still be available). Couldn't find the full episode.
Scorpio1987 Scorpio1987
22-25, M
12 Responses May 17, 2012

I am tired of men treating women like we're some sort of of a sex dispensing machine; you put nice deeds, sweet words, material possessions etc. inside and receive some sex in return. Are you kidding me?! I always get angry whenever I hear someone say they have been "friend zoned". It's as if it's impossible for men to do good things for women without expecting sex in return. The men who went to these women in the first place were fools and should be disgusted at themselves for objectifying women. Other than that, I agree 100% with everything you said.

I agree righteous, these men certainly aren't innocent, far from it. Both parties used each other and that is inexcusable. Thank you for commenting. :-)

No problem xD

oh dear are so young and inexperienced

There's that Sir thing again. I'd prefer it if you stopped that. :-) It would be nice if you provided some insight into why you hold that opinion of me as opposed to just saying a statement seemingly without reason. I'm not saying you are wrong, I just want to hear what you think.

Please read my profile Scorp...i am an owned wife (submissive) and it is just my way to use the term Sir until a man requests otherwise or proves himself not deserving of respect...thanks

I did read your profile jb. I think I did request that you not call me that but I think there was a timing issue with regarded to the the time you received my message and the time you posted this. Anyway, no big deal. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

what is honesty?

Sorry, what do you mean?

these are grown-up men, right?


Interesting. I have respect for prostitution because it is honest; each party (assuming they are consenting adults) agrees to a specific role in the transaction. It is the oldest profession and will never cease to exist.<br />
<br />
The men and women you describe, however, I think are indicative of the loneliness, consumerism ("If I have more expensive things and just more in general I'll be happy") decaying societal morals and the need for instant gratification. ("I want these designer things but rather than educate myself and get a job so that I may buy them myself, I will get someone to do it for me") It is the "I deserve it because I want it" generation.<br />
<br />
Everyone goes through rough patches in life; it makes you or breaks you. Character is in short supply these days, no?<br />
<br />
I must say, I haven't seen this particular TV show, but it sounds like the people involved deserve each other.

Oh you wiiiiish I boarded that flight!

o Red can you say it in 12 words or less?

ah yes, you DID board the's just that you got off with some other guy claiming to be a Dom..poor Beau and Bubba...alas

Its the classic scenario of the predator stalking the prey. The question of who preys on who is something we can debate. In my opinion the predator is the one that takes and thrives from the taking, while the prey gives and is thereby left without. It was a very interesting documentary.

Ah, JB.... you know I can't do 12 words. 1200 maybe (sigh). (Hey the Dom on the plane was super hot, how could I resist?) Yes, Scorpio, sometimes there is a predator and prey, and sometimes two of the first.

Good point. That is true. However, the ultimate predator is revealed after all is said and done and one of the two becomes the prey. :-)

Sorry, I just have to win. I'm a Scorpio. Can you blame me? Haha... :-)

4 More Responses

be all use one another...period


You write well. I read this after leaving a comment on one of your other stories. It's incredibly apropos. It would seem, people are tearing each other apart out there in the great big world. Very sad, indeed.

Thank you Trust. It really is crazy out there. Though we live on the same planet, it would seem that we are worlds apart concerning the way we live our lives.

"apropos" - I had to Google that. Shout out to Google, mad props on the info dawg...

Funny thing on the way to the theatre... THAT is exactly how *I* came to know the word. A guy I was dating (who was really arrogant and self-adoring) didn't get what I was saying. So, he said to me, "That isn't apropos of anything." I walked away in silence. I didn't know what he meant... but like those times when a group of people are speaking another language but glancing at you, and you know it's about you in a bad way but you have no idea what they're saying... yeah, it was like that. I had to look it up. But, without the convenience of written word, I didn't know how to spell it. I had to ask my professor. And I didn't even pronounce it correctly. But, as my ethics professor, he was really kind. After a few stumbling confused moments, he brightened and said, "Oh! Apropos. He said it wasn't APROPOS of anything. Well, you tell him he's a smug little bastard. That was a really crappy way of telling you that your statement seemed unrelated to the topic." THEN, I was really pissed!

Haha... Nothing worse than being pissed off in retrospect. :-) Well at least now you know. :-)

I don't believe there is ever an excuse to maliciously use someone for your own personal gain. We all have pasts...they may be explanations for who we are, but they are not excuses. I find this despicable behavior on any level from either sex.

True, it is inexcusable, I wholeheartedly agree. But speaking as someone who has been close to a woman who was dealt a bad hand in life, I find it difficult to totally bash these women. I have known some people to suffer things I really could not imagine happening on this here earth. I mean its one thing reading about it in the news but actually being connected to someone who has lived that life gives you a slightly different perspective. I'm not condoning their behaviour, I'm just saying, in certain cases I can see why they do it. It ain't pleasant, it ain't right, but sometimes the person that we see on the outside really is not the real person. What that is is just a mask they put on to protect themselves in their own harsh world were nobody loves anybody and people constantly use each other.

I can hate the behavior without hating or condemning the individual. I can somewhat relate to being connected with someone who has come from a not-so-pretty past. It does change your perspective, and for me, it instinctively brings out that part of me that wants to love them and make it all better. lol. Thanks again for sharing.

Oh right, I get you. Sorry, slight breakdown of communication there. :-) Thanks again for all your comments. :-)

This is just the other side of the same coin as men emotionally entrapping women for sex. I really don't care what excuse these women have. There are plenty of women that have gone through horrendous things and have still come up the other side with dignity and compassion. <br />
<br />
Many women have the innate ability to seduce and manipulate men! That doesn't mean that they all do it! Women with self-respect want an equal relationship where love and affection is shared.

Yes I agree, there is no excuse for such callous behaviour. The xample you mention of men doing the same thing to women for sex is interesting. Sometimes women use sex to obtain some form of security, be it financial security, emotional security, physical security etc. Men often use money and emotions to achieve the same. To get that physical, emotional and sometimes even financial security. I feel there is a slight difference here though as both parties are still receiving something. Whatever they receive may be disproportionate but the arrangement is usually understood or at least justified in some way. I think what makes these womens actions so morally repugnant is the fact that they make a living out of it. Rinsing not one guy, but many guys, often times simultaneously. And the trade off is really poor. In this documentary all three women said they did not sleep with these men. I am not sure how much truth is in that, but if it is, all they are essentially doing is leading these men on, never giving of themselves in any way. Just a little meaningless flirting here and there, a few promises now and again, allowing them to carry on rinsing these guys.

To me, it's quite simple. <br />
<br />
The women in this story have no self respect. The men also have no self respect. <br />
<br />
So, they do the trivial dance, make no true effort to engage, exchanging favors, but zero intimacy. <br />
<br />
I pity those involved, but we all make our choices. Most of us have had some hardship in our lives, some more than others. Hardship should never be an excuse to lose respect for oneself. Character is character. You either have it or you don't.

I totally agree. However one thing did stick out during one of the interviews. The weakness of character as you state that these people show. We just don't cope with hardships the same way.That does not make it okay, but it certainly helps us understand each other a little bit better. I don't know,maybe I'm just softie.

Winston Churchill has been quoted and misquoted as having said something like: “If you're not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you're not a conservative at forty you have no brain.” I've become less tolerant as I grow older. :-)

Interesting quote. Do you become more conservative with age? That's something I will probably find out in a couple of decades. :-)

Is there a place online where I could view this? Seems interesting.

I don't think it'll be available online Dente but I'll look around and get back to you if it's available anywhere. The title of the programme is similar to the title of the story. Google it and see what you come up with.

yes id like to view it also

I doubt I'll find it but if I do I will let you know.

Interesting story!<br />
<br />
It's sad that such things exist because of the people these scams are aimed at....and in truth they are scams run by parasites. It makes me wonder at the human condition sometimes.

Yeah I know. It is quite shocking, but it isn't really shocking if you know what I mean. It's sad, but that's the way the world is. *sigh*