Self Disgust

I hate people who drink alcohol that meaning myself, and the more you get sucked into the addiction the more you begin to detest and self loathe the person you are becoming. I am 32 and for the past four years my drinking and tolerance levels have increased. Some people say drinking a bottle of wine three to four evenings a week is not that bad, but it is not the quantitiy of what you drink it is the behaviours and reasons why you need to drink. I have begun to use excuses like im stressed, cant sleep, someones pissed me off, and to be honest the main reason i drink is to avoid feeling pain, which is ironic as i am a qualified counsellor. The relationship i am in is not happy therefore i am drinking to avoid facing the consequences of being alone. Drink is my companion and friend or so you think in fact it is the enemy and changes you inside. When i first drink i love the feeling of relaxation numbness until oblivion then blackout then hangover and thinking **** what the hell did i say or do last night. I have admitted to myself that i am an alcoholic and that i am going to change alot of my habbits and behaviours for 2007, yet not do to much too soon. So to end i would like to say it is not people i hate who drink its seeing someione pissed and thinking thats me and i hate myself for it. Lisa
hcky hcky
31-35, F
1 Response Jan 5, 2007

It sounds crazy what you are saying but I completely understand it.....I hate alcohol and fight the desire to just makes me fat and depressed and want to drink again and start a cycle... ...drinking is too casual in our society....its the devil.......