I Hate You All, Even You

i hate people. i hate myself. i hate that they judge and make your life miserable but yet they dont want you to die. for some stupid reasons like let's see? yes you have to keep going and surviving and feel the pain because it's wrong to kill youself but we dont know why exactly its worng. oh wait because you will hurt people around you. what if people around me hurt me every day? and i hurt them. I'm a mess, in this messy place and i just want to exit. i never asked to be here. i want to leave and i'm a loser enough not to do it because i don't have a painless way . please if you read this and know of a way that works quick and is painless please let me know. i beg you. but dont leave me dont do it, youre young bs, i dont want to hear that, i know better.
OfftheBeatenPath OfftheBeatenPath
26-30, F
1 Response Nov 25, 2011

Okay I will not tell you to not do it. <br />
Instead I will acknowledge you. Hello, Aloha my dear friend! <br />
I will also acknowledge the truth in that the past can haunt you. You are correct. <br />
There are things that you can do to keep the past in the past for you. <br />
It is also true that you will not forget your past. <br />
There are things you can do to effectively detach your feelings from the past. What is so great about that is there are so many things that you can do, that you can never run out of things to do. <br />
<br />
1) Change your present determination in remaining how you currently are. Change it over to a new purposeful, healthy direction and build your determination towards that. Get real specific about it, what it is, and what you will do be it.<br />
2) One way is to make a strong firm commitment to yourself about it, and take action by practicing it in every moment of each and every one of your days, and do not let anything get in the way of it. Write out an action plan. Make a list of what you will do about it for yourself.<br />
3) Stop looking back at the past. <br />
4) Do not look up your past via mail, email, FB, Telephone, traveling, through other people, etc.<br />
5) Stay your mind in the present. Not the past, future, or what could have been. Practice that in every moment of your day.<br />
6) Stimulate all your senses with new things (sense of smell, sight, hearing, taste, touch). Make a list of how you will do that.<br />
7) Create a new environment for yourself with new who, what, when, where, and hows in every aspect of your life. You have already moved, so that was a good start. Do not stop there. Change your hair doo. Change the style of how you dress. Make new friends. Visit new places. Try new things. Eat food you never ate before. Buy a new perfume. Change your shampoo or soap. Get out of the house everyday, even if its just for a short while, even if it is raining or snowing. See a new movie. Listen to new songs. Join a new group or club. Shop at a different store. Re-arrange your room. Get new a new bed set for your bed. Try a new hobby. Get a new job, even if it is part-time or volunteer work. Do random acts of kindness. Pick or buy yourself some fresh flowers. Buy a plant to take care of. Get a new pet. Start your own business. Create new ways to make more money for yourself. Get a picture of your dream home. Make a goal to get it. Buy it. Move in it. Live in it. Set more new goals! Travel. Make a bucket-list. Do the things on your bucket-list. Get yourself involved in the world around you and in your life!<br />
<br />
In loving-kindness, and many blessings to you - Ace