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You Know I Hate It... Why Did You Have To Do It?

My boyfriends friend knows I hate **** - I hate it because of the concept, I hate it because it's degrading, I hate it because it's simply disgusting, it's fake, animalistic... the list goes on. There is no love; just sexual rewards. Just take, take, take. There is no giving. No, there is nothing 'beautiful' about ****.

And the main reason I asked my boyfriend to stop watching it (and he did for me) is because it makes me feel like I am worthless to him.. you have probably heard it a million times before from others; it makes us feel unwanted, not good enough, not pretty enough, as if we are being cheated on. It's the most horrible feeling.

At first I didn't really mind so much, until he COMPARED me to a **** model, and SHOWED ME his FAVOURITE **** model. That really, really hurt. He didn't mean it to hurt me, I know, he thought it was OK and a harmless act.

Anyway, today we were Skyping (chatting through mic): me, my boyfriend and his friend. And his friend thought it would be funny to put the volume of a **** video up high so we could hear it, just to make me mad.

It was horrifying to me, I don't know why, when I'm exposed to anything like that, it's like it begins to eat me alive; like I've developed an allergy to anything even merely provocative/pornagraphic. It makes me sweat, tremble, and get really sad and mad. It causes weird emotions and feelings, uncomfortable symptoms, it's just a horrible experience for me; and it's MUCH worse if I know my boyfriend can see/hear it too (in this case, hear).

They tell me I'm not normal, that "Who cares, everyone watches it". They tell me I should see a psychiatrist. And sometimes I think I might be crazy. But sometimes I think, although I'm in a very small minority, my feelings are correct.

**** is not neccessary. You don't need it to live. Animals we evolved from never watched **** and didn't die from not having access to it. They didn't even have the time for such activities, they were busy hunting and defending themselves. And now **** has become so normalised! Ugh.. I feel so alone on this, no one agrees with me, they think I'm crazy for hating something nearly everyone does, and sometimes it just makes me want to hurt myself because the feelings get so intense; nothing makes me madder.
buddieangel buddieangel 16-17, F 6 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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I agree. My husband turned on his computer in the living room the other day and walked off, turns out his wallpaper is a **** picture, which I saw. We've been arguing over this for years, about him watching **** while I'm at home, and about how he's hurting our sex life because of all the **** he watches. But he thinks I overreact because it upsets me. I think it's only right that his obsession with prostitutes bothers me.

You are not alone. You are NOT insane. NO psychiatrists. Don't even be with guys who watch **** In the First Place.

I completely understand you. It is degrading. I found **** on my boyfriend's computer. This was a couple of years ago. I still don't feel that I measure up and it has hurt the way I feel about myself. I wonder, if he is so much in love with huge breasts, why in the world should I be around?

**** has destroyed my life...some people would say that is dramatic. But, I've caught my husband looking at it so much, and every time I fall apart. He always convinces me he will stop. But never does. I've even visited him at work, and walked into his office, and he was looking at it. I don't trust him even when he says he isn't because I know that in a few weeks I'll find out again. Every time we are apart, I think he is looking at it. It makes me feel ugly, and not good enough.

I agree 100000 percent on this....I don't know why but I feel the exact same way as u. I have actually physically hurt myself because of this discusting filth. I left for one day and I came home to find it in my bf history and I went bizzerk!! It just eats away at ur heart and feels like someone punches me right in the heart. Idk why we feel like this but I want u to know ur not alone bcuz I feel exactly how u feel sometimes. Stupid, crazy idiotic...its just pointless. This filth needs to be erased completely.

IKR.. I SO AGREE! Thank you for sharing this ^_^