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Don'T Fit In This Racist Life

I am multiracial... Growing up it has always been hard for me. I was adopted into a white family. I was actually adopted by my grandparents whom I grew up calling mom and dad.

I am half white and grew up in an upper middle class family in the suburbs of chicago. I went to a catholic school from kindergarden to 8th grade. There was absolutely no diversity at this school. I cant recall anyone I knew who was mixed or black or even of hispanic or indian or asian decent.

I remember when I was little, a boy in my class said I was the devil because of my curly hair and dark skin. I can recall when people would ask my race and I would always make something up and say I was white and tanned in the sun a lot... I was afraid to admit that I wasn't completely white and was adopted.

I never asked my "parents" my true ethnicity because growing up I would always hear them diss other races. I heard racial slurs from my family. I remember vividly different times when my parents used negative words to describe; native americans, blacks, hispanics, and asians. I don't hold this against them. They grey up in a different time. My adoptive father was in wwii.

When I got to high school It didn't get much better. I attended a Catholic high school for a year, and then I transfered to a public school that was known for being full of rich "preppy" kids. Neither of these schools had much diversity but still more than what I had been used to. In hs I started telling people I was mulatto or black and white and that I was adopted. I enjoyed the public school and felt I did fit in better.

While I was in high school my adopted mother passed away. Then, a couple years later, my real mother passed away (she had a mental illness and cancer/thats another story). During these tragic times I was able to gain insight on my true race/ethnicities.... I am half white on one side. My real father was African American and Puerto rican.

I went off to college and discovered a new world where once again, I didn't quite fit in. During college my adoptive father passed away, leaving me with more money and white privilege. I started to hang out with black people and it was nice to feel like I fit in somewhere. However, I quickly found out that my skin was too light to be completely accepted by most peer groups in the "black community." This was disheartening and I was hurt by comments I heard people say about me. I could never fit in with the white or black community.

During college I managed to find the love of my life. He is black and quite popular, I was also quite popular on campus and fit into various groups/organizations, and this made our relationship difficult at times but we are still together today.

After college I found a job working part time at an authentic mexican restaurant as a server. I love it but what I don't love is people constantly asking me my ethnicity/race, or assuming I speak spanish. I also found I don't quite fit in with the hispanic side of my make up either. Customers would always say, you have too many races, or treat me differently after I told them my race and that I couldn't speak spanish.

Today, I know I'm beautiful and unique looking. I wish there were more multiracial people around so we could have our own group... There's always groups divided by race and ethnicity and people like me that can never fit into just one. But I embrace it, and truly love the way I look.

Just love,
craziibeautii3
craziibeautii3 craziibeautii3 22-25, F Feb 14, 2013

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