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50 Ways to Spot a Redneck (and They Need Not Live In a Trailer)

1) They believe that if something is on TV... then it's JUST GOT TO BE TRUE. The same goes for 'based-on-a-true-story' movies... which is where all of their historical knowledge is derived.

2) They will treat you as a carrier of the plague if they discover that you don't believe in god... even though they themselves never go to church, read a Bible, spread the word, pray, etc.

3) They can't keep their lies in order... due to a degraded memory resulting from the over-indulgence of marijuana. If they can't remember what came out of their mouths a few days ago... then you shouldn't be able to remember either.

4) They think the worst aspect of 911 was the day or two they had to go without televised sports.

5) They think the astronauts who lost their lives in the space shuttle disasters got what they deserved for being dumba$$ morons who did what they did for a living... but the death of Dale Earnhardt was a tragic occurrence that affected them on some deep spiritual level.

6) They believe 'Loose Change' is the unadulterated truth.

7) They believe man never went to the Moon.

8) They believe in dragons because someone told them that they are referenced in the bible, but dinosaurs never existed... the discovered fossils of which are most likely where the legend/myth of dragons originated.

9) They hate intelligent, open minded, rational individuals who don't see things EXACTLY as they do.

10) They don't vote because it's a waste of time... and they don't want to be selected for jury duty... yet they b###h and whine about anything political that they don't agree with... or even understand.

11) They believe the sole purpose law enforcement is specifically to keep them from getting ahead in life.

12) Some of them think that hiccups are a result of the heart skipping beats... I actually had one attempt to educate me in this respect. I'm no expert on the subject, but if your heart is skipping beats... you have a problem that is far more insidious than a case of the hiccups! You may try to counter explain that hiccups are more likely caused by a convulsive diaphragm... but then they consider you as a smart a$$ know-it-all because you can use Google.

13) They claim to hate communism... but can't begin to define it. I'm referring to the words similitude/derivation to and from words such as common, union, communicate, communion, community, etc. I'm not defending communism as the world has experienced it by any means... which has historically been some other form of corrupt government under the guise of communism. True communism is an ideal... nothing more... one for which not much can be said against. When explaining this to rednecks... they just stare at you like a deer caught in headlights and label you as an unpatriotic traitor... even though you may have served in the military while they sat at home and smoked pot, played video games, beat their dog, b###hed, whined, etc.

14) In their mind, the only thing worse than a broken Xbox is running out of pot... the end of football or NASCAR season is a close third.

15) They think book stores are for stuck-up rich people.

16) They keep a 120lb dog indoors, never take it for a walk, and yell at and beat it when it whines to go outside... then they put it out on the back porch to take a s##t and leave it there for the next day or two while they smoke pot and play video games in climate controlled comfort. Such an animal probably thinks it's name is "SHUT UP AND LAY DOWN, GOD####IT".

17) A set of five solar-charged malibu lights is their sole contribution to the energy crisis.

18) They consider professional wrestling as a form of artistic expression.

19) They think the most important things in life are those they can't afford.

20) They think only poor people like to go for long walks in the woods (ie: hiking) or ride a bicycle to work.

21) They have five televisions on in one room concurrently (or would if they had two more)... one for football, one for NASCAR, one for ESPN, one for soap operas, and one for the Xbox. If there is not a football game or a race on, then they get to use the Playstation also.

22) They brag about their paycheck when they THINK they make more money than someone else... and they don't understand that it is considered as bad manners to ask someone how much money they make or how much their car or house cost.

23) They think people who have money in the bank are paid too much and stingy for not giving it to them to satisfy their addictions.

24) They think die-cast NASCAR replicas are sound monetary investments.

25) If it wasn't for televised sports and video games... they would have no need for a gas powered electrical generator during a power outage.

26) They think people who read books have way too much time to spare... they should be playing video games instead.

27) Their next bag of pot is more important than having a bad tooth taken care of by a dentist... all of whom they fear, distrust, and consider as a waste-of-skin... the same applies to any medical professional.

28) They like rain because it gives them an excuse to sit inside and do nothing but smoke pot, watch sports, play video games, etc... unless they have race tickets... then they don't understand why god is f##king up their day.

29) Their dream vehicle is an oversized, 480hp dually pick-up truck, a Chevy of course, with 29 inch rims... even though the only thing they will ever haul in it is their own ignorant a$$es.

30) As a general rule of thumb... if something cost more than another, it must be of higher quality... unless they can't afford it... then it's a waste of money... but they secretly still want one.

31) They move into an apartment with a woman that has three children by three different men and never married... then can't believe it when they get cheated on.

32) They don't understand the need for taxes... even though the quality of their pathetic lives is 100 times better than that of 99% of the worlds population... outside of the States.

33) They state that President Bush is an idiot... but can't explain why in their own words. They laugh about "BRING IT ON" and think it was a totally appropriate thing to say to the world at large. Besides, Dubya owns a baseball team... how cool is that?

34) They don't understand what Michael Vic did that was so wrong... they were just dogs after all.

35) They insist that dropping out of high school was a wise decision... and they are better off for having done so. The fact that the majority of the worlds population never get that opportunity is irrelevant.

36) They hate Mexicans... especially the ones that lead a more meaningful, respectable existence than they themselves do. The same goes for anyone who doesn't speak perfect, southern, United Statesian English.

37) They enjoy seeing others fail at anything... it doesn't matter that others atleast make an attempt to succeed at something besides Grand Theft Auto. I'm referring to the video game of course... rednecks are far too lazy and stoned to actually attempt something as constructive and ambitious as grand theft auto.

38) They think signage that denotes things like 'Fireworks Prohibited' or 'No Parking' or 'No Dumping' does not apply to them. I would like to think they just can't read... but they have no problem in that regard when it comes to the sports section of some newspaper... which is the sole purpose for destroying a tree to make said newspaper.

39) When their furniture delivery truck gets shut down in another state by the DOT/DMV because they had marijuana in the vehicle and their stash gets confiscated and they have to spend the night in a rest area 400 miles away from home... they get PISSED OFF when they call you and you refuse to bring them a quarter-sack so they don't have to go without for one night. They actually entertained the thought of someone skipping work and driving 400 miles JUST to deliver their fix.

40) They hate Jeff Gordon... and I mean hhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttee him.

41) They think showing an interest in learning another language is foolhardy at best. Everyone should speak English... because they do... sort of... you see, HUKT ON FONIX WURKT 4 THEM!

42) They think that killing a harmless blacksnake is an act of bravery on their part... something to take immense pride in... BIG BADA$$ REDNECKS!

43) They feel that if one can afford to waste fuel for no good reason, then it is their god given right to do so... because global warming is a total crock of s##t and gasoline comes out of the ground from beneath U.S. gas stations.

44) They think individuals such as Albert Einstein deserve no reverence... even though Xboxes and satellite dishes might not exist if not for their discoveries, vision, and innovation. Also... they have no idea who Steven Hawking is... but if they did, they would consider him as a wheelchair bound retard... even though he is quite possibly the most intelligent and insightful person on the planet today.

45) They use rare antique encyclopedias to start a fire... MY F##KING RARE ANTIQUE ENCYCLOPEDIAS. Then they can't understand why I'm so "bent-out-of-shape" about it. They could of used that dusty f##king Bible they have stuffed in a closet somewhere. Those things are like AOL CDs... the U.S. has billions of them just lying around.

46) They think Dale Earnhardt was, undisputably, the greatest athlete to ever grace the Planet... PERIOD...but Pele was/is nothing more than a fast, long legged, black pu$$y from Brazil... which they think is located in Africa.

47) Drinking Heineken makes them feel sophisticated.

48) In their KNOWLEDGED opinion, 'Deliverance' was the worst movie ever made... but they refuse to discuss why. However, 'Days of Thunder' was a most excellent film... even though Tom Cruise is a total flake these days... again, they refuse to discuss the matter.

49) They think Bill Clinton was cool, solely because he admitted to smoking pot. I think Slick Willy was cool also, but because he admitted to being a human being with human flaws.

50) They came to North Carolina to get away from the rednecks in West Virginia. WHAT THE F##K WERE THEY THINKING?

Lostcause Lostcause 36-40 21 Responses May 30, 2008

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Oh and by the way, this proud redneck also is fluent in Spanish, Latin and Greek.

I have a response for ya. I live in the south, and though I do live in a trailer and enjoy living in the quiet country, I do not now nor have I ever enjoyed Nascar. I have and still always read the Bible. I don't bother people that don't care about it though. I don't hate gay people, and I am pretty conservative. It seems to me that you are stereotyping based on only a few that you have met. NOT everyone is the same. I am proud and happy to be a redneck. It has never occurred to me to be racist, I don't smoke pot and I can't stand Bill Clinton (as most people my area also can't stand him.) Rednecks are not always uneducated. Some of us have high IQs and good lives. Saying every redneck is the same is the same as saying that all black men are good at basketball. Some are and some aren't. Plain and simple. I don't follow soccer, but as I've stated before I don't watch Nascar, so I really don't care about Dale Earnhardt. Deliverance was a disgusting movie, and only a depraved mind would like it. I don't know any redneck that has ever used an old encyclopedia to start a fire. (LOL) That is kinda crazy. I don't think drinking Heineken makes anyone sophisticated and I don't anyone that does. Beer is gross. Personally, I'm not into alcohol. Every redneck I know respects Albert Einstein. I don't know where you get half the stuff you came up with. It's almost comical. Being a redneck means that you love America, the flag, God, family, friends and are loyal to the forementioned. Perhaps it is you that needs to get out more and meet more people and stop being so closedminded about people.

they treat your nice first for about three moths thne punch you in the boobs and push into you when they pass buy i know i had one , he was very stubborn mena selfish and expected me to run 1 and a half hrs to see him

I can not stand rednecks!! I have never liked them and will never like them. Everything listed in this is all true!! I hats how they talk and act. They are an embarrassment to us all. And I can't stand how they hate gays. They are all pieces of white trash.

yall r stupid...u dont got a first clue bout wat ur talkin bout. 99% of u dont even kno the real meanin of a redneck....a real redneck works fer everythin they own. yall say we judge and wat not? LOOK AT WAT YALL R DOIN!!!!!!! we angry cause idiots like u **** us off u aint got nothin better to do in ur borin lifes to pick on a people that aint got a worry in the word. **** YALL...ull see someday all yall is gonna call on a redneck to help pull ur ****** unpatriotic foriegn car outta the ditch or watever else u can come up with and imma drive by and LAUGH an spit my dip on ur pretty little shoes

I hate 'em too. I hate them because they think and act act like they're so doggone superior to everyone. If some of these rednecks went and lived in a more urban environment where there is multi-ethnicity, they would soon learn that they are NOT superior to anybody in that environment!...I'm just saying...

Aww, some poor little limp wrist got spurned by rednecks a few times too many? Why the bunched up panties, boy, did they not let you in the redneck games? Got called a fairy too many times?



I love it. The only openly acceptable social class that can be openly ridiculed, reviled, and publicly humiliated by anyone at any time with no repercussion ever is the same class that is constantly labelled as 'ignorant'. Talk about a lack of understanding. At least Bill Cosby understood us.



The rest of you, I'm willing to bet, are all about spewing the crap in the article and in the comments to each other on the interwebs, where it's safe, and us redneck/hick/hillbilly types can't physically touch you, but I'm positive that out there in the real world, you guys keep your pretty little mouths trapped shut. One thing we're not, is afraid. So be brave here, in the interwebs, my little panty wastes, and enjoy being on 'top' here. You'll go back to being the shriveling ***** in the presence of a redneck soon enough. Don't believe me? Then next time one of us is bothering your existence so much, say something about it to us, to our face. Willing to bet you won't.

Aww, some poor little limp wrist got spurned by rednecks a few times too many? Why the bunched up panties, boy, did they not let you in the redneck games? Got called a fairy too many times?



I love it. The only openly acceptable social class that can be openly ridiculed, reviled, and publicly humiliated by anyone at any time with no repercussion ever is the same class that is constantly labelled as 'ignorant'. Talk about a lack of understanding. At least Bill Cosby understood us.



The rest of you, I'm willing to bet, are all about spewing the crap in the article and in the comments to each other on the interwebs, where it's safe, and us redneck/hick/hillbilly types can't physically touch you, but I'm positive that out there in the real world, you guys keep your pretty little mouths trapped shut. One thing we're not, is afraid. So be brave here, in the interwebs, my little panty wastes, and enjoy being on 'top' here. You'll go back to being the shriveling ***** in the presence of a redneck soon enough. Don't believe me? Then next time one of us is bothering your existence so much, say something about it to us, to our face. Willing to bet you won't.

AMEN bruther glad to see people out there still gots a clue

You might want to add, you might be a redneck if you refuse to wear your dentures.

Not to defend Rednecks, but after reading the comments I have to conclude that you are all Liberals. LocusStorms comment has to be the dead giveaway " I see them out begging for money from local people to mow grass" this is what most people would call a job. You know, working for your money instead of waiting to get a government handout. Still many of the "50 ways" are both funny and true. I have to wonder how most of you would feel if a list was posted for say Mexicans, jews, or woman.

What does a RedNeck look like anyway? Can you tell just by the way they look?

LMAO.

Most rednecks are conservatives, not liberals. I thought all the liberal sissies lived in California, Vermont and New York with their skinny jeans on, eating sushi and driving their Prius. LMBO!

Not so boozer! Most of us love God, America, family, guns and are patriotic which makes us Conservative. Bye the way, we got real jobs too and are too proud to ask for a handout so your comment is pointless, thank you!

Read my comment again and you will see that its in response to the others and not attacking rednecks.

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I met some rednecks about six miles near where I am living in my nice lake home. the rednecks live in a thirty year old trailer from the year back of 2011 which has been added onto so many times i can esitmate the material cost is more than one grand worth of buidling supplies. The place looks like a box in the middle with surrounding new addidtions everywhere in any random direction. Then after the new addition is built and completed a few weeks later i see the location being ripped apart to be modifying with new materials again in another random direction yet I see them out begging for money from local people to mow grass. There have been multiple situation of the law there the place looks like a hole in the ground yet the rednecks continue to beg for money then add on to the old run down trailer.

Go figure i have no idea where the drunks getting the money from but none of them have a job and the place is too close to our property near the suburbs lowering our home value. I know there are not any known building permits for the work nor any inspections for the construction of the building additions. The location if too close to an area of fire hazards of forestry to be not taking any clear precautions in building.

Then talk trash about us upper class working professionals telling us screaming to go work at fast food and get a real job in lawn mowing how hard the rednecks worked to the top after having to push brooms around then keep begging for money sitting with beer cans everywhere around them.

Hell go figure. Rednecks are ignorant as **** then point fingers at everyone else when they just as damn ignorant and invading another persons privacy.

What really tops this all off is they the redneck have a party with hundreds of other rednecks from who knows where then are so loud with they that far away locals call the police to try to get he noise down yet when the rednecks have a hangover the nearest nieghbor mows the grass in the middle of the day the police are called for the noise!



Yes as for the reading books and being all "edumacaded" as the redneks say around here.

Yes this is how the locals really talk in the sticks here. Most here never graduated from the sixth grade and lucky to have been up to the eighth grade.



Go figure never can understand the definition of insanity for this is a term in whch lacks any sense of reason for being.

I saw on the internet once some redneck called police because someone stole his marijuana plants.



So true, they hate communism, but they don't know what it is at all...



About man on the moon though, i'm not a redneck, but i doubt about it.

Rednecks are really simple people: they love turning their brains off and mindlessly watching t.v. They also love being mean-spirited and hateful. Their outlook is generally a negative and pessimistic one. Chances are, if you encounter one, you'll see him or her watch some t.v. and bark out a few angry comments that will probably carry a negative, pessimistic, or mean tone.



This may be presumptuous, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that if you like to think and use your mind, and you don't really care to waste your life away by spend hour upon hour watching t.v., and you are generally a happy person who likes and appreciates most people and things (evil people and nuclear holocaust excluded), then you are probably not a redneck.

yeah Turbulence is exactly right

hate people in pick ups, i spit at em

What rednecks have you met?? I know no rednecks who fit ANY of these except maybe hating Mexicans.. Replace marijuana and Xbox with beer/cigarettes and hunting and it would fit all the rednecks I know. o,o

I agree to everything you said... even if you are a bit long-winded and little redundant. lol btw... southern born and raised, but not a redneck

OH! This one explains what happened to me too:



"They hate intelligent, open minded, rational individuals who don't see things EXACTLY as they do."

"If they can't remember what came out of their mouths a few days ago... then you shouldn't be able to remember either."



HOLY SH*T, NAIL ON THE F*CKING HEAD, my friend.



This is EXACTLY why a redneck got pissed at me for arguing with him. His memory is so ****** from meth and god knows what else that he couldn't win an argument with me if he had a debate team backing him.



I HATE REDNECKS!!!!!

haha all of its true! especially jeff gordon just because hes from my neck of the woods, sf bay area, and not from the hick south

New England rednecks dont believe in god or religion. They think that god is for *******. Either way they still love ignorance