The Real Problem Is Not Secondlife, Is A Symptom

I have been on SL for almost 3 years.  I was in a long time committed relationship when I joined SL.  My ex was a gamer.  Each day he would come home from work (after he found a job, the first two years of the relationship, I supported him while he got back on his feet financially).  I was never a gamer. I would play the odd nintendo game or hidden object search game.  I would cook dinner, and have it ready for him every night.  It was usually eaten cold cause he would run straight back to his xbox when he got home.  (Ironically I bought him the xbox for christmas one year).  Finally, I got tired of begging him to get off the xbox.  I remembered seeing SL on an episode of the Office and I joined.  All of a sudden, *I* was spending too much time online and not paying him enough attention (he didn't care while he was playing his xbox live and i was sitting in the living room just watching tv or reading, but once i started to socialize with people he didn't know, all of a sudden there was a problem).  We are no longer together.  He moved because for the past year of our relationship (prior to me getting on sl) he had been cheating on me with a girl he met on xbox live.  I am not surprised, I had found out a few months into our relationship that he had been cheating with me on someone else...i found out when he broke up with her for me. I was the stupid one there, and i should have walked away from him then.

Do not blame SL for your failed relationships.  YOU may have thought that your relationship was rock solid, but apparently it wasn't. People for the most part, go to sl and spend hours and hours on it because a part of their RL is lacking.  It is why i started, but not why I continue (I have a business on sl that now brings in RL money).  Yes, it's addictive...everyone is physically perfect, you aren't judged on your looks, you can be what you want to be.  

Despite what you think, the relationship you were/are in is NOT perfect.  Apparently there is a massive breakdown in communication with "you" and "your" partner (I mean universal you).  SL is a symptom, not a cause.  No one spends hours and hours on a computer game when they have a fulfilling real life as we call it on sl. 

Stop feeling sorry for yourselves, look in the mirror and wonder what you did, or more to the point what you did NOT do to drive your partner into the pixelated arms of someone else.
Belladonnawexhome Belladonnawexhome
4 Responses May 5, 2012

If you are Second Life you are only providing Linden Labs with more money to provide a place for some really sick crap to flourish. Things that in any other arena would be illegal. Pedophiles, **********, Snuff Film and Crush Videos,******, Rape is apparently a HUGE turn on in SL with whole areas devoted to forced to sexual slavery. I now feel that the time I spent on there condones these activities. I am not a Bible thumper but after I was bombed with poofers that filled my screen with images of snuff fims, dismembered children and adults, crush videos, torture kittes, kittens and bunnies, I could take no more and quit. It is the best thing I ever did. Screw Linden Labs for allowing sick trolls to make money off of things that are illegal.

I think people are so quick to blame second life for all their issues...That is completely unreasonable on so many levels. I agree with the author if your rl or your rl relationship was so solid there would be no need for you or your partner to come to sl and pursue others. I have been on sl for over a year and i hold a perfectly healthy rl but i have sl as well not because i am addicted but because its a place to be free and explore. If you find yourself addicted then you need to look at your life and what is lacking that would make you feel the need to grasp onto a fantasy world such as sl. so wrong.....its the time spent on SL...being bored is what got me started on SL.. SL is a breeding ground for sexual preditors, haters. snobs, liars, cheaters, etc....It is an addiction...I dare you to get of SL...Hours spent on a game when so much is a break down in communication when you don't want to talk to your significant other because you are on SL! SL is evil...addiction...a drug..just like ****.... if you are will leave.......

You are sort of right. My husband joined SL because he didn't have any friends and I was busy with work, kids, running the household etc. He has never been a very socially outgoing person so he joined for the "social" aspect, but stayed for the sex. He knew SL irritated me, but chose to stay. After 2 years I realized he was in fact cheating on me (he was a woman in a lezo relationship). That is when the lying started. I went into a downward spiral. He said he'd stop but didn't. He "swore on a stack of bibles" he was being "good". It was all lies. When he found out I was looking at his profile on SL he purposely "partnered" with another woman just to teach me a lesson. I created a website and exposed "him" as a "her." It didn't take long for the secret to get out that "She" was an older man pretending to be a young subservient girl on SL. His so called friends unfriended him and all his lovers vowed revenge. He threatened to leave me and the kids because of how I humiliated him. It got him off SL. That was 3 months ago. We have come a long way since then. We talk all the time. We make our marriage a priority. I'm still left feeling very inadequate about myself because of what I learned he had done on SL, but I think in time I can change that. I don’t think he has forgiven me yet, he said he never would, so we will have to see about that. SL is a very sore subject at our house.

Good for you for outing him. I needed that laugh. I hope it works it out for you.