My Sisters Friends Used To Do This

growing up some of them were so judgmental and smerky at others misfourtunes. i never got involved in it. in my teens i used to go off on my own to avoid that kind of thing.

in my late 20's i started seeing a world around me that was eating or disintergrating christan love, and family closeness values and trust. i began realising many people who i thought were friends in my childhood and relatives i used to place on a pedistool and idolize were not worthy of my love and admiration. the whole time they'd been sexually degridating and making fun of me.

i would go to a counselor called joyce poorter who just put more **** in my head.
i don't find it funny the way in the film group ricknd katy used to make fun of this little girl who was in the paper being molestered.

I didn't lke the way my uncle ron would make fun of people who were just living their lives and degrading women in every dirty sexual context he could invent.

I felt hurt and upset over my in-laws making fun of me a a little girl. it wasn't until my mid or late 20's I began to realise I'd invested much more good into people that didn't deserve my time and energy.

the rape, and bashings were the final straw and how can a family of ******* and arsewholes set a nice young woman who goes to support group for child abuse and has strong faith in god...who is a virgin set her up to be raped and labeled "*****" when she is struggling thru university and as family upset and isbeing humiliated and sexually assautlted by her uncle (ron).

no one knew what my issues where - the child abuse with bill, the house fire and grands drinking, dad's unemployment and health issues since the collapse he had at work in the 80's. its all funny to people.
its funny to my family that I failed uni and no quality man showed genuine and christan love and committment to me.
its was funny to them when rose ended up at the shock treatment ward...that near killed me taking aaron up there.

I never made fun of others misfortune and grieve...I used to look at my own childhood and be able to sympathise and understand, but no one understood me or cared. all stephen could say to me is "no one cared" about the bashings, the molestations, and rape, and stroke. and genital circumsision. well, I hope I am never so uncaring.

at least for support group I got thru. but I have felt so much anger I have wanted revenge of all who have wronged me. I have a few times thought "HA HA HA" when ron got his back or karen dumped on me for no good reason, just like brigette did to me and rose did. was all over bugsy???? cuz I did let him go years ago in the 80's cuz he never noticed me or liked me. so what, I hope I find the love I want with someone wonderful. I don't care if I never do, it can't make me a bad person.

I live in christan values that say "being loved by someone will no help you find out who you really are, a good christan woman turns her faith and love back to god and lives in agape love and rejects satan and avoids the people who abuse her"
I do try to forgive and if anything my chirstan faith is not as good yet to completely forgive. sometimes I think, one day I hope I can be as cool as to be given all I want and walk over others, beg forgiveness after I have got it all.
but I am not falling into the satan.

So I stay away and avoid those who wronged me violent and visciously.

I know the truth and god knows the truth!!!
redcoordial redcoordial
36-40, F
Jul 10, 2010