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Someone Explain To Me How To Survive A Small Town

I just recently got married to a wonderful man and relocated to a small town where he grew up.  I am from a big city and have always enjoyed the diversity of the city.  I have a nice house and stability.  I have been extremely depressed here lately because of the atmosphere of this small *** town.  My husband and I were the talk of the time when I first moved here.  Seems like everyone knew so much about us without any interaction.  Apparantly, the god fearing folk were upset that we moved in together before we got married.  When I walk on the streets it is almost a ghost town and there is virturally no traffic.  Last night we went to an early dinner and no one was in the restaurant.  The bartender was on a emergeny run so I could not order a drink.  The only two stores here are two dollar stores. I took a hip-hop class and the instructor thought it was a gossip session.   I have 2 college degrees and cannot find a job even as a cashier. Customer service here is non existant and I oftten go into stores and find noone around.   I can go to the dollar store and find out all the gossip of the town in a matter of minutes.  Seems like thinking outside the box is a hard concept here.  Went to the library to use the computer and could only stay on for 30 minutes.  Even though all computers were open I was told the policy for extended time is for me to ask ahead of time and I could not get back on the computer.   Got into a tiff with the lady at the licence bureau because she was adjusting my hair for the photo ( who does that?)  All businesses shut down at 8pm.  There is no place to go for salsa or country dancing.  TEll ME what do these people do?? 

As you can hear, I am having a tough time coping with this town.  I really jumped the gun when I thought things here would be easy.  Anyone have any words of advice or encouragement.  I seemed to be angry at the lack of open mindness and if it were not for the internet, I would feel completely lost. 

Thanks for letting me vent

cindy0215 cindy0215 41-45 76 Responses Apr 10, 2010

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You have to be the one to make the effort. Find something you can tolerate (perhaps you will come to enjoy) doing and seek companionship of a similar mindset. For me it was the repurpose and gardening crowd. I did not fit with the hunting/fishing or church bubble crowds even though I am spiritual and do love the outdoors. I went to local flea markets, shopped local yard sales and asked for help at the hardware store on making a "raised" bed. Got the juices flowing. I too miss the culture of a University town with restaurants, theaters and something other than HS Football for a sport-but I must make do and "bloom where I have been planted". Get creative. Peace and quiet and no crime are worth some sacrifices.

I added a response long ago but my opinion still stands. Unless a small town breaks out of stereotypically insular and homogenous mold, I too feel stifled in such a place. I don't know if you are still reading these responses but I hope you had found an opportunity to leave. Believe me, the only country side I'll ever consider again is living away from any neighbors too close by and with almost total privacy. Peace quiet, and nature are nice, but many small minds take away the allure.

If it is any consolation, I think that there is something worse: being single in a small town. I am single, I live in a small town and all the people of my age (40) are married with children. So, I have no friends to go out (there is no place to go out either). The couples never invite me to go with them. So, my life is work, home and loneliness. I cannot leave the town because my work is here. I have tried to be friendly and be a people person but they are not interested at all in having a friendship with me. They have their "perfect" lives with their husbands. Anyone in the same situation?

OMG, this is my life right now. I used to live in Washington D.C. Now I live in the middle-of-nowhere Louisiana to work for a Fortune 100 company to build up my career. Life is just so boring here and everyone has the same boring mindset. I don't like fishing or hunting. I want to go back to the city where there is a multicultural society and things are constantly moving. I literally need this to keep myself from getting depressed - call it chaos if you will.

I grew up in a small town of about 600 people all of my life....and then when I turned 18 I went off to college to a school of 30,000. I was shocked to learn how backward my little town was, how racist people were everywhere and that was acceptable, how creative mines were considered rebellious minds and how vicious people could be to each other. Yet....all those same people went to church on Sunday and proclaimed to be good Christian folks. I'm so glad I had that experience because otherwise I would have thought that growing up in this type of town was like you read about in a book with the corner market, everyone being neighborly and how safe my kids would be...I may have moved to a small town with my family. Thank goodness I found the rest of the world and my own life. My mother takes it very personally that I don't think growing up in that town was wonderful and perfect. She chooses to see it one way because she needs to. I never want kids to have creativity squashed and I never want my kids to see racism the way I saw it ( acceptable and normal). Stay true to who you are in this little town and you may be okay. If you struggle with that you need to move on into the world you love!

Run. Trust me, you will stagnate and die unhappy there. Get out while you still can.

that pretty much sums it up. exactly how I feel. Direct and good response. Thank you!

Omg!!! I found my people...I have been living in Missouri for almost 4 years. I hate it! There's nothing to do. I can't make friends...actually that's a lie I've made friends but quit talking to them because they were all two faced and all anyone wants to do is talk about people. They are all ultra conservative ultra religious or they are trashy criminals. Most of the women don't work and the main goal is marriage and baby making. My friends back home and I discussed careers, education, art, sex, etc. There was no judging. Also if you're not from here they treat you like crap. They should appreciate new people this town only has like 5 last names. I want to go home, but I love my job!!!

Being a business owner in a small town is the worst!!! People act like You owe them something... they don't want to work... they don't appreciate all the work that you do bringing a service to them that they previously lacked... and every other week there are rumors floating that you are going out of business... They may get just what they gossip about, though, because after 2.5 years we just can't handle being the 'ugly step-child' any longer! They will all eat themselves inside out!!! Give me Los Angeles ANYDAY!

sister, totally get where you coming from. Truth be told, you will go nuts without the life you like. Every person deserves to live the way he/she wants. What is the use of living when you can't even relate to anybody near you.
My opinion: please find yourself some get-away to the city for the weekends and eventually ask your husband to JUST understand you and move back to the city.

All I can tell you is..... Start talking to your husband about moving! My husband is from a small town and I almost moved there, thank God for his GRACE that I couldn't find a house. Our marriage would never have made it living in that god forsaken microscopic town. If you don't do things the way they do it or have your own opinion on things you're seen as uppity or proud!!!

I moved from a big city to a small town almost two years ago and am in a similar boat. I am 28 years old and moved when I was 26. This place is fine as long as you have the same lifepath as everyone else but if you are in any way different you are screwed. Its extremely unusual that I am still single and I get lots of question as to why. Most people here get married their senior year of high school when they turn 18 or shortly after. I want to move to a big city again but it will be years before I will be able to thanks to my financial situation. Plus, I have family here fighting me every step of the way. Nonetheless, I feel like I should be living it up somewhere cool at my age rather than being stuck in this boring, sleepy town.

People get married at like 18? Where are you living?

Refreshing. After three years of living in a small town, I woke up this morning at 4am wondering.. "Can I do this anymore? How far behind the times am I? Am I still living in 2010 when it's 2014?"... Yeah, it's scary. I lived my entire life in a huge city, where cultural events were plentiful, diversity, the arts, theatre, lectures, symphony, orchestra.. on and on... I'm in my late 20's now, 29 to be exact. I moved to southwestern Colorado for the outdoor lifestyle you could say, and to trade in the city life for nature.. Yeah, the good comes with the bad I now see. I chose a smallish-medium sized town because of the affordability. I had been traveling out here ever summer since I was 17, so finally I made the big move at 25.

Since the, I've experienced nothing short of 99% rude attitudes, clueless people who seem to have no outside perspective outside of gossiping and hating on one another, and little to nothing to take part in culturally. There is an 'elite' group, in Telluride, however this supposedly 'enlightened' group of people are as snooty/gossipy as it comes. There is no where in between here. It's either join the rich elite's club who think they're better than every one else, or continue to rot with the cultureless small townies. HELP!!!

And so this morning I randomly googled "support for moving to small towns", and this popped up. It does seem encouraging to know many other people are going through this... Some one, friend my on Skype! I need city people to relate to on this one..

Which town are you in southwestern colorado? Is it Grand Junction by any chance?

I live in Grand Junction, do you?

I used to about 2 years ago, not anymore, now I'm in seattle. But I loved Grand Junction. It was a great town, nice people and I hada great job.

I know this post is old but some of the replies are still new. I also moved out to a small town for love. The smallest population I've ever lived in was a suburb of 270k people. I was living in one of the most populated urban cities with 2.72 million people in the city. Now I'm in a town of 24,000 and having complete culture shock every day.I'm a tech freak and you can't find a tech magazine ANYWHERE here and the only electronics store is Target & Walmart. I'm also a gluten-free vegan and my options for foods are so slim and twice the price of anywhere else I've ever lived. I am fashionable and keep myself well groomed, and everyone here dresses like bums. I'm also an atheist in a town with 30 churches that are all super nice while the houses around them are old and falling apart. I don't like any of the people either. I like my boyfriend and his kid and our dog, 3 cats and 5 fish. People here look at me like I'm a strange alien. I'm used to having lots of guy friends too and the guys here are too scared to even look me in the eye or mumble a word to me. Women hit on me a lot here, which is weird. I mean, I'm bi so I don't care, but I don't want to make friends with people who want to take me away from my boyfriend, you know? Everyone goes to church or drinks. It's near impossible to get a job here because everyone is competing for minimum wage jobs that I'm way overqualified for. Luckily, there's at least a community college here where I'm going to go back to school and get a tech degree, but the technology they are using is WAY out of date. I'm hoping that'll change soon.Reading this post and all the replies has really helped. I feel so isolated here in this small town (24k is tiny to me). I mean, I like that 5:00 traffic doesn't exist, but I don't like not having options for anything. Medical care sucks, no support groups, no anything really... It's just such a limited way of life and everything I am used to is gone. If I want civilization I have to drive 1.5hrs away. I guess I'm struggling to adjust more than I want to admit.

Thanks for sharing. I too am in a small town that sounds similar to yours. It's amazing to me the group think that dominates here. It's like the creative types are not only not welcomed here, they are cast out! My attitude is, fine, you don't want me here and my talent, I'm GONE! This place doesn't deserve to have people here who question things, who believe in progress, and who believe in acceptance and inclusivity. Not if they don't welcome them, why would you try to change a place that isn't asking for change? They elect politicians that are in a never-ending ******* contest to see who can be the most cruel to society's minorities. Everything is either white or black here, culturally. There are no 'others' -- they get alienated and isolated and eventually either leave or kill themselves slowly OR conform and pretend to be like everyone else, and then eventually all that **** gets internalized and everyone really does think and act the same. EFF that. I'm still going to call a spade a spade, still going to think freely and still going to be creative and inclusive. I know, however, that this strategy will only work if I leave here within a year or so (I'm close to that now thank god). Stay here long enough, and I'd be forced to either accept the values of people here or somehow change them, which is a burden no visitor should have to bear. Small towns are ok in theory I'm sure, but in practice this is a living hell hole for anyone who may be considered an 'other' --- ethnic minorities, political minorities (e.g. leftists such as myself), religious minorities, gays/transgenders, interracial daters, etc. Note that in the vast majority of big cities, these groups are not really 'minorities' --- as there is no religous majority in NYC, there is no racial majority in NYC, gays everywhere, etc. Only when you come to a small town do you realize how different-in-a-bad-way you are, instead of your differences being welcomed and appreciated like in a big city. I don't believe all small towns are the same, but any small town in North Florida or in the South is bound to have many of these characteristics. Those who stay without questioning or living anywhere else ever will never understand--- they don't know what they don't know. Like Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Life is too short to live somewhere where your true self is not appreciated or welcomed. I say move somewhere open-minded asap.

You're not alone! I too come from a small town although the one you mentioned sounds worse. Always wanted to move to the big city and when i did it felt so right! Like i was at home. The convenience of everything available at your doorstep , the great customer service, the driven people you meet, the lights, the high energy levels around that scream out LIFE!
However I've had to move back to this small town for family and the only reason i'm here is because of them, they need me right now and i'm more than happy to be here for them but i don't want to be this frustrated me. I have no life otherwise - forget work, forget having a social life because more than half the people here are small minded and you can't even relate to them!
What i decided to do is to start spending time with myself, there has to be a way so i started reading a lot of books, watched documentaries, started painting, started exploring the outdoors, started cooking all kinds of dishes, basically start developing hobbies and learn things which you have otherwise never had time for in the cities. Youtube can teach you a lot of things too, you can even learn a new language online!
You might actually learn a few things about yourself in this time and explore things about yourself that you never knew existed. The key is to stay occupied.
Wish you best of luck my friend.

It will be okay :)
I grew up in the smallest of towns...I think my favorite one so far has only 200 people.

The Best thing about small towns is that once you make friends..they will be your friends no matter what and forever.
I personally enjoy simple. My life has always been simple..I wake up..go to work..get home. .fish..horses..anything you can imagine and with quiet you really can reflect and get to know yourself better....don't worry about gossip....that's their issue they will have to one day deal with.

But I know how you feel..see I recently moved to a huge city and I feel lost and alone and out of place...people think I'm out of place just as people see you as being out of place. . I honestly think the feeling for both of us is just the change..just the change.

But you are definitely right about not being open minded...I don't think I could ever really be open minded..not about a lot of things. And I think cities scare me like small towns scare you....Both for the feeling of being alone... you may find that weird...I heard it's weird haha..but true.

You will adapt I promise and really you have your husband and he's your best friend too so smile and be happy :) even a fake smile will turn into a real one.

As for prestige or class or degrees...no one will care...what makes them happy is being comfortable and the acceptance they will always have. You will make friends...you will meet nice people....and you just may learn to love your new life . And don't worry about everyone finding out everything about you...trust me when i say that they may laugh at you but really they don't care..everyone is friends with everyone and soon enough when you need them they will be there for you though out anything :)

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Thank Heavens I am not alone. I'm praying that I can move back to civilization soon!
Everything you guys are talking about is true for me too. There are days that I don't think that I can take it but somehow time goes on. People here do not like the fact that I comb my hair and wear clean clothes. I am from a small Southern town but do not remember it being like this crazy place. This place makes me embarrassed to be from the Southern United States. I think the worst part is the Bible belt philosophy. I am a spiritual person but don't like to be preached to every waking hour. I have met some of the most crooked, horrible people in the whole world here and they sit on the front row of a church. I think it is crazy the way people follow these crooks like sheep and believe their crocodile tears. It is horrible to see how people ruin others lives and laugh about it. I too stay inside my house like a prisoner because I cannot stand being around anyone here.

A highly low ranked university (I am embarresed to join any community arts groups). Walmarts full of obese uncultured people, there are no sidewalks, a library not updated since 1972, local news station ( the female news reporters wear neon green with pearls, streets and resturants are usually empty, Downtown consists of, 3 blocks ( With only one side of the 3 blocks inhabited), buffets, pickleball, potguts, Yoga instructors (Who only know "Downward Dog), a country town with no country or southern culture (Except for the "Cracker Barrel), Getto/Country Bumpkins (Who only interested in their backward and antiquated Christian theologies, low income garage sales, only one nice grocery store (Only old people Shop there), subdivisions, only mini-bus public transportation (Toothless and 3 kid female passengers/people who look like mutants), buffalo wings, ***** malls, people who are nosey, sexist, racist, women who think jogging pants with Victoria Secret on the ***, black roots/ dirty greys/no black women with natural hair (Only thin greasy perms), clubs/bars that are disgusting, No health resturants, empty public parks, every resturant has bad chinese food, no museums of interests, all summer festivals revolve around elephant ears and bad beading, a farmers market ( usually no customer or only the elderly,
empty movie theaters....Trust me, the list continues. My fiance' transferred here for better pay and I attend university online. My fiance' can't leave his job yet, because of fear of losing his benifits and not having found a better job. I hate it here! I am from a large city and used to riding public transportation). I have no friends. I just stay in the house with my little cat. Some times I cry because I feel that my life has just stopped. I am afraid of being doomed. My fiance' says that, in order to "Get a life", I may have to lower my standards. I don't want to become complacent in this place. I don't want to change who I am! To other people out there....You are not alone, many people are experiencing it too. I feel like i'm on "Green Acres". I am looking into joining an online: Band, book clubs. ^_^ Don't give up. Try to be creative or start your own groups or events. Ciao!!!

I just feel so much better reading these experiences. I know I'm not alone now.

I hear you I hate my town, too. I was not born here, so everyone hates me. If you didn't grow up here, you get treated like crap and talked about. People are always nasty and rude to me because they figure I don't matter anyway. I am college educated, work, own a home, and try to do what I'm supposed to. But it doesn't make any difference. I'm not from here, so I'm trash. I've had people I don't even know make up things about me. I'm tired of how we don't even get a chance we are judged even though I don't really know what we have ever done that's so bad. I am trying to get my husband talked into moving anywhere else, preferably either a bigger town where people aren't up in my business, or out in the country. I hate it here. I feel so unwelcome. Now that the kids are out of the house and we sold our business what do we have left here. Nothing. I hope you were able to move somewhere else that you get treated better. No one deserves this. It is like a slow death, every day a piece of your soul dies. I will never, ever live in a place like this again. Everyone looks down their nose at us, like they are better. All they want to do is sit in the bar drinking, smoke crack, and sleep around. It's boring, depressing, and like you are in jail. So I feel you.

I hear you shellbelle. My family and I are going through the same thing. We moved to this rural, mountainous area for the peace and quiet of country life. It has been a nightmare from the start. I hate it here, not the area and it's beautiful surroundings, but the small minded mentality of the people in this community. Churches about one every mile that are filled to the hilt every Sunday, but yet these same people are the most hypocritical, hatefilled, lying, manipulating users that ever walked this earth. Gossip? If these people can't find out anything about you, they have no problem making things up. We have found out more about our lives and our activities from the gossip going around then we ever knew we did, and of course all untrue. The attitude of the people who are looking down on you, is not a reflection of you or what you may or may not have done, it's the mentality of these people who have no desire to better themselves or their lives and are threatened and envious of someone who has. I have found that the people in the community where I live have no desire to better themselves or their community. They prefer to live off the system. Drunk driving, drug use, underage drinking, you name it, is rampant in this community and nothing, absolutely nothing is done about it. If you want a job here, you had better know someone, because you won't get hired otherwise. What jobs are around are minimum wage and that's it. I'm not bothered that the people in this community aren't welcoming to us. After having a few talks with some of these people, I don't want to associate with them, what bothers me and is very disturbing is that these people have such sorry lives that they have nothing better to do then to cause stress, drama and conflict for people they don't know with their lies and their actions and have no problem with it. I'm not into drugs or drinking and I don't give my young adult children or their friends alcohol or prescription drugs, we have valid drivers licenses and our cars are insured. We work, pay our bills and support ourselves and not spread gossip because we are just to busy living our lives, so it only makes sense we don't fit in this community. We are everything they are not. :) Thanks for letting me vent

Wanna hear a Really ignorant small town story? They cyberstalked and then consequently rapped and tried to traffic an innocent women.. and when they could Not Succeed in doing that .. They Started a rumor and then falsely reported that she and her family were Child Abusers. And from that, then they stalked her from state to state across the country over the course of two decades.. And Still maintained their indignant innocence and continually defended and subtly accused and threw around unfounded, unsubstantiated allegations and rumors to this day about this .. emotionally exhausted and battered poor women.. That's Surviving a Crazy Small Town for ya people. Word, peace out!
oh and support hand guns for women and personal protection everybody - it's your right!.

I too feel the frustrations and helplessness you are experiencing. I moved from Vancouver, BC Canada to a 1000-population town in rural Saskatchewan (prairies). I fell in love with a farmer and moved for him. Now, 3 years later, I feel like I'm going crazy. Everything from the way they pronounce their words, to the cutting gossipy bs they engage in, to the devout religious crap they push... It's insane. I have always embraced cultural differences and given space to people who think differently than me. But now? I could fill this town with fire... The expectations they place on you are ridiculous. I bought my vehicle from a dealership in the city (not the one in my town) and they won't even put air in my tires now. They call me a "traitor". But everything here is jacked up!! I paid $25 for a broom at our hardware store because I'm supposed to support local business. **** that!!! Vaseline-d and bent over, no thanks!!!

The grocery store is impossible, everyone comments and says shy about the food you're buying. I can't get stamps or a bottle of pop without getting stink eyed from the old hillbillies having coffee in the back room of the convenience store. I listen to my co worker sit on the phone all day and talk **** about her "friends". Everyone here drives the same vehicles, dresses the same, ugh!! God forbid you stand out, they won't shut up about you.

My biggest peeve is the lack of desire to grow with everyone. All these women are doing is looking to get married and pregnant. No one wants an education (I have a degree) and everyone is so satisfied just burying their head in the sand and having 4 kids. It's like going back in time. I know how you feel and I can't stand it either!!

Bah ha ha, I googled I hate small towns and this pops up. l am also in rural Saskatchewan now. Sometimes I contemplate running my car into the church on a Sunday morning.

Love your screen name. Lol. What part of Saskatchewan are you in?

This made my day bahahaha! I hate the small so called "Bible belt" town we live in!

I have been living in a small townoutside Louisville, KY for 14 tears and loathe it. I grew up outside of Philadelphia. My husband is from this state and his parents moved to be closer to us so I am stuck. I don't think small town people are simple minded I just think they can be self-absorbed at times. We have just recently started attending a new chruch and everyone says hello during meet and greet but no one actually "talks" to us. We're not from this town. I have even taught in the school system and if you are not from here you never really feel like you fit in. I guess I am seen as a bit too bold and serious. If I had my way I would be living by the ocean or in a really big city like Philly or better yet, New York. SoHo would do! I just keep hanging in there. I have found that I just keep to myself and watch what I say. Everyone knows everyone you know! What I wouldn't do to meet someone that doesn't already know 20% of the people I know. Very restless and just praying through it.

It's great to finally find people who feel the same way I do. As the rest of you are, I am also struggling with living in a small town. This is a tiny semi-rural town (actually it's even referred to as a village) environment that I just can't tolerate. I have lived here since I was a little kid and was ready to leave many years ago. I am extremely depressed, bitter, and angry. I feel as if my family and friends don't even completely understand my frustration not only with this town but the general small-mindedness of the nearby small "cities." In my opinion, the general region I live in is very closed off to change, new ideas, and different types of people for the most part. Where to start? (Now, granted I have encountered some intelligent, broad-minded, and accepting individuals. They were people who were either educated, have traveled at least a little bit, or were just naturally curious to know what was beyond their back yards.) I'm not going to generalize everyone I've haven't met yet, but from what I've observed and experienced, I live in a very provincial, narrow-minded, and cliquish area. The majority of the time it strikes me how generic and interchangeable many people are. People much of the time are too similar. They act, think, speak, look, and dress alike. That wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't always being singled out for my differences. Over the years, I have been stared at, ridiculed, heard ignorant comments, and have been marginalized for my personal choices, or ignored all together. I am very miserable and uncomfortable in a small town environment. I feel nervous and apprehensive to go out for something as simple as grocery shopping. I made up my mind recently that I refuse to conform to the simple-minded and frankly stupid norms of this area. I am resentful with even being with my family all these years and their disapproval and criticism. Granted, it was only with good intentions so other people wouldn't give me a hard time. The last two years, they have tried to hold back comments and accept me more, but I still sense their disapproval and confusion as to who I've become. I am fed up with walking on eggshells and pretending I don't see the disbelief and restraint in their faces. I hate everything about the area. I despise the lack of diversity in its people (cultures, languages,religions, subcultures, expressions of unique style, different hobbies and interests.) I loathe everything closing down early, the limited services and businesses. I am someone to likes to be enriched with alternating between different experiences and situations. Sometimes I like to stay in and do arts/crafts, writing, music, reading, movies, etc. Yet if I want to have a night out, the commute to anything decent is a 30-60 minute drive! Even worse there are really no jobs here (except minimum wage), it's not a good area to start businesses, it is lacking in any cultural/ recreational amenities. I prefer a variety of independently owned businesses such as music stores, bookstores, museums, art galleries/shops, boutiques, higher end consignment shops,(and ok sometimes discount outlets like Burlington Coat Factory, TJX companies,)cafes, ethnic cuisine restaurants,farmers markets, antique stores, and libraries with longer hours! And we have to go 20 minutes away for basic services such as hardware and furniture stores, accountants, cleaning supplies,and basic services to run a house and daily life tasks. There is no public transit whatsoever here. In the nearest town, there is one junction for a train to Boston. And Fall River has a bus system. Yet in my village, there are no trains, buses, taxi services, trolleys, or metro rails of any kind. I have to drive everywhere and I only got my license two years ago. As a kid, I always had to ask people for rides and set my schedule around them. I don't hate all small towns, it's just there is nothing offered here. It's only about 5,000 people. It is not a very educated area. It is not a college town, tourist town, or economic thriving center. It's surrounded by forest and only recently did this village add a Stop&Shop center. Wow. "Downtown" includes a couple of gas stations, one summer ice cream shop, one diner, Subway, one antique shop, one art gallery, one tiny convenience store, one bank, and a church. This is just a bedroom community. I have had on occasion a few friendly people wave to me on occasion and I was shocked. It was nice though for a few fleeting moments. I've traveled to many other places like New York City, Virginia, Vermont, NH, Maine, New Jersey, PA, and overseas. Many people here seem to not traveled (not everyone has the means to do so) or have no desire to see other states, provinces, or countries. I feel so lonely and even my two friendships are strained because no one can deal with how angry and negative I have become. Yes I admit, I'm very insecure and still trying to carve an identity and niche for myself. However, living in a small town doesn't help. There are no social or professional opportunities that allow branching out and expansion. I'm a young single adult at 21 who is ready to start over and have a fresh start away from where I grew up. I hate being trapped where all my negative experiences occurred and not being independent enough yet to leave and live life more on my terms. I took the semester off from school to figure out what exactly would be the right major for me. Now I realize just postponed my prison sentence here. I'm going back to school in January and finish 2-21/2 years for my bachelor's degree. My family even can't believe sometimes in places like Fall River and Boston, just sometimes how some people today still look down on immigrants. Even educated professional ones that become US citizens. I'm a first generation born American and that also causes strain between a couple of my friends and me. Their families have been here for at least several generations, so can they know what's it like? Everything about me sticks out. I dress very fashionably and warmly too, because I may be from the northeast but I still get cold with anything under 80-something degrees. I speak very properly and don't say cuz instead of because. I'm have hobbies that are different from what my friends like. I care about business and global occurrences, rather than what goes on in my backyard. I've tried so hard to not pick up the New England street slang and accent. Overall, my tastes and preferences don't match my environment. I hate the freezing cold weather three seasons out of four each year. I love the heat and the sun. I'm big on individuality and self-expression. I've realized not a large city person nor a small village/town person. It is very hard to find like-minded people in a small town. Nowhere is perfect but I've had enough. I want a best of both worlds medium-sized city or town. I'm finishing school, saving my money, finding work elsewhere, and never looking back before my soul suffocates. Good riddance!

You can do it!!! Can you transfer before the 2 or so years are school are up? I so feel your pain. . . When you move to another place you will find that your "being different" that so many people give you **** about is actually what they rest of the world considers normal! They're the ones who are abnormal, not you! There is life beyond a small town with it's soul-murdering ways. . . Good luck picking out schools to transfer to :D

Hi there again klk22 , as to the college question I either have to stay instate or go to college that has a metropolitan tuition reduction policy in a nearby state. The reasons that I am trying to tough it out for another couple of years are because most of my undergraduate requirements will be transferred over to a state school and the tuition is more reasonable instate. One other option is Rhode Island College in Providence ri. My town happens to fall under the MA cities they reduce out of state tuition for. Yet it is still almost twice as much with room and board and other fees. It is much cheaper commuting to school nearby. I think RIC would be a better social fit and it still has academic and internship opportunities. Providence is a more diverse, eclectic, vibrant, and artsy small city. For me, it would be a major step up. I have seen the upperclassmen housing in apartment style and some people even get small rooms to themselves and only have to share a bathroom. One part is thinking that I don't know who I will have as roommates, part of me would want to get away from the college environment sometimes and not have to deal with noise when I' m studying or prefer my privacy. I don't like the restrictions of living on campus such as there not being a stove and oven to cook meals in. Apartment style suites have kitchenettes, common living area, it's own bathroom, and the possibility of having your own room or sharing a room with another person. There would be two to four bedrooms. RIC has more spacious on campus housing than anywhere else I have seen. Ideally I' d like to live in off campus housing near the college and take public transit to school or have a short walk to school. There don't seem to be many apartments within really close proximity to the school and I am not driving in the middle of providence. Frankly, I am scared to drive around here because many of the drivers in RI and MA drive like a bunch of reckless lunatics! I mean even when there is no traffic, people will still honk at you, tailgate, flip you off, and cut in front of you suddenly without turn signals. Heaven forbid anyone doesn't go over the speed limit or actually abides by traffic rules and not tailgate on top of other cars! I do not understand how some of these people have their licenses and they should be revoked immediately. Plus the rent is ridiculous I can't afford fthousand dollars a month nor do I know enough people who could split the cost. That would not count utilities, food, and all other bills. Oh and making all roommates are paying their share of the rent. Even in on campus housing, I 'm afraid of ending up with slobs, party animals, or any other kind of outrageous roommates. On the other hand, living on campus would allow me to utilize and access tutoring centers, academic resources, professors, and dining options on campus covered by Meal plans. My family is paying my college tuition so they gave me two options: commute nearby or live on campus. Part of me craves a significant lifestyle change and another part is dying to bite the bullet and just get college over with. I never wanted the traditional college experience. I only pined for the day college and any schooling would be over so I can move on with my damn life. I originally had it all planned out. I would go to UMASS Dartmouth, commute, save money for moving out later, and there would be less money to pay back. I was formerly going to be a Spanish language major with a minor in international business. I even started writing a business plan to eventually run my own language translation service or become a purchaser for fair trade companies who needed intermediaries between themselves and the artisans they hired. I even thought of opening up my own fair trade artisan crafts store after 12 to 15 years of experience. At twenty I broke down. I felt detached and isolated from everything around me. I felt stifled living in the same small place with the same people. The stagnation and aggravation got to me. I felt as if all my options were being closed when finalized my college transfer decision. I realized I had never given myself a chance to fully explore my identity and sense of self as I grew up. After senior year, I realized I was not going to college for the right reasons. I went immediately because I thought that was what the expectations. I should have traveled on my own for a little while and have become involved in meaningful internships or do ducal enrollment when I was younger. I could kick myself. Postponing continuing for my bachelor's degree was a self imposed delay to my life. I regret it every second. My family was very disappointed and reluctant to let me take time off school. I would have miserable at umass Dartmouth but depressed with a purpose and goal in mind. I would be half way through junior year now. I am such an idiot. Also due to my gap I maintained at community college I would have paid less tuition at umass. It is just that I felt suffocated and trapped still having to stay here. Truthfully I didn't have any desire to go to college in a town like Dartmouth. It would just be seeing same people I grew up with and frankly I don't find Dartmouth to be a very open minded and socially accepting place overall. Being in southearn Ma is a nightmare. It is too homogenous, socially conservative, and lacking innovation in improving quality of life for its students and residents. Downtown Bedford is somewhat better. There are some international students and transplants from other us regions but ukase Dartmouth generally feels like a school where most of the students are just local and that frankly drives me insane. I took a tour of the school and it seemed like a prison. In the end, I hope I make the right decision for myself.

I have read a number of responses of people about living in small towns. Its been fun to read because I thought I was the only one who was having a miserable time.

I left my hometown in the middle of Nebraska when I graduated from high school and went to college. Once you get a college degree there are no jobs that you would like to do in the small town because now you have your four year degree. I got married to my girlfriend and we headed to Omaha. It was a great place to be.

I did go into sales and was very good at meeting people and enjoying the larger city. It took a little bit to get used to it, but there were always so many fun things to do. I met my new neighbors all the time and became friends with them on a regular basis. The other nice thing is in the larger town there are so many things to do. I had season tickets to basketball, went to baseball and played golf with others. Life was a joy. I did get divorced, but did date because it was fairly easy to find a lady that wanted to.

I did enjoy staying in Omaha because I had a major medical issue and the Dr.'s were much better in the large town -vs- going and living in my small town. Well, after twenty years I finally had my surgery and could no longer work. No kids, no wife and needed someone to watch over me. I had to move back home. I have been here two years now. It is horrible.

I know many people I went to high school with and was friends with them during school, but they don't want anything to do with me. Maybe because I have no kids, not married or because I am disabled. Basically I have stayed to be close to parents. When they die, I am leaving. I hate small towns. I live here now and have no friends. I sit in my apartment by myself all day and that is pathetic. Wish me luck on moving and getting over my loneliness. Thanks

Hi.
I'm 25 years old, a woman, who lives in a small town in Sweden in 5 moths now with my husband. Before that I lived in Stockholm, the capital city of Sweden, abroad, and also after I moved here I lived abroad for three months then moved back here. This is definitly one of the hardest things I have ever been through in my life, I tried so hard and for a long time to manage living here and even to like living here, but I absoutly HATE it here. I regognize myself what some of you here has written aboute. I feel like a complete total Alien here, like I have nothing in common with the people here, that my life has COMPLETLY changed and I am totally completly absolutly depressed angry sad suicidal frustraded tired bored alone becausse of this. I had mental problems Beforefor sure, but sins I moved here I feel like I have even more completly becomed insane. Sweden in a western country so it's a lot better here then in many other countries in the World, BUT it's a small country with few people especially here in the country side of Sweden. I have school here untill next Summer, I don't want to drop of school (that will obvously make my life worse) I also had to sign a agreement to live in the apartment me and my husband lives in now to stay live here untill next summer. wich means I am stuck here and have to stay here untill next summer, wich is a toatal NIGHTMARE. me and my husband looked a lot and for a long time for our own apartment to live in a long time that diden't cost to much in Stockholm, it's very hard to find that there not only for us for everyone. We where running out of Money time and patience and coulden't find anything there, so finally we diden't have Another choise then too look outside of the capital city, so we found a cheep big apartment kind of near to the centrum here that we will have for a long time and where we will live alone. It's obviosly important with security and safety in life and to survive so we moved here. I know that I had to do it, so I understand that I did but it's one of the WORST most horrible terrible things I have ever done in my entire life I regret it so much I wish so badly that I had found any other solution. The remaining months I have to stay here will continue to be HORRIBLE but I somehow have to find ways to survive it so I next summer can move back to my Lovely city Stockholm, I'm born there and lived there most of my life, ore Another big city abroad. It feels like the only thing keeping me alive and not breaking down too much to even be able to handle school and those nessesary things is the hope belive Dream (and knowledge? I can't know for sure but I HAVE to move so I'll dare to say that I will) that I will move away from here in 7 months, even do those months will feel like 7 years. And at least I have my husband so I'm not completly alone, I could hang out with my neighboure and like Three of my classmates but I really can't. I really tried but those people are very mentally ill ore/and that we have nothing in common and are too different from each other, there is no one else for me to be with sins there is so few people here, almost nowhere to meet people and most people just want to be with people they allready know ore to be alone, the only few other ones are so mentally ill that I can't be with them. So I will rather be alone here and spend time with my husband here then to be with those people. Living abroad for Three months sins I moved here helped A LOT lot lot it was so so SO much fun and just AMAZING in SO many way's! And that I've been visiting Stockholm during some weekends (I don't know exactly how many times) sins I moved here have helped and made me VERY happy a lot LOT lot to! Let me know id any of you are around my age and in a simillar situatuion especially if you diden't know ANYONE in the small town Before you moved there from the big city. I would really REALLY like to talk to someone I can REALTE too, I REALLY need that.

Why can't all of US just create our own small town! God, I am utterly, hopelessly miserable. I dream, yes, like at night when I'm sleeping, dream of living in a city, like where I'm from. Any city. Vegas? Seattle? Whatever. I HATE this tiny town of rubes in Northern Colorado. Hey! Hey everyone, did you know that Fort Collins has the most college educated per capita than ANY other town in the whole galaxy? Just ask ANY Fort Collins resident over 40, they'll be glad to tell you all about it! Here's a little math: It's a small town with a big college. So of course, most of the people that work at the college are (stay with me here) COLLEGE EDUCATED. I just hate it. Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. It's a small nowhereville hole with feedlots and corn fields. And, yes, a college, from which the truly enlightened will graduate and move from. And BTW, Fort Collins, you're not THAT far away from Greeley, so get over yourself.

I have a rather whacky lifestyle, at least according to the norm here. I have no children, nor do I want them, I actually want to invest in myself rather than living out my failed dreams through my child and I am happy to do independent activities most of the time. GASP! HORRORS! Grab a torch, villagers! The song "small town" by JC Mellencamp says it best "I can be myself in a small town and people let me be just who I wanna be" but he left out the rest that goes, "as long as I'm born here and just like everyone else". The women, oh the women. Backstabbing fake two faced judgmental breeders whose only living aspiration is to be at their pre-baby weight. And the ones who are supposedly progressive, here's a little info; The Olive Garden is NOT real Italian, an amethist necklace does NOT make you a white witch, Joanie Wilson's dance factory is NOT Alvin Ailey, and if you try to discuss any supposed mutual interests, the self righteous small town entitlement always comes through and we always end up back at the same subject: Your kids.

I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore! OK, I am, because I love my husband, and he has a job he won't leave. But I still hate Northern Colorado. Thanks for all your posts here people, I am relieved to know I'm not alone!

Haha I ran away from Fort Collins to a much much smaller town up in the mountains! And it's like I have the black plague here, NO one will hang out with me.

Oh baby, try living near Centennial Wy! Jeez, the women dress like men, you say one thing to them and the next thing you know it blows into something more terrible than what you said. They are aggressive and catty. They fight in the parking lot of the bars - which is the only social activity - and they can they DRINK! No one will hang out with me either. I actually have the AUDACITY to wear make up and perfume! Skirts! Sandals! The men can be nice but the older ones are sexist. They all sleep with each other. A saying in town is "If you can't be first you could be next!" GRROSS!!!! My boyfriends exes are crappy towards me - even the one nighters! Can you imagine that you sleep with some chick nine years ago because you're drunk and she gives your new lady ****? If one of my one nighters gave him crap they would get a drink spilled on them - it's psycho. Get over it. That is the advantage of a big city. EXES are EXES! You don't see them anymore. You move on. These psycho women have caused arguments by butting into our life. Now I stay away and we get along so much better.

He can't leave because his work is here and it is a highly specialized field.
He just says "This is why I acquired an import."

I've lived in almost every big city in the US. Chicago, San Fran, DC, New Orleans, LA, and England. You don't **** with me. I'll tell these ugly small minded mountain chicks to F*** right off. It may cause some friction between the town and him but, TOO BAD. If I can't leave because of his job - he can adapt to his "friends" not liking me. And he has learned there is a difference between friends and acquaintances. Friends support your relationship. Acquaintances turn their back on you.

The friends he has made here that have lasted 25 years are really nice. And they are nice to me but their wives won't even make eye contact with me.

So I have taken to cooking exotic dishes, painting, I will be getting on line classes very soon and starting a career at home. I was a respected professional now the only job I could get was eight dollars an hour and 30 miles away. I will continue to keep to myself.

Small towns suck.

The only saving grace - we live 15 miles from any town. No Neighbors. I don't go see them and they don't come to see me. I am happy with that. I only go to Laramie for groceries and after twice going to a pub without him - I only go with him and they mostly keep their fly attracting mouths shut when he's around.

I feel your pain. I live in Cut Bank, Montana. But I was born and raised in San Francisco. I traveled much of the world, only two continents I haven't been to are Europe and Antarctica. I came here to help my mom and grandma finally move out of this hell hole. It started ok, people remembered me from when I was young and here for a couple years. (I am 31 now). My wife and I made friends, but in retrospect, it was the worse decision we had ever made. The first couple we made friends with seemed cool at first. In fact, one of them hooked me and my wife up with jobs at Pizza Hut. On my wife's birthday, their house burned down. So we open our doors to them. The couple had two awesome kids, age 6 and 1 1/2. We had a daughter who was 6 months younger at the time. (I say had, because now we have two daughters.) I thought things were going well, but apparently they weren't. After paying to get their car fixed (It was useful, being that we still don't have our own car) and changing most of our daily routines to attempt to be as accommodating as possible, as is our way, they left and began spreading rumors, causing me to lose my job. My wife still works at pizza hut, but they only give her 10 hours/week. We made new friends, and then they began spreading more dangerous rumors. They have the entire town believing I am an international crack smuggling car stealing pimp! It got to the point where the police attempted to actually raid our apartment! And all this started about a month after my mother passed away (she died in december, and it all started in january). Just yesterday, I was standing in the shade of our neighbors RV smoking a cigarette, though where we were standing was in OUR driveway. They tried telling us we had to leave, and even threatened physical violence if we don't get out of our own driveway. Then THEY call the cops, and presented with everything, the cops gave ME a citation. They said I was throwing my cigarette butts on the ground around the RV. Even showing the officer that I roll my own cigarettes, and the butts on the ground were clearly Marlboro. We cannot get more work, no one will rent us a bigger place, which we desperately need, and we are basically confined to our house. Walking anywhere elicits evil looks. Admittedly, we do have 3 friends we truly trust. One I have known since I was 16, and the other 2 are Natives (we live right near a reservation). I have yet to figure out how to get out of this messed up situation, but I do know that my whole life I have never been so depressed, oppressed, disrespected, violated, or hated. Even the fact that I am Buddhist has come under scrutiny. People actually call me a devil worshiper! As if Buddhists do anything even remotely close to devil worship! I have needed to vent this for quite a while, and I thank you for listening...

Oh jeeze, tell me about it. I've lived in a Small Town all my life... which is actually only fourteen years. But still! Luckily my town happens to be a bit bigger than where you live. We have one Grocery Store, and a few small businesses down town. (An Amish Furniture store, Two small restaurants, a Chiropractor, and a Crafts store. Then some miscellaneous areas. Lol) Most people in our town go to work in larger cities around us. One thing I can certainly relate to you about is the Gossip. Everyone seems to know everything about every other person at any given time. Then again I live in Minnesota. Us Minnesotans seems to be gossipy ^^'. I find my town rather boring for most of the year. All we have is Western days which is like the fair but only lasts for three days. (I play in the marching band for it, Yay!~) Add that to the fact that I really have no friends. (60-70 kids per grade in School. Not many choices for friends really.) I spend most of my time inside on the computer or practicing my instruments or artistic ability. I guess Small Towns aren't that bad. They allow you to spend more time on bettering yourself I guess. :/ Can't wait to get out of this place though.~