I Hate Smoking, but do it anyhow

I smoke. I am a secret smoker. Never smoke in public. It smells just bad.  I can feel a negative effect of smoking on my body, but it is so difficult to stop when it is attached to emotions.

Every time I need time out, I smoke. If I feel sad, I smoke. If I worry, I smoke. It is not a physical addiction, when I am traveling or enjoying the live, I do not even think about the cigarettes. 

I am fighting the habit for 4 years, and no results. It feels, that soon I will run out of methods to try. The hope is always there, but sometimes it is difficult to keep on, the inner fight is hard to win. 
thewayIam thewayIam
31-35, F
3 Responses Aug 27, 2011

Yes, I know of at least 10 of my Mom's friends that all died from smoking! I remember the day she passed away, I walked outside of a restaurant and noticed, what seemed like every person I saw in the parking lot, smoking cigarettes. It just didn't make any sense.<br />
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I know we inevitebly die, in fact we could die tomorrow from any number of reasons, but when I see a person smoking I can't help feeling as if there's a big chance they may be purposefully cutting their life short suffering a slow painful death!<br />
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Some things in life need gov't intervention. The tobacco companies have made their products so addictive good unfortunate people willingly sacrifice their wonderful lives for another puff! It's too sad!

Thank You!<br />
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My Beautiful Mom smoked several packs a day since she was 12. She was diagnosed with it when she was 59, she lived with it for 10 years until pneumonia got her. She was a caring, loving, wonderful, mom. She was an R.N.

It is very sad! I think that so many people dying of this nasty habit and it is still available for masses to buy.

My Mom passed away last year from COPD, it was sad!

I am sorry to hear it. :(