I Don't Really Hate Stupid People.. They Just Annoy Enough For Me to Say I Hate Them.

My friend Z is another thing. I love her and she's cool, but I wish she could love herself.

When were best friends growing up we followed each others trends. From clothing, to piercings, to self mutilation to finally being both eating disordered. As our friendship progressed, our eating disorders were completely out of control that we would call each other up, talk while binging and talk purging.

She moved to Wisconsin, but our friendship and eating disorders were still there. Though, as time continued I began to love myself, and to appreciate myself. I got over the eating disorder, while Z still had hers.

We grew apart slightly, because of my recovery and she didn't have anyone to talk relate to.

So now when she visits me in California, it's awkward. I'm not the same Belladonna that Z new me as. The old Belladonna was loud and obnoxious that liked to crack jokes that didn't even make sense, and laugh. But now I grew into a lady, an eloquent lady that knows how to articulate well and appreciates a deep, meaningful conversation. It bothers her. She says that I have a 40 year old lady inside of me. I don't think so.

I think she's stupid because she is either scared, or refuses to step out of her own shoes and  look at herself.
She lost her passion in music.
She lost her passion in art.
She's 18 and has 2 kids and hasn't even finished highschool.
She told me that she likes being this way... depressed and obsessed over herself.

Being her best friend.. it makes me so sad.
It makes me angry.

I said to her, "If you feel great, you'll look great."

No, she said it was bullshit.

Anyway, off for the day.
Belladonna Belladonna
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 7, 2007

Sometimes people grow apart stop torturing yourself with an almost friendship and cut the ties... I know it sounds mean but your better off without her.

I am 40 and I love myself. If she has 2 kids at 18, she is looking for someone to love her and no one will if she offers herself to whoever and breeds with them. She has kids to take care of---and apparently she isn't--cut your loss and call CPS on her and that will force her to get help. If her kids are taken away--maybe she will get her head out of the toilet. Cut your losses---you sound like a girl with her stuff together--don't let her drag you down.

I feel for her. Thats a hole that will just keep getting deeper untill all light has dissapeared from above her. She needs outside help. I pray for her kids and i really hope she doesnt end up just another failed statistic. Also, theres only so much you can do for her, dont let anybody bring you down to failure. (not calling her a failure, just stating thats where most statistics in the same deal end up at) If she was a real friend then she wouldnt down you for bettering yourself.