Texas, LolI moved to Texass from NY and holy ***** ******* Christ was that a mistake.
Everyone said, "Hey Texass is great, all kinds of jobs, opportunity and money to be made!" lol, I said screw it, lets give it a go.
After arriving in Austin (the supposed open-minded Mecca of TX) I looked at my car to make sure it was still the car I drove here in and not a Delorian. It was as if I just got out of a time machine.
The list as to why Texass is arguably the most horrible geographical location just short of Soviet Moscow circa 1978 is far too long. Instead, I'll use simple to understand bullet points (even fat headed, thin lipped, squinty eyed Texans can understand).
-Food. Where did all the good food go? Is this the state where every failed idea goes to die? Deep fried butter? Tex Mex (lol)? Jesus. Texas, headbutt a train.
-Motorists. Next time you're at a stoplight look at the dipshit Texan's car next to you. Notice all that brake dust on their front rims? Yeah, that's from mashing on their breaks like the spastic dipshits they are.
-Boat shoes. Seriously? The ocean is 500 miles away, you aren't a boat captain, you don't own a boat and sperry's are never cool. Here's an idea, **** off.
-Fat people. Yes, everything is bigger in Tx.
No one says this except you, dipshit. We have names. Judging from your fat assed body it's really not a surprise you're lazy to the point you start making up words to short cut multiple word comments.
Go play in traffic.
-Bragging. Really? What's to be proud of? A desert? ****** food? Beating up a bunch of ill equipped ranch mexicans at the Alamo? Let me know when you guys have something to brag about that doesn't involve clogging your arteries.
-The road system. Triple threat what the ****. I seriously think that's how TX pads their employment numbers. Just employ all the highschool football pla
Again, I will add to the list. I can't even remember all the pitiful characteristics of the state of Texas it was so bad.
To conclude, if you are considering moving to Tx just goto Walmart on a Wednesday night at 1am. Take a look around at all the broke down dipshits. Imagine a state full of them. Now you don't have to move to Tx to experience it.
Texas, please secede. You're a boat anchor. Without you our nation's IQ would skyrocket, our teen pregnancy would plummet but most of all- we wouldn't have to be embarrassed of you anymore.
EmpireStateOfMind 26-30 8 Responses 31 Jan 23, 2013