No One Cares If I Make Home From Work Safely

I am 43 and lonely. I moved to a new city hoping that would help bu I am lonely than ever. I have no one to check on me to see if I made it home from work ok in the middle of the night. I have no one to cook for, to serve and care for. I have never had kids so I have no to check on, and worry over. I am divorced from a abusive man and happy about that but wish I had not spent my youth on him. Most men my age are looking for much younger women, and the young men I see are looking for the same. I am in a age group that no one is finding me attractive, or desirable. I am tired of coming home alone, and watching other poeples lives unfold through television programs. I am sitting now in a condo so clean, and furnished and the the volume on the television so low it has muted. Everything I have and absolutely no one to share it with, is the most depressing thing I  thought I could ever exeperience in life. I was suppose to experience my children graduating from school at this age and helping my daughter get ready for her prom date. Instead I am on this web site trying to get my feeling out before I think of over dosing. If I were not afraid of death and going to hell, I think I might would do it. But I figure why live through hell and then die and go there too. Hell no!!! that is just too much suffering. That's enough for now. Thank you to who ever started this web site.   Michelle43
yamyam432012 yamyam432012
41-45, F
4 Responses May 9, 2012

All of these websites I go to are months and years behind. I came to this website cause I'm really wanting to commit suicide, because I am so lonely and have been alone not only for the last 15 years since my divorce but even while I was married. Friends have been superficial only, family could care less and when I'm around them they are so sarcastic and condemning to me even though I've done better in my life than them, which of course isn't saying much at all. last thanksgiving I got diagnosed with stage iv cancer, you'd think that would be a death sentence but nope here I am and even lonelier than ever, plus now I can't even dream or plan for the future like I was really working hard towards when I got the diagnosis to get myself out of this extreme loneliness.<br />
I'm finding it very hard to get my mind away from thinking about suicide daily and constantly because what is the point of continuing on every day all i do is work, go home to my house just to start over the next day. I've tried so hard through the years to do all that stupid bogus crap that the stupid people say "be your own best friend" "like yourself" and all those other really stupid and bogus crap that idiots flood out of their mouths cause they think they have to fix your problems when in reality they probably have more problems than you d. It doesn't work just makes you more and more and more and more lonely till all you want to do it kill yourself, which is where Im at. And people are so standoffish they don't want to be your friend, they don't want to do things, I ask and everybody is to busy, cause they have someone else they are committed to. I've tried those dating sites, the men are past pathetic, the fat ones you'd think would really want a commitment there really is nothing inside them and they don't want to do anything but watch tv, older guys are usually alcoholics that turn on you really fast and the conversations go off into areas you don't want to go. Female friends can't do anything at all without there other and then you always end up being the third wheel.<br />
I'm finding I just can't do it anymore, but of course even my religious beliefs get the best of me and even though who really knows what happens after you die, I am more scared of going to hell and since this life has been a total hell. living in hell for an eternity what a f***** up situation even more. Why do some people have it so good, while others have it so bad. Why can't people just be friends and caring for others and no nasty crap come out of their mouths what really is the point, if its to make you feel bigger and better f*** you.

All of these websites I go to are months and years behind. I came to this website cause I'm really wanting to commit suicide, because I am so lonely and have been alone not only for the last 15 years since my divorce but even while I was married. Friends have been superficial only, family could care less and when I'm around them they are so sarcastic and condemning to me even though I've done better in my life than them, which of course isn't saying much at all. last thanksgiving I got diagnosed with stage iv cancer, you'd think that would be a death sentence but nope here I am and even lonelier than ever, plus now I can't even dream or plan for the future like I was really working hard towards when I got the diagnosis to get myself out of this extreme loneliness.<br />
I'm finding it very hard to get my mind away from thinking about suicide daily and constantly because what is the point of continuing on every day all i do is work, go home to my house just to start over the next day. I've tried so hard through the years to do all that stupid bogus crap that the stupid people say "be your own best friend" "like yourself" and all those other really stupid and bogus crap that idiots flood out of their mouths cause they think they have to fix your problems when in reality they probably have more problems than you d. It doesn't work just makes you more and more and more and more lonely till all you want to do it kill yourself, which is where Im at. And people are so standoffish they don't want to be your friend, they don't want to do things, I ask and everybody is to busy, cause they have someone else they are committed to. I've tried those dating sites, the men are past pathetic, the fat ones you'd think would really want a commitment there really is nothing inside them and they don't want to do anything but watch tv, older guys are usually alcoholics that turn on you really fast and the conversations go off into areas you don't want to go. Female friends can't do anything at all without there other and then you always end up being the third wheel.<br />
I'm finding I just can't do it anymore, but of course even my religious beliefs get the best of me and even though who really knows what happens after you die, I am more scared of going to hell and since this life has been a total hell. living in hell for an eternity what a f***** up situation even more. Why do some people have it so good, while others have it so bad. Why can't people just be friends and caring for others and no nasty crap come out of their mouths what really is the point, if its to make you feel bigger and better f*** you.

All of these websites I go to are months and years behind. I came to this website cause I'm really wanting to commit suicide, because I am so lonely and have been alone not only for the last 15 years since my divorce but even while I was married. Friends have been superficial only, family could care less and when I'm around them they are so sarcastic and condemning to me even though I've done better in my life than them, which of course isn't saying much at all. last thanksgiving I got diagnosed with stage iv cancer, you'd think that would be a death sentence but nope here I am and even lonelier than ever, plus now I can't even dream or plan for the future like I was really working hard towards when I got the diagnosis to get myself out of this extreme loneliness.<br />
I'm finding it very hard to get my mind away from thinking about suicide daily and constantly because what is the point of continuing on every day all i do is work, go home to my house just to start over the next day. I've tried so hard through the years to do all that stupid bogus crap that the stupid people say "be your own best friend" "like yourself" and all those other really stupid and bogus crap that idiots flood out of their mouths cause they think they have to fix your problems when in reality they probably have more problems than you d. It doesn't work just makes you more and more and more and more lonely till all you want to do it kill yourself, which is where Im at. And people are so standoffish they don't want to be your friend, they don't want to do things, I ask and everybody is to busy, cause they have someone else they are committed to. I've tried those dating sites, the men are past pathetic, the fat ones you'd think would really want a commitment there really is nothing inside them and they don't want to do anything but watch tv, older guys are usually alcoholics that turn on you really fast and the conversations go off into areas you don't want to go. Female friends can't do anything at all without there other and then you always end up being the third wheel.<br />
I'm finding I just can't do it anymore, but of course even my religious beliefs get the best of me and even though who really knows what happens after you die, I am more scared of going to hell and since this life has been a total hell. living in hell for an eternity what a f***** up situation even more. Why do some people have it so good, while others have it so bad. Why can't people just be friends and caring for others and no nasty crap come out of their mouths what really is the point, if its to make you feel bigger and better f*** you.

Hey Michelle, I completely know how you feel. I have been alone now for about 5 years. My kids are all grown and have lives of their own. To be honest, I really don't like 2 of them very much and the other one is so busy with work and school and her husband. She is great but really has no time for anything. I have a great house in the country but it is not clean and pretty like I used to keep it because I get so damned depressed that I don't care anymore. My phone rarely rings. I am so lonely that I feel like I am loosing my mind. Due to health problems in the past, a relationship is out of the question. My parts don't work right anymore and sex is too painful to endure. I lay awake at night wishing I just had someone to hold me for a little while. To make matters worse, I am running out of money. I probably have enough to make it for about another year but if I don't find work soon I will be screwed. I am 52 and like you I thought that life was going to be different. I also gave the best years of my life to an abusive relationship. I have no idea what the answer is but I sure wanted you to know that you are not alone. My prayers will be with you. If we both hang in there surely there will be something good coming down the road. Take care of yourself. Susan