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I Hate That My Boyfriend Has Slept With So Many Girls

I'm sure a lot of people both girls and guys have gone through this, but I haven't been able to find much on it online so I decided to share it on here and see hwat kind of responses I get. Anyways, my boyfriend and I are 8 years apart, which isn't a problem at all, but obviously he has had a lot more time than me to rack up on the sexual experiences. I've known him for 6 years, we lost touch for a while but about a year and a half ago we began talking again and we've been together a year, which because we've been through so much feels like a lot longer, but not necessarily in a bad way. He was in the military for several years and did not have a great experience and I think this might have contibuted to this, like he needed to find a way to fill himslef or something. He's had sex with 6 girls over the past few years which maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal but it really bothers me. All but one I don't care too much about, as they are far away and I have never had names or faces to put to them, so they're somewhat of ghosts from the distance past that I'd prefer to keep there.

However, one girl in particular of the 6 took it upon herself about a year and a half ago to try and put me through hell about me dating her ex and she was just a complete nasty *****. She's pretty overweight and not attractive at all, which I know doesn't matter what people look like but for some reason that just adds to my anger about her. And I know she didn't love him because she trated him like crap. I was friends with him way before she even came along and she had the nerve to act the way she did towards me when they weren't even together. I have this feeling of sadness I live with all the time because I know that he will never be just mine, that all those other girls have a piece of him and I wonder how much he thinks about the still especially when he's with me. I feel like they've robbed me of having a truely great relationship with him and someday a good marriage, because I do want to marry him in a few years after I am done with school and everything. I;m not sure how to deal with this pain and anger I feel about all of this, I know that I can't change the past or anything, and I know what they say, guys need sex, they can't help themselves, it means nothing, blah blah blah. He's really good to me and he never brings any of his past relationships up or anything and it's not like he cheated since this all happened before my time. But it still really hurts. I've tried talking to him about it, but he gets annoyed and he doesn't understand how I feel, I guess since he's the only one I've ever been with and I don't have that kind of a past like he does. It breaks my heart to think about it.

I just wanted to share my story and to see if anyone else relates to me. Feel free to leave comments and stuff.
pirate54 pirate54 18-21, F 43 Responses Aug 7, 2011

Your Response


I'v gone through more. As in worse. But the thing i wanna know is how can 1 deal with this situation. How can i help me stop thinking too much about ***** while my bf continue avin' fun. How cn i make him knw in directly that all the ***** he's been doing in gettin into our relationship??? Cus i'v tryd talkin n tlkin.

I know the feeling only the person is 7.5 years younger and alot seems an understatement for him he is not my first though but my number times 1000 might be close and that bothers New I am not jealous and I know I keep him pleased and have his heart but I can't seem to get it out of my mind and there are a few that are still trying to get with him and try to talk to him and he just ignored them butt it still bothers me. Out is his past and he can't change it butt he needs to understand and help you deal with well as you figure it out if you can deal with it because if ever I can't I came be with him and that's something that might drive you two apart off you can't.good luck hun is all I can say butt your not alone

I'm 20, only just become sexually active last year, and my boyfriend who is 23 said that he has slept with between 25 and 30 girls. I like to pride myself in being 'sex positive' and not shaming people for enjoying their sexuality, but I still feel insecure, especially as a girl who grew up being indoctrinated into believing sex was to be saved until marriage and being shocked by people being intimate with multiple people. But the thing is, I fear most is that he didn't respect the women he was with, because I practically have to teach him to be respectful towards me.

I'm a gay man, so my experiences might be a tad different than the straight stories I've read above (although it's very similar at the end of the day.) I would say that the gay culture is especially characterized by high amounts of guys hooking up. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 in high school. I had a couple of flings, but I really wanted to meet someone that I could share my soul with.

Meeting my boyfriend was the best thing that ever happened to me. My boyfriend was older that I was. He had so many experiences compared to myself. It made me feel SO inadequate. In fact, I asked him about how many guys he had slept with and he was never able to give me an estimate (because there was some guys he had gone the all the way, and others just foreplay).

Even though it was the past, I still felt hurt. ESPECIALLY when my bf still kept some of hookups as friends on FB. I would see him scrolling his feed and ask who a guy was and he would give the history behind the guy.

He would even message some of them occasionally. This frustrated me soooo much. I asked a lot of my friends and they all said that they would have been pissed if their bf/gf were talking to previous loves.

My bf and I talked about it and worked it out. I told him how awkward it was for me to see him messaging guys from his past. I would see some of his hookups comment on his posts (And I would delete the "friends" because it hurt me).

The best thing is to not rehash old loves/experiences because it can only lead to emotional heartache (although transparency is essential to a relationship).

That still doesn't make me think about just how many men he's been with, but the past is the past.

Move forward and try to pick up the pieces from both your broken past experiences.

my boyfriend is 2 years older than me, which doesn't bother me but he has slept with over 15 people and he is only my 2. I know he has changed, he use to be a bit of a "man hoe" but I just can't shake the thought of how disgusting it is. SOMEBODY HELP!!!!

Please give the guy some peace and break up with him. You are weighing him down for something he cant change. Your own insecurities will end your happiness. What you needed was a virgin.

I think that's unfair you fall in love with the person and then learn things that may change how you think of them because they were some one different then it may not be a jealous or insecurity issue either as with never it's a moral and lack of self respect issue he never had morals or self respect.he was never shown love and thought that's all there's was good or bad sex.

I just want to not have a gut wrenching feeling that keeps me up at night. My boyfriend is the love of my life and we have a relationship that's near perfect. I just can't get over how many people he's slept with before me. He said he'd need more than his fingers and toes to count which was horrifying to hear so i couldnt bear to get an actual number from him. Maybe it's a stupid idea but it feels like i'm betrayed by him being so permiscous before we got together. I can't blame him for the past but i can't help but be hung up on it. I don't question his fidelity to me, but I can't feel comfortable in my relationship because of this. How is sex with me special? How can it stand out when he's had it with 20+ other women? 40? 60? i cant bear to think about it and i think the absolute worst. I just really need counsel and some outside perspective.

I have two responses for you. The first is simple, if you are hung up on it, it really doesn't matter whether it is rational or not, or whether other girls might not care. Hung up is hung up. Break up with him and wait patiently for your Mr. Right to come along. You are crazy to continue in a relationship where a fact about the other person bothers you so much. The second isn't quite so simple. We live in a fallen world. Most people have a "sexual past," and you need to figure out some way to deal with it. But, to be fair, if his number was just one instead of 20+, if that one was some girl you know personally (sister, best friend, etc.), even that one might be "too many." The truth is that most guys are pretty easy to bed, and if your guy is a hottie, he probably had plenty of girls throwing themselves at him (alcohol sometimes contributes to such behavior). Anyway, I presume you aren't a virgin? Is sex special with your boyfriend? Even though you've had sex with other guys, you can still see sex as special with this boyfriend. So, it is possible that your boyfriend sees you as special, despite his history. I'll suggest that some of those girls your boyfriend had sex with weren't special to him at all, just an opportunity for him to get some -- guys have no problem with such opportunities, they don't need to feel connected emotionally to enjoy sex (if you want to test this concept, next time you are at a party start making overt moves on a guy, and reach down and start playing with his wiener through his pants, and I bet he will let you w/o a bit of resistance). The fact he is with you and faithful should answer the important questions that you are having, but still, if you can't get over it, then time to move on.

Hi guys. I'm 22 years old, I'm a guy and I'm going through the same exact thing.The History with my girlfriend and I: We dated briefly in high school before she went off to college. She's a girl who is well kept and doesn't look like she gets around.

In our sophomore year of college, we reconnected for a short period of time where we decided to fool around. We reached second base but nothing more. I decided to ask her what her history was like with other guys (expecting to say she's been with 6 or 7 because I had this impression of her to be this sweet girl) she tells me she had kissed 35 guys. We were both 19 going on 20 at that time. I was a bit disgusted and I couldn't understand how a girl like her could find the time to fool around that much. She told me that she had never slept with anyone before (which was not a lie), but had done what we did that night (second base) with about 7 or 8 guys before.

Ironically, we reconnected again just before she graduated college and was about to move back to my hometown. We're both 22 now and have been dating for 4 months (May-September 2014). I told her right when we started dating that everything she had done from sophomore year until now, I didn't want to know about. Two months into our relationship, she asks me "How old were you when you first had sex?" I immediately told her that she was my first (which she is). I've always felt very highly about sex, I take seriously from a religious standpoint (I still feel strongly about sex before marriage and I didn't want to do it, but temptation - it's hard - we all sin) but also a self worth/self respect stand point. She told me she has had sex with 3 guys, one time each. And since the day she has told me that until now, I have not been able to get it out of my mind. One was a guy she was "dating" when she went to study abroad in England and lost her virginity to him the night before she had to leave to the United States. One was a "an ex or a guy she had history with" and one was with "a friend" she has sex with when she was drunk at college. It sounds like a bunch of one night stands to me, which is the opposite of classy. Some might think sex with 3 guys is not a lot at all and that she is practically a virgin. But couple that with the fact that the number of guys she has casually kissed is probably over 50, her second and third base encounters have increased and then these three guys. I feel like she has had a pretty promiscuous past. The timeline I put together also bothered me because she has sex with these three guys within months of each other. If you include me, it was 4 guys in 11 months. To be honest, some people sleep with 1-3 people their entire life, and she did 4 in less than a year. For her to give pieces of her self up like that without a care in the world bothers the crap out of me. How could she be so careless with her body? Why can't she see how valuable she is, and how much she's worth?It makes me question her decision making and it makes me ask more questions about what type of person she actually is. I feel like she has little to no standards, finds anybody cute and just goes for it when it comes to her hooking up. I feel like she never took it into consideration about her future self worth and what she was going to mean to someone in the future. Up until she met me, she said that she felt indifferent about getting married and having kids. Now, to her, I'm the one. Because she's never had anyone like me.

She just doesn't seem like she would be that type of girl. She's not the hottest girl out of the group, she's not the one that is in the best shape either (being honest but looks aren't everything - she's really cute). But I love her. And to think of breaking up with her to see her on another arm of a different man is unfathomable. But then I think about myself. I've always been happy and never sad. This makes me sad. It makes me slightly depressed and it makes me feel disappointed in her. I don't know what to do.

Hi, I'm the same way. Though a lot older now than when my bf and I first met, I still hold the same values and think the same way about sleeping with people (referring to single girls). If I had to give that part away, it means that I truly love the person. I think we should just take their word for it. It's part of the past anyway. If it still mattered to them, they wouldn't choose to be with us. Trust me, I have to tell myself this many many times, because I hate being insecure especially over something that was already done. Maybe we are all affected by it because we lived our lives in such a way that our past won't haunt us... and now that we chose to be with them, we just have to accept their past and try not to bring it up anymore. My bf is still friends with girls he slept with, so I'm in the same boat as you are. There's nothing I can do about it. That's just the way he is... at least it makes me feel better that he's not being secretive about it... but then again, what you'll never know won't hurt you right? :) haha ... oh btw, he has had several hook ups and one serious relationship before me... he is my first serious relationship.

I am going through something similar. He's my first, he's had hook ups and one serious relationship with me and keeps in touch with all of them. He says it didn't mean anything to him and it was just physical. He's only ever said 'I love you' to me. Called me old fashioned but sex is a big deal to me and I love him but I didn't know about his past when wr first started dating and I spent so long trying to avoid guys who "hook up" with no strings attached. Also, the fact that he is still good friends with some of those girls makes me uneasy. He didn't initially tell me that he slept with his friends and it broke my heart when I found out. I really want to tell him that this may be something that is hard to get over, or I may never get over it. I don't know what to do.

I literally started crying while reading this. It explains exactly how I feel maybe coupled with jealousy and insecurity. It makes my brains blow off. And like I cannot just ever have him to myself alone. And talking about it makes me feel even more insecure but then I love him so much.

My boyfriend and i have only been dating for 5 months, i just recently found out that i was pregnant, im 14 weeks along now, happy and excited for my future with him. i`m 17 && my boyfriend is 22. my boyfriend had had sex and done other things with multiple girls and most of them in my opinion look like birds lol but i just recently found out that he has hooked up with another girl my age around 2 years ago. 17 is a legal in new york, i knew my boyfriend for about 3 years and i always had a crush on him and when i turned 17 he finally asked me out, but when he hooked up with this girl he was 20 and she was 15, i find this very disgusting and gross. now that i know that he has hooked up with younger girls in the past it put thoughts in to my head. idkkk maybe my pregnancy is just making me like thisss!!! comments plzz

Oh well YES good for you for sharing, it really helps I think, thanks 'cause I thought I was the only crazy one for feeling jealous and mad about something in the past that I have no control over now, and actually I feel that I have no control neither past nor future. I was in a looooong relationship before this one and it hurts that it didnt work, and now this one I dont know if it will work or not. It started as a lets take it slow, no strings attached sort of and because he is like 15 years older than me , I didnt want to get too involved. But I certantly did and now I want it to work so bad, but I keep getting this anger attacks towards him for having had sooo many experiences in his life, (that did not work 'cause he is with me now) (and I wasnt old enough to compete for him at that time) and I wish with all my heart that we would have met before all of his other relationships and before like when he was younger and all that, and so he gets sad that I tell him "I wish we could have met when you were younger" and he knows I also mean when he was fitter. And dont get me wrong I do love the fact that we are together now enjoying life together and I am gratefull to God for that, but still I know we will only have a little time, and maybe not even kids , he already has 3, me, none. And even though I Do love him I hate gim gor having loved other women, I really wished we had only met and loved us, just me and him, but as I said that I will have to live and deal for the rest of this relationship, thats what it takes. My other option would be to end it. But then the thought of someone else being with him is like the same feeling of jealousness plus the stupidity feeling for leaving him because he is so worth it. And I think I am lucky that it didnt work with any of the other women in his life, because he is with me and I want to keep it that way, and I want us to be happy....,

And then I get sooo upset, so jealous when he talks about how he used to be so fit, and always work out he had a lot of time to go to the gym and dancing, and so I think, thats because he was young, how is this gonna get any better? I get so mad thinking all the women that enjoyed him when he was so fine and fit and muscular and sexy, he is still so sexy, and I hate it why could I have had him then, I mean I was youngeerrr but at least 5 year before now, at least.
I hate thinking and feeling this way. I hate and envy hate all the other women that got to be with him in his younger better years. I hate it. I wish it had been all for me.
I have to stop thinking and feeling like this I know. Is not good and is not healthy. Just live and enjoy life as it is. Right.

Always easier to say that to do.
I know.
but keep trying...

Hun my bf has slept with over 40 women. he lied to me and i didn't find out til i was pregnant with our son. most he didn't know just met on the internet and met up once for intercourse. ur guy sounds like a virgin next to mine. if i were u id just avoid any topics of his exs. u don't wanna ruin something good cuz belive me there are worse men.

My husband left me to be with another woman. and wanted him back. i was jealous and it made us argue all the time until he vanished away, I was desperate to get him back, I wasted so much time and money on getting my lover back after I have tried almost all possibilities to have him back and nothing worked. I became lonly for 2 years. To make it short, I found a spell caster Mr Robinson buckler by accident. I don’t know how I found him and i cant remember. But, when I first saw the good testimonies about his wonderful work and after reading the Testimonials, I decided I had to try and give it one last shot. After the spells, a miracle happened, my husband came home. it was awesome, anyone who needs help, should email robinsonbuckler@yahoo. com. He is the best.

I know this old, but I hope my response helps someone...

I am older than my girlfriend. I have been with over 20 different women, and she has only been with two men. So, here is the other side of the story. I love my girlfriend deeply we have an amazing relationship. We have many things in common. I deeply enjoy our relationship. She loves me deeply, and I know that because of how passionate she is for me. Our sex life is amazing. The only real struggle is this same issue. She frequently struggles with same fears expressed here. I tell her that my love for her is different than what I've experienced before, and that's true. There is no way to measure it or quantify it... But it's true. I love her and cherish her. I know she struggles to believe me, but I share this hopping all of you will.

If a man is with you it's because he chooses to be. If he loves you, supports you, cares for you, gives to you and sacrifices for you... Then he is yours. Most men I know don't . Most men will not make you their top priority. If you have found a man that makes you his top priority, cherish that. Be grateful for his past. If he has learned how to listen, share and show his emotions; then he made use of that past. He has learned from the mistakes and heartbreaks.

Past relationships do have good memories, and fun experiences. However, they also have frustrations, hurts, and heartbreak. It doesn't matter who broke-up with whom. Break-ups hurt. I assure you that your man is not dwelling on his past girlfriends, because he does not want to remember that pain. The pain eclipses the good. I almost never think about my exs, and when I do the memories bring hurt and anger. I don't wonder or wish for any of my exs. It upsets me to remember the mistakes I made and the injury done to me. Talking about his past will remind him of that pain. Which is likely why he gets frustrated.

He does not compare you to other women. Your fear compares you to other women. You are doing this to yourself. How do you get over this? Look in the mirror. Yes, you will see the things you don't like about yourself. Take a deep breath and exhale those things away. Look again. Look at all the great things about you. Not just the physical attributes, take a look at your strengths. Take a look at your character. Take a look at your passion. Take a look at your love. Your man is lucky to have you. There is no magic pill to get over these fears. "Courage (is) not the absence of fear; but the triumph over it." Have the courage to love yourself. Be passionate about who you are. Look at how he treats you. Look at how you treat him. If he treats you amazingly then good for him, because you deserve amazing. If you treat him remarkably then that shows what an incredible person you are. Your confidence is right here in his face saying look how wonderful I am. That is sexier than anything in his past.  Love him the way you want to be loved, and you can be confident that you are at your best. If you are doing your best, then he will want for nothing. Believe in yourself! It's your own confidence that will conquer these fears.

Wow thanks , if you are really a man, what a man!
Thank you for taking the time to post .
you are so right he tells me the same, that it is me, that I am the one thinking he compares me or that he cant love me because he has love so many time before that there is nothing else left for me, just maybe he doesnt want to be alone and that why we are together and I keep bothering him with this frustration that i have that he doesnt love me the way he loved his exs and I cry allbthe time , i just wish it could have been just us two since the begining of our lives, but I got to meet him, to have him, at the end of our lives or middle, and a bunch of f..ks later. And I just have to learn to get over it.
Really really thank you for your post .

Fantastic comment sir

First, get a grip. You're concerned that your relationship is not going to work out because you've only been with your boyfriend and he's been with 6 other women? I can almost promise you that you will not marry this guy. I'm actually curious to know if you're still together now. I've had my fair share of partners as has my SO. Honestly, I never think about it-and frankly I'm glad that he got experience before coming to me ;). Sex is a lot of times something to do. You can't feel like your partner or SO loves you less because they have slept with someone else in their life. If they didn't love you or want to have sex with you they would with someone else. Also, I'd like to mention for the record that I have never met a happily married couple who lost their virginity to one another. It's like one of those flukes of nature that doesn't happen anymore. We're not living in our grandparents days, people have pasts, and if you can't accept your boyfriend with his past then you really can't be with him because you essentially don't accept him as an individual.

Add a response...

Ok, I can see this was posted on 2011, but I'd really like some advice. I met a guy whom I really love and connect well with, except when he brings up his past relationships I can't help but get jealous. I've only had 2 relationships in the past that have lasted 2 months, while he's had 3 that have lasted over months and a year and a half, what also bothers me is that he has had a gf for every year, which makes me feel like gf #4. He only had sex with the second gf, I've had just one sexual experience when I was little and didn't even know what it was. He says he loves me and I love him, we connect so well, but I wish this didn't bother me so much. Any advice? I know it's in the past but it still makes me feel bad, plus I can relate to how you say his ex wasn't attractive, because to whom he lost it, she was a total ***** to him, and I'm no beauty queen but she isn't exactly attractive. I still wish it didn't bothered me so much

I have the exact same problem and I wish I didn't care so muxh but I do and I hate that.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and he and I have BOTH slept with a lot of people before we met eachother, yet for some reason I still feel kind of angry/jealous/...not sure.. when I think about the other women he slept with. Even though I know while he was with those women I was sleeping with just as many other men. I know I should feel this way and I don't know why I do. I think it may be because of how he met these women. He found them on online dating sites and most of them were from out of state and he would fly to them or they would fly to his house and they would have sex. I feel like that is so weird. And I guess it bothers me that he put in so much effort with other women, but never did any of that for me because I met him locally (not on a dating site).

Honestly the only way i found how to react with this was to leave him completely.. My love and I have been together for 2 years.. and everyday i think of all his other girlfriends.. how they pleased eachother.. how he treated them like princesses.. then here i am.. lost my verginity to him and everything): and yet he treats me like crap.. never secures me or anything so i left.. it would be alot better if i slept with other people too.. sounds terrible but in a way its payback.. the best way to make yourself happy is to leave and live life your way. Life is about experience, or atleast thats what my mom says.

uuughh... my bf is relatively young and has been with over 40 people... y'know when i heard that before we were dating i thought 'haha, that's awesome in a kinda gross way' *bro fist*
but now, his previous promiscuity sometimes makes me uhm, not trust him so much i guess? which i feel really bad about, because he's never really done anything untrustworthy.. i just dont know how to deal with these emotions :I

I totally understand... Although my fiance is not who I lost my virginity to, I have only been with one other guy, so maybe he gets why I am like this, a little. But my fiance has gotten a girl pregnant in the past, and she had an abortion. He was with a girl that has two kids, and on his old Facebook there is posts everywhere where he talks about how they are like his kids, and he would tell people they were his kids. He's had one night stands with a few girls, and I think that what bothers me, is that if these girls come across him, that is what they think of. They think of him naked, and pleasuring them. That crushes me, and I don't know why. I have cried. I absolutely make myself miserable, and I hate it. I totally understand, I'm just glad there are others who can relate. You have my support.

This is exactly what i feel all the time. I was in a 4 year relationship and a year and a half into it i found out my boyfriend had slept with more people than i thought. He hadn't lied to me it just hadn't come up properly. I broke-down. I find it really hard to explain to people why it upsets me so much. Sex is something that is really important and special to me. I try and explain it like a secret, if you tell one person your secret that person and the secret are much more special than if you have told lots of people before. That's how i feel with sex. The most private part of him has been taken by so many before that its no longer as special. Part of him has been taken. This thought caused me to be very upset for 3 years now. It ended my relationship and caused me to have depression. It is now affecting my new relationship and i don't know what to do. I know its in his past and so shouldn't affect me but i cant turn off my thoughts and emotions. I have felt so alone with this problem and just reading other people talk about makes me feel less alone.

I really thought I was wrong, that I was crazy, that I was the only one feeling like this, it made me sick to always be thinking of him having sex with a buvh of orher people, and I really thought it will end the relationship, it made me hate myself being one more of the list in his life. I would think .. what geelings can he have for me, all he cares is sex, with whoever . It made me feel depressed, but I have been avoiding all this thought and feelings, its hard, but i dont want to give up. I really want to get over this. And be happy, I want us to be happy together.

I never thought I would find anything like this posts.
really it has made me feel relived.

Well ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years hes cheated over 30 times tells me he jas a "problem" but with me theres no sexual interaction and when he does it feels boring, maybe its time to walk away everyday i only think of where he is or what hes doing and with who and worse part hes cheated with women that are gross and fat and know hes in a relationship, we have a daughter and its really hard for me but i think when you cant get yourself to stop thinking of the past its time to walk away

I feel your frustration yes it hurts a lot! My BF slept with 53 women before me many of them strippers, and he had ********** often, and some foursomes.. my problem is not that these women are a part of his life anymore, just that i feel he gave so much of himself sexually to them that i have gotten the leftovers.. i mean after having a 4 some being with one woman isn't going to excite you as much right. He even admited to me yesterday that this one woman ( who actually died from her alcoholism at age 28 last year) that sex with her was more intense and helped him perform better!! i try everything to be willing and have offered him anything he wants in that area but what bothers me about guys who've had every flavor in the candy store, is that once a good candy comes along they may be happy to settle down with it but the sex is not so good anymore.. it sucks. And like you he's only the second man i had ever been with which is even more frustrating when and i keep wondering if he enjoyed himeslef more with them..

I'm 24 and I only been with 6 women in my life. kind of sad if were to say that to my friends. I just never felt the need to go out and get a woman just for sex. I have one kid now with a girl who I've been with for 2 and half years now. and we just recently talked how many people we have slept with. She told me she had sex with 10 guys. which kind of surprises me cause she seems like not a wild person and the type that wouldn't be promiscuous. It just makes me sick to my stomach. howd many dudes had my girl. But I know I can't change the past and shes has been faithful to me to the fullest. It just sucks. I don't know what to do. I kind of feel like just messing around with other girls just to get even in a way which makes no sense. I'm lost ughh.

Wow so its kinda like the same , I would think. Now that you mention that you want yo mess arround and get even, we girls probably feel the same, but the reality is that doing that its only gonna mess things up, make them worse, and wreck your current relationship, no matter man or woman, we feel the same. What you are feeling we do too.

I know how you feel. Somewhat. It's not the exact same story, but it's similar enough.
Both my boyfriend and I are 18 and have graduated, I'm in college etc. etc. We haven't been together that long (only about two months) but we started talking and went on our first date 5 months ago. So, it's plenty of time to get to know someone.
I believe strongly in saving sex til marriage, and I saved my first kiss all throughout highschool very intentionally, and now this guy was my first kiss :) which I like. I'm so glad about that. I knew all along that he'd kissed other girls and stuff, which I was okay with. When we started making out more it got more complicated :P because I assumed that it was all new for him too. One night, probably one of the best nights I ever had with him (ice cream, fancy dinner, making out under the stars, etc :) I even asked him if he'd ever made out with other girls before. He just shrugged and said nah, not really. So that was good enough.
A week before I left for college, he texts me and says he wants to tell me everything. Stuff he'd kept hidden. You guessed it. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it now. He explained the hurt from his past, his family issues, and how he lost his virginity to a girl. He said he thought he could get away with it, that it wouldn't come back to affect him, but he was so so wrong. I have never cried so much in my life. When your boyfriend, the person you've been the most strongly sexually attracted to in your life is sobbing with you over the phone, making you promise him you'll never have sex until marriage... well, that's a turning point in someone's life.
There has been so much to work through... so much pain from him lying to me, then the guts it took to tell me the truth, to just figuring out where we go from here... I really understand part of what you're going through. The only thing that concerns me is that with my boyfriend, he affirmed whatever I was feeling every step of the way. It was very much, do whatever you need, you can break up with me, talk to whoever you want, pray about it, do whatever you need. I'm here. I'm so sorry but I'm here now. And yeah. It's been hard, even though I've forgiven him, to not think about it and let it ruin my day. I hate thinking about the intimacy he had with that girl that means nothing to him, and how he meant nothing to her... just someone who's virginity she wanted to take because she could. I still love him and in many ways we're stronger now... but some nights I kind of relapse and let it bother me. Like, tonight is the one year anniversary of when he snuck out to have sex with her. And I'm alone in my room at college, typing this up. I don't even know why I'm doing this. Maybe it's for love... I don't know. But I just wish people realized that sex DOES have consequences. Consequences you do NOT want to have to deal with. And love is stronger than pain. Love is stronger than sex. Love is love and it isn't sex. Love is so strong it doesn't need sex or virginity or anything extra crap like that to survive. So, if you're reading this and you're hurting, just know that-- somewhere, someone loves you, and let that be your strength.
Crying with you,
<3 princssbeks

For the girl that said her boyfriend had sex with all these girls not because he was attracted to them but just because he could, you have a serious problem. Do you think that this guy is a good catch? That would have been my cue to leave his butt. Hate guys that use girls like that.

And one more thing he is the best catch. And I am so glad that I found my true love, my soul mate at an early age. DO NOT think you know what type of guy he is because honey you know nothing about him.

I'm in the same boat right now.. My boyfriend has been with a number of girls in the past no real relationships but he has had sec with five different girls and hooked up and done things with too many to count.. I have only done anything with one other guy before him and he was my first love. I know his past shouldnt bother me but the thought of another girl touching him and him touching another girl looking at another girl makes me sick to my stomach. We are both still in highschool about to graduate and I know I'm going to marry him like there's no doubt in that he's already looking at engagement rings.. But like I can't shake that disturbing feeling that I get.. He has told me a lot about his past and I know how he was with girls like he never loves before he didn't even find them that attractive or really like them or anything he just had sex with them cuz he could. It bothers me so much that so many other girls have seen him and touched him in places that are only mine to touch. He has told me that even though I've only done anything with one other guy before it still bothers him so I'm not alone in this.. I know he's mine now but I feel those other girls still have a piece of him and it makes me mad. Makes me hate all of them and a lot of them go to my school so I feel everytime they see us holding hands they think in their head that they had sex wit him they hooked up wit him they have seen him and it makes me so mad.. I just need to know how to get over this I hate feeling this way bcuz I know he's mine forever.

So your boyfriend said that he had sex with all these girls without really being attracted to them, just because he could?? He sounds like a dream! Wow are you really that blind? He obviously used these girls for his selfish desires and you are worry about them touching your man? You should be more concerned about he saying the same crap about having sex with you to his next girlfriend. He is probably trying to make you feel special, just like he did with the other girls. Wake up!

Yea no. Excuse me but im not stupid, if this man,my love was a bad one I would know trust me. So dont think you know all about him or me just from that little story bcuz you dont know ****. I have talked to him about all of that already and I know what type of man he is. He was trying to follow the crowd that's what all his friends were doing so he felt obligated to do it too. But when he met me his whole attitude changed, he had never been in a relationship before and he knew the first we ever hung out that I was the girl he wanted to be with. So no I am not worried that he is doing the same thing to me that he did to those other girls, I know him you don't so please do not try and judge my amazing man or me. Everyone has made mistakes in the past and if your the type of person to judge a person fully because of their past, then your the one who needs help. I love my man to pieces he's the best thing I could ever ask for, and the fact that he's been with those other girls doesnt even bother me anymore at all really because I know he's mine forever and only mine, I know for a fact he truly loves me, he'll never cheat, he would never do anything to hurt me whatsoever and not many girls can say that about their guy. But I am confident when I say it. He is truly my soul mate so if you try to say something bad about him you best believe that I'm gonna say something right back.

I relate to this almost completely. I have lived a fairly promiscuous life and have enjoyed every minute of it. I learned to leave out emotions from sex because it makes falling in love all the more special. I have only been in a relationship with one guy, was in love with two others, and then had meaningless fun sex with too many to count. My new boyfriend has had plenty of girlfriends. Emphasis on them being girlfriends. I have saved my emotions for people I truly think are special, but he has given his emotions out to I don't even know how many women, and this bothers me. He's pretty much the nicest guy ever but almost everyday something will remind him of one of his exes, and this makes me extremely uncomfortable. Also, I don't find him super attractive, so I'm baffled as to how he's had so many attractive girlfriends. I'm so frustrated by my irrational jealousy and it's driving me to want to act on it by returning to my old habits of sleeping with anyone I feel like. I also have never been able to be the one to hurt someone, which might be adding to my desire to commit rude acts. I'm also pretty sure a lot of girls have dumped him, which negates the argument that he's found me and wants to be with me. He does, but at the same time he probably wanted to be with all the other girls who hurt him. But then I found out he's broken up with at least one of them and I'm incredibly jealous because I've never been able to break up with someone. I really feel like I'm going crazy with irrational thoughts.