I Hate That My Boyfriend Has Slept With So Many Girls

I'm sure a lot of people both girls and guys have gone through this, but I haven't been able to find much on it online so I decided to share it on here and see hwat kind of responses I get. Anyways, my boyfriend and I are 8 years apart, which isn't a problem at all, but obviously he has had a lot more time than me to rack up on the sexual experiences. I've known him for 6 years, we lost touch for a while but about a year and a half ago we began talking again and we've been together a year, which because we've been through so much feels like a lot longer, but not necessarily in a bad way. He was in the military for several years and did not have a great experience and I think this might have contibuted to this, like he needed to find a way to fill himslef or something. He's had sex with 6 girls over the past few years which maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal but it really bothers me. All but one I don't care too much about, as they are far away and I have never had names or faces to put to them, so they're somewhat of ghosts from the distance past that I'd prefer to keep there.

However, one girl in particular of the 6 took it upon herself about a year and a half ago to try and put me through hell about me dating her ex and she was just a complete nasty *****. She's pretty overweight and not attractive at all, which I know doesn't matter what people look like but for some reason that just adds to my anger about her. And I know she didn't love him because she trated him like crap. I was friends with him way before she even came along and she had the nerve to act the way she did towards me when they weren't even together. I have this feeling of sadness I live with all the time because I know that he will never be just mine, that all those other girls have a piece of him and I wonder how much he thinks about the still especially when he's with me. I feel like they've robbed me of having a truely great relationship with him and someday a good marriage, because I do want to marry him in a few years after I am done with school and everything. I;m not sure how to deal with this pain and anger I feel about all of this, I know that I can't change the past or anything, and I know what they say, guys need sex, they can't help themselves, it means nothing, blah blah blah. He's really good to me and he never brings any of his past relationships up or anything and it's not like he cheated since this all happened before my time. But it still really hurts. I've tried talking to him about it, but he gets annoyed and he doesn't understand how I feel, I guess since he's the only one I've ever been with and I don't have that kind of a past like he does. It breaks my heart to think about it.

I just wanted to share my story and to see if anyone else relates to me. Feel free to leave comments and stuff.
pirate54 pirate54
18-21, F
61 Responses Aug 7, 2011

I have the same problem it hurts so much I cry all night becuse of it I never be able to be able to be to be someone fist and they be mine now and it hurt it did not bother be to much before but 6 mouthy ago at a fair one the girl he date and the only one he huck up with after they broke up ran into him and he did not if introduced me to her or anything after I ask who she was and he told me they date and he slept with her and then broke up and then she came back been with other guys and she was better I feel like I could never be as good as any or the other girls and I keep seeing it in my mind it hurts and does not get it

i have a story to share about something similar. I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and like you, we've gone through so much that I feel incredibly close to him. I love him. He's a few months older than me, but he's slept with what seems like countless girls (well over 10) many of whom live in the same uni accommodation as us. I asked him to be blunt at one point, and he was. He listed them all. I'm not sure if this was a good move on my part, but there's nothing I can do to change it. He's told me that if he could change these past experiences, he would, as they clearly bother me. I feel very insecure about this on a near constant basis. It's partially because I do feel like these other girls have a part of him, but also because I know he's able to get with these girls in the first place. He was my first sexual partner. One girl that he had been with for a while who apparently really hurt him by sleeping with other people simultaneously, is still one of his good friends. In his words, like a best friend. He asked me if I wanted to read their messages to prove he didn't have a thing for her and vice versa, but I really don't want to do that. I don't want to invade his privacy or feel so insecure about myself that I would actually do that. I don't know what to do. I love him and he's told me that he wants to marry me. Yet, if these past 5 months have taught me anything, it's that his past really ***** with me (no pun intended). I want to feel secure and to love him completely, but I hurt so much and I'm afraid I'll drive him away with my inability to move past what he can't change.

2 years between me and my boyfriend , he's slept with 13 girls ... I've slept with 2 guys

An old post but I wanted to share my thoughts too as I'm experiencing the same thing. It's the worst feeling ever when you're in love with this person. I've been with my boyfriend just over a year now, I am 19 and he is 20. I lost my virginity to him, he was even my first kiss and my first real relationship.

the longer our relationship went on I found out more and more about his past life, not that we had really discussed this, but he's spoken about similar things with his friends when I'm around before and it broke my heart and made me feel instantly sick. I remember they were speaking about the time him and his friend went to the sexual health clinic just for a random check up, and the nurse had asked him to write down the names of girls he slept with on this sheet of paper or something. And he come out with "like I'm sorry but I'm gonna need more than this sheet because there's not enough room" WHILST I WAS SAT RIGHT THERE. LISTENING. It completely disgusted me.. And he didn't apologise for it even though his friend looked at me and mentioned that I didn't look to happy about what they had been talking about.

It's only recently that it's been playing in my mind so much because last month me and him were out clubbing with our group of friends, and this girl came up to us, he instantly walked away and started speaking to another friend and she was speaking to me and him and her.. And how they were close friends once. She never gave me any clues I don't think.. But when he went back off he came over and thought she had told me, and then explained that they hooked up a few times. And it made me feel DISGUSTING. It angers me so much that all these other girls have seen him that way and touched him like that. I just feel like I have to compete all the time. Like I have to be better than them... It makes me feel sick because I haven't had any experience like that, he'll never understand the jealousy I feel because he got to take my virginity. I wish I could talk to him about it but I feel so silly and embarrassed by it that I just physically cannot. But it really does break my heart almost everyday. It's constantly on my mind and every time I see him speaking to someone online I always wonder if he's had sexual contact with them before... Because I know he is still friends with a few of them. I don't know how to cope with it but I'm not brave enough to speak up and be honest about it to him. :(

I know this is old. But I literally made this account crying so I could respond. I felt so stupid and alone becaus of how I felt about my Boyfriends past.

We have been together for 8 months now. And every time he brings up something new I just die inside. Every thing else always weighs inside my head. And I felt so stupid about letting it get to me.

I tried talking to him and he just shuts down. So I bottled everything up really. But to see this forum it gives me a sense of happy relief.

His past turns me off him so bad. But I love him too much to let him go. Yes I lost my virginity to him. So I just feel like another notch on his dash board to him. He is s friends with the people he had a three some with. And wonders why I dont want to see them when invited. And I just cry when I wa t to explain to him.

I dont know what to do to help me with this. I feel so dead inside. Any advice I'd love... Please.. Anyone.

Ok so, I am on the exact other side of the coin as many of you girls here. I am that boyfriend that are complaining about, and no I'm not here to cause problems. My girlfriend and I are 3.5 years apart, and have been together for a little over 7 months now. We have known each other for 4 years, and had stopped talking for like 2.5 years then rekindled our friendship, then started dating. She is a virgin, and well, I am not.

While we were friends before we were dating, I was blind to how she really felt about me. She had told me to stop having sex and to slow down and for some reason at the time I listened to her, I now know it was because I was falling for her. Though I was just stupid and blind and selfish, so I still hurt her. Now we are together and since she knows some of the girls I have slept with, some days she just cries. She cries because she feels like she will never be good enough, she cries because she can't have all of me, she cries because my past breaks her heart. I hate myself for my past now that I see how much it hurts her. I am in love with her, and I really really want to be with her forever.

For all the girls who are going through this, here is how the guys who really care feel. Personally I love her more than I can even comprehend, I would do anything for her and knowing I hurt her makes me hate what I did. I never think about any of the other girls, ever, because they make me sick knowing how I made my love hurt. I never ever compare her to anyone else. Not because it is wrong, but simply because there is no comparison. All those other girls are nothing in my eyes, nothing compared to her, she always feels sad and insecure that she is not good enough. To me she is the best ever. She is the only girl who I have ever given my heart to, and the only girl I want, she is all I need, she makes me whole. She is always the best no matter what we do, whether it be sexual or not, because she is simply my everything. In my eyes, no one else matters, and she has no need to feel insecure, because she will always be good enough, she will always be the best. For any of the other girls, if the guy really cares about you, he feels the exact same.

I honestly just love her so much and wish every single day that I could take it all back, that I could erase her pain. I did most of what I did before we were friends, I was lost and empty and thought that sex would fill the void in my heart, that love only could. I was naive and selfish, I did not know any better, I was broken. She came in and made me whole again, showed me that love was the right answer. She tore down all my walls and loved me, and now I see the error in my ways, and I wish I could take it all back... but I can't. All I can do now is love her, and treat her like the queen that she is, how she deserves to be treated. Ladies I am so so sorry for how you feel, for how we made you feel... Every day I wish I could take it back, that she could be my first, that I would have been smarter, it kills me. Sometimes I would make myself feel pain just because I felt so ashamed, because no one deserves how you, how she feels. I am so sorry, and if any of you still are with that guy and if he really does love you, then he feels the same. I will never be good enough for the love of my life, but I will always do my best to be the best I can.
We are so sorry.
-The guys

I'm going through a similar issue with my boyfriend. Although, he's not as good describing his feelings as you are. Thank you for this, this is just what i needed to hear from a male perspective :)

Thank you...I am going through a TERRIBLE time with my guy right now. I've know. From the start that he slept around as a teen, but every day it feels worse and worse. He's been with close to 30 girls and it breaks me down to pieces and he doesn't like to talk to me and just gets angry or irritated when I get upset and calls me insecure. I've been in 2 relationships before him both of which cheated on me and as illogical as it sounds I feel so betrayed and hurt knowing his past. We are about to celebrate our first year anniversary and I feel so upset that I still can't shut this out. Every day it feels worse but, as others have said on here, I love him and can't let him go...and I know he doesn't want to let me go either. I just don't know how to get past this. It's destroying me... :'(

I know this is an old post but thank you for sharing your post, I needed to hear a guys perspective as well. You thoughts remind me of my boyfriends, he says the same things to me although it's hard to believe him sometimes. I have struggled with this for years. I've only been with two men and he's slept with over 20 women. It disgust me and makes me sick to my stomach, I can't help but feel sometimes that there has to be something predatory about someone who was out looking for women and use them only to sleep with. I don't know if it will ever get easy, I love him and I know he loves me but this keeps haunting me and I struggle with it every day. I will take any advise anyone can give me I don't know what to do anymore.

Im honestly going through the same situation & it affects the relationship cause it gets in your head 24/7 even if you try your hardest to ignore , trust me I feel the same way & it's hard, you feel anger towards them & you honestly loose feelings but just know your in the present now he loves you and only you, don't let those 6 girls get in your head your better than that,

I can relate completely. I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend is 26. He has had many other partners from one of his best friends girlfriends WHILE they were kinda still dating, to sleeping with my best friend. (all before we got together obviously) I lost my virginity to him, he was my first kiss, first love, everything. It's so hard knowing that I am not his first anything, and that he's had sex with other girls. I grew up in a household were sex was something you did with somebody you loved so it's hard for me to grasp the whole "hooking up" thing. I would really love some advice on how to get over this other than "you have to know people have pasts" because I'm aware. He didn't know me at all when he's had sex with these other girls, so I do not hate him for it at all. It's just hard to realize that I'm probably not as special sexually to him as he is to me. It's even harder seeing him with my best friend when we all hang out and knowing his **** has been inside her. I know I'm insane for caring so much, but it's so hard for me to get over. I'm so glad though that I'm not the only one who this bugs.

You aren't insane, I am in the same boat, and every time I look at my guys Facebook list I wonder which ones he's fu****. I also grew up conservative and it hurts me a lot.

literally I made an account on here to like be apart of this....I know you wrote this so long ago but I feel the same and idk how to get over this ****...Im starting to get counseling on campus to deal with my issues because sometimes it gets so bad I just cant handle the fact that girls have seen my boyfriend in that intimate way

Im the exact same way. I want to know everything he done in his past, but then when he tells me i get upset. I dont show it in front of him because I feel like im crazy. I cant stand the fact that he has been intimate with other girls, and even worse is the fact that most of them are way more attractive than me. I know exactly how you feel!

Thank god for this page, I was feeling really insane and reading and posting here makes me feel normal again, I also ask him for details and yeah I get angry and upset at the answers. I hate this so much. I hate how people sleep around it makes me so sick. He should have been mine and not every belonged to every girl he freaking met...

Has the counseling helped? Im in the same boat and I don't know what to do and have thought about counseling. I've also thought about whether or not I should tell him I'm in counseling for it

This kind of sounds like my life. I've known my boyfriend for 8 years, we lost touch and started talking 8 months ago. Things are great but this bothers me so bad. He has slept with my older sister, I found out, one of her friends, who I know slept with anything with legs, and another one of her friends. Sure it was years ago but it still bothers me horribly. I know their names, their faces, and am still friends with all these girls on Facebook. It kills me to see them pop up on my news feed but had no problem with it prior. Now I see them and think about all the things he's done with them. I know they had way more experience than me because I had only had sex three whole times before him, with the same guy, and it was mostly forced on me. I was 20 years old and that was my only prior relationship.

I figure he would be happier with someone more experienced and feel like I should find someone my own speed. I really like him but this eats me up inside. :(

Last night gotta know my bf had a sex with a girl before our relationship though we were just a friend that time. After we started dating and till now he is faithful to me. But am really upset and planning to get free from it I don't know as I had no relationship before and by God grace am really beautiful and hot too which guys wonder but I have the same insecurity feeling after I heard it from a common friend of us I still didn't confront him the fact I'm really confused please guys u can share your opinion on it.

ohmygod.. THANK GOD I AM NOT ALONE THANK YOU THANK YOU BLESS YOU this is identical to my situation.. No matter how hard I try to not think about it, it finds its way into my head and the girls who were my friends I have started to hate and speak poorly of and oh god please help me!!! The fact that most of my friends, coworkers and people i know have had his penis in their mouth or inside of them makes me hurt so much. Im not even special am I? I know he has had better in bed, i have very little experience. I know he has probably had tighter. Why didn't he think twice? These girls make me so angry. I cannot get over it and I love him dearly and I find myself suffering everyday but I cannot leave him, i love him so much and he is all i have.. And my reason is so invalid. Im so grateful to not feel alone anymore, my friends and family say I am crazy. Thank you all so so much.

I'm crying as I'm reading all of these posts--this is exactly how I feel. My boyfriend doesn't understand this, and it hurts me so badly. I need to talk to other girls who understand. Thank god for this thread.

I've been crying pathetically for hours now because of this. I'm honestly so glad to know that there are others who feel the same way as me.

Here's my story:

My kill count quickly racked up after my second boyfriend. My second bf was my first sexual partner and then there were four hook-ups before I met my third boyfriend. When I broke it off with my second bf, I went a little crazy and felt like I needed guys as distraction so I wouldn't feel any pain. When one guy was done with, I went on to the next one and that's how I ended up with my third bf.

After I got with him, I was happy but I've never really gotten past being insecure because there were about 80 girls before me (he lied and told me 40 at first but I forgave him eventually). There were so many occasions that I've wanted to cut myself because of how insignificant I was feeling. And my deepest cuts were because of him and his past with girls. I only stopped because I promised him I wouldn't do it anymore as long as we're together.

Sometimes I dread going to places with him because I go to school in the same area and we can just easily walk past someone he's done it with and I wouldn't know. Worse, one of the girls told him that, "He seems way out of my league". I know its not true but I still have to battle that thought now. Its hard enough to love myself already, why does someone weak like me have to deal with that? That's why I hate going out to parties and clubs with him. I would love to hang out more with his friends but they've also seen the girls he's slept with. I've gotten quiet and depressed at events with him because I thought that he slept with at least one girl there. I'm not confident most of the time so how am I supposed to compare? When someone he slept with and I are in the same room, how am I supposed to deal with a situation like that?

My problem is that I really love him and I think we could be together for life, but is it worth it when I have these bouts of depressive and harmful thoughts? And when these thoughts are so easily triggered too?

Because he's been with so many girls and lived in that lifestyle, there are habits that are almost automatic for him. He's so used to looking at girls and making eye contact that he does it without realizing. I've been promiscuous in the past too but when I have a boyfriend, I avoid eye contact with guys unless I know them because I'm introverted anyways. For example, at a restaurant, he looked at the waitress a couple times and she was surprised to know that he had a girlfriend when she hit on him. Or when I'm not with him when he goes out, he proudly tells me he rejected girls. It usually takes two people for someone to make a move. So if they approach him, he must've been looking. He expects me to be rude to guys who talk to me, but he gently let girls down. One of them even thought it was okay for us to do a *********. What kind of rejection is that? I bet he was super pleasant to her when if I was in the same situation I'd be defensive. Please don't ask me to trust you anymore when you do things like this and when I don't like to trust others. And don't freak out on me when I do the same thing to make you feel how I feel.

I wish he was the same person but without that lifestyle and past behind him. Its so difficult and hard for me to take, but I'm going to try to stay with him. And if I can't beat these feelings, I'm going to break up with him because I want to care about myself too. I know my number is not low either. If we break up and another boy enters my life, then I will let him go if my number hurts him even the slightest in the beginning, because for me the pain hasn't left. And right now, I don't see any hope that it will.

I very much relate to you on this. My boyfriend has been with around 7-8 girls before me and only one of them was his girlfriend. He lost his virginity to his first long term girlfriend of two years and I see her everyday which doesn't help the situation. I feel like she was the original and I'm at the bottom of the barrel (if that makes sense).

This is why I like the Christian culture that promotes about not having sex until one is married, even though I'm not a Christian or even religious. I see how happily married all my friends are when they only have one partner in their lives. I have friends who met their one true love at church when they were in college, got married, have kids and are still very in love and happy. They don't have to worry about HPV, don't have to feel turned off during those moments of love making to realize that whatever your spouse are doing to you during love making, he had done to other women way before he had met you. I had moments like this when I was wondering somehow some women out there had this kind of intimacy with my husband, and then I lost interest in sex. I tried to block it out but knowing that my husband had slept with other women before me, I can't help thinking about it at times and that is when it ruins the mood for everything. I think it's quite gross and yes, he had told me I was crazy. With or without the health risk of HPV, it's definitely gross no matter how guys think a shower takes care of everything. But I can't seem to shake it off. I wish I was lucky to have met my one true love in college like my friends and family did, who never dated or had sex in high school, got married during college and don't have to think about how so not special love making is since other women had my husband licked all over them and done worse. May be I'm crazy, I never knew I would feel this way. But then I grew up in a traditional Hong Kong Chinese culture where no one in my family or circle dated during high school or had sex until we got married. In fact, no one in my family had any ex-gf or ex-bf, let alone sex partner. I feel I am short changed. My parents warned me about this before, but I thought it wouldn't bother me. Until I got married, then I realized it did bother me a great deal... When I was dating, I insisting on not having sex with my husband even he tried. He did respect my cultural belief (definitely not religious). I just didn't feel the reason or the draw for to want to have sex to someone who didn't love enough to marry me. Sex to me was based on love which was also based on the commitment of a lifelong marriage. So at that time, I was ready to break up with my husband (my bf) if he insisted on wanting to demand sex from me. He didn't demand and he didn't walk away even I didn't let him get physical with me. I was impressed by his patience and dedication. When he proposed. I said yes but I didn't think about sex or much because of my lack of experience in it. Oh well. I hate the rotten American culture that promotes sex before sex like it is so fun. It is extremely hurtful thing to do to your future spouse, it hurts the future spouse's feeling. It degrades relationship, love and marriage. To me, I feel there is nothing really special about love making in my marriage when my husband had done it with others women way before me. I always feel a void there and there is something that is missing. I am not happy, even though my husband has been faithful. I get upset easily and becomes moody whenever I'm not getting the attention I need from him even though he has legitimate reason and it's then when I think of all those old girlfriends he used to have sex with before meeting me and I get angry. Yes, I guess you can say I will always feel insecure whenever my husband doesn't give me the time to take me to dinner or movie or a vacation. I know my husband has been faithful and he hasn't even been remotely been interested in any woman since he met me. I know I am the only woman he married among the 9 or 10 he dated. But there are moments I feel insecure about him, particularly during my PMS or at times when he is legitimately busy. I think if I can wind back time, I would have listened to my parents and broke it off with my American bf back then (husband now). I was so young and naive. My mom had already told me sometimes it's better to be single the rest of my life than to be with a man who already slept with someone else, and who doesn't have the same respect and value towards love, marriage and sex. I think I will make the same choice as my mom suggested if I have to relive my life again. I hate the feeling of being short changed for the rest of my life. If I get a divorce, it won't make it right for me now either. It's like a bucket of water that's thrown out. I never knew it would bother me. But then I never had sex before I got married to my husband so I never quite got the level of intimacy during sex until I finally married my husband. Once I experienced, I start to think of my husband's past love. I need therapy to shake this off, I know. I'm now married for 15 years and I am not feeling any less bothered by the fact that somewhere out there some filthy slutty women and I are sharing the same HPV and the same level of physical intimacy with my husband. I hate it!!! I want to throw up now just thinking about it. My mom is right, it's better to married a widower who had been married to the same one woman because at least the ex is dead, unlike now when I know so well that in the memory of at least 9 women, there is my husband at his most vulnerable and naked moments. Yuck!!!!!!!! This is why I support the Christian and Disney values!!!

I know exactly how you feel.. I try to talk to my closest family members about it but they don't understand me. I even talk to my bf at times and he gets all grouchy and end up saying he wishes he saved it for me. When I first got with him he wast a Virgin. And I didn't think it'll bug me till later on I started feeling very insecure about it. He's had sex with 4 girls and two of them he's done it various times. But he told me those girls werent his girlfriends , they were just girls he's done it with and im the only one he loved. It bugs me so much. I don't know the girls but I picture perfect girls and it tears me apart.. And he never understands the way I feel.

I feel the exact same way, almost the same story,.except that in my case, I haven't told him how I feel about his past, and I don't know if he would understand, I wish we were both the same age so that . Could have more experience but I guess it is what it is, hope that you feel better about it soon, now you know you are not the only one going through this.

Hi am XXXX i don wanna mention my name here same prob for me also me and my boyfrnd loving together more den 6 and half years but he told about his past love and he s playboy lik oly loving gals and getting money from dem oly lik tat he shared i too accept no one s perfet in tis world so he also lik tat nu but my marriage s fixed tis year november 2days before he s telling tat i had hide u few thibg before am going marry u i wanted u wanna know about my past lik tat after tat he s told i had sex wit 9+ gals but aftet i start loving u i never thought lik tat ur my wife i hav to done everything wit u oly nu tis personal y i wanna share means u gonna marry me so i feel too iching abt thos matter wanted to share nu he s told me everything but now i cant accept him i too deeply love him but tis matter make me so so much affected i cant stay in my home wit full of peace i cant even talk to him properly i hate him totally but i cant live qitout him i donno what i hav to dobplease help me please

I'v gone through more. As in worse. But the thing i wanna know is how can 1 deal with this situation. How can i help me stop thinking too much about ***** while my bf continue avin' fun. How cn i make him knw in directly that all the ***** he's been doing in gettin into our relationship??? Cus i'v tryd talkin n tlkin.

I know the feeling only the person is 7.5 years younger and alot seems an understatement for him he is not my first though but my number times 1000 might be close and that bothers New I am not jealous and I know I keep him pleased and have his heart but I can't seem to get it out of my mind and there are a few that are still trying to get with him and try to talk to him and he just ignored them butt it still bothers me. Out is his past and he can't change it butt he needs to understand and help you deal with it.as well as you figure it out if you can deal with it because if ever I can't I came be with him and that's something that might drive you two apart off you can't.good luck hun is all I can say butt your not alone

I'm 20, only just become sexually active last year, and my boyfriend who is 23 said that he has slept with between 25 and 30 girls. I like to pride myself in being 'sex positive' and not shaming people for enjoying their sexuality, but I still feel insecure, especially as a girl who grew up being indoctrinated into believing sex was to be saved until marriage and being shocked by people being intimate with multiple people. But the thing is, I fear most is that he didn't respect the women he was with, because I practically have to teach him to be respectful towards me.

I'm a gay man, so my experiences might be a tad different than the straight stories I've read above (although it's very similar at the end of the day.) I would say that the gay culture is especially characterized by high amounts of guys hooking up. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 in high school. I had a couple of flings, but I really wanted to meet someone that I could share my soul with.

Meeting my boyfriend was the best thing that ever happened to me. My boyfriend was older that I was. He had so many experiences compared to myself. It made me feel SO inadequate. In fact, I asked him about how many guys he had slept with and he was never able to give me an estimate (because there was some guys he had gone the all the way, and others just foreplay).

Even though it was the past, I still felt hurt. ESPECIALLY when my bf still kept some of hookups as friends on FB. I would see him scrolling his feed and ask who a guy was and he would give the history behind the guy.

He would even message some of them occasionally. This frustrated me soooo much. I asked a lot of my friends and they all said that they would have been pissed if their bf/gf were talking to previous loves.

My bf and I talked about it and worked it out. I told him how awkward it was for me to see him messaging guys from his past. I would see some of his hookups comment on his posts (And I would delete the "friends" because it hurt me).

The best thing is to not rehash old loves/experiences because it can only lead to emotional heartache (although transparency is essential to a relationship).

That still doesn't make me think about just how many men he's been with, but the past is the past.

Move forward and try to pick up the pieces from both your broken past experiences.

my boyfriend is 2 years older than me, which doesn't bother me but he has slept with over 15 people and he is only my 2. I know he has changed, he use to be a bit of a "man hoe" but I just can't shake the thought of how disgusting it is. SOMEBODY HELP!!!!

I wish I could help but I feel the same way. My man is my 3rd intimate relationship and I'm around his 30th. I feel really ... Whatever the opposite of special is... :(

Please give the guy some peace and break up with him. You are weighing him down for something he cant change. Your own insecurities will end your happiness. What you needed was a virgin.

I think that's unfair you fall in love with the person and then learn things that may change how you think of them because they were some one different then it may not be a jealous or insecurity issue either as with never it's a moral and lack of self respect issue he never had morals or self respect.he was never shown love and thought that's all there's was good or bad sex.

I just want to not have a gut wrenching feeling that keeps me up at night. My boyfriend is the love of my life and we have a relationship that's near perfect. I just can't get over how many people he's slept with before me. He said he'd need more than his fingers and toes to count which was horrifying to hear so i couldnt bear to get an actual number from him. Maybe it's a stupid idea but it feels like i'm betrayed by him being so permiscous before we got together. I can't blame him for the past but i can't help but be hung up on it. I don't question his fidelity to me, but I can't feel comfortable in my relationship because of this. How is sex with me special? How can it stand out when he's had it with 20+ other women? 40? 60? i cant bear to think about it and i think the absolute worst. I just really need counsel and some outside perspective.

I have two responses for you. The first is simple, if you are hung up on it, it really doesn't matter whether it is rational or not, or whether other girls might not care. Hung up is hung up. Break up with him and wait patiently for your Mr. Right to come along. You are crazy to continue in a relationship where a fact about the other person bothers you so much. The second isn't quite so simple. We live in a fallen world. Most people have a "sexual past," and you need to figure out some way to deal with it. But, to be fair, if his number was just one instead of 20+, if that one was some girl you know personally (sister, best friend, etc.), even that one might be "too many." The truth is that most guys are pretty easy to bed, and if your guy is a hottie, he probably had plenty of girls throwing themselves at him (alcohol sometimes contributes to such behavior). Anyway, I presume you aren't a virgin? Is sex special with your boyfriend? Even though you've had sex with other guys, you can still see sex as special with this boyfriend. So, it is possible that your boyfriend sees you as special, despite his history. I'll suggest that some of those girls your boyfriend had sex with weren't special to him at all, just an opportunity for him to get some -- guys have no problem with such opportunities, they don't need to feel connected emotionally to enjoy sex (if you want to test this concept, next time you are at a party start making overt moves on a guy, and reach down and start playing with his wiener through his pants, and I bet he will let you w/o a bit of resistance). The fact he is with you and faithful should answer the important questions that you are having, but still, if you can't get over it, then time to move on.

I love this.. This made me realize a lot , thank you. I've felt so insecure about myself. He did tell me he's only loved me and would take it all back. When I bring it up he tell me i make him feel dirty.

Hi guys. I'm 22 years old, I'm a guy and I'm going through the same exact thing.The History with my girlfriend and I: We dated briefly in high school before she went off to college. She's a girl who is well kept and doesn't look like she gets around.

In our sophomore year of college, we reconnected for a short period of time where we decided to fool around. We reached second base but nothing more. I decided to ask her what her history was like with other guys (expecting to say she's been with 6 or 7 because I had this impression of her to be this sweet girl) she tells me she had kissed 35 guys. We were both 19 going on 20 at that time. I was a bit disgusted and I couldn't understand how a girl like her could find the time to fool around that much. She told me that she had never slept with anyone before (which was not a lie), but had done what we did that night (second base) with about 7 or 8 guys before.

Ironically, we reconnected again just before she graduated college and was about to move back to my hometown. We're both 22 now and have been dating for 4 months (May-September 2014). I told her right when we started dating that everything she had done from sophomore year until now, I didn't want to know about. Two months into our relationship, she asks me "How old were you when you first had sex?" I immediately told her that she was my first (which she is). I've always felt very highly about sex, I take seriously from a religious standpoint (I still feel strongly about sex before marriage and I didn't want to do it, but temptation - it's hard - we all sin) but also a self worth/self respect stand point. She told me she has had sex with 3 guys, one time each. And since the day she has told me that until now, I have not been able to get it out of my mind. One was a guy she was "dating" when she went to study abroad in England and lost her virginity to him the night before she had to leave to the United States. One was a "an ex or a guy she had history with" and one was with "a friend" she has sex with when she was drunk at college. It sounds like a bunch of one night stands to me, which is the opposite of classy. Some might think sex with 3 guys is not a lot at all and that she is practically a virgin. But couple that with the fact that the number of guys she has casually kissed is probably over 50, her second and third base encounters have increased and then these three guys. I feel like she has had a pretty promiscuous past. The timeline I put together also bothered me because she has sex with these three guys within months of each other. If you include me, it was 4 guys in 11 months. To be honest, some people sleep with 1-3 people their entire life, and she did 4 in less than a year. For her to give pieces of her self up like that without a care in the world bothers the crap out of me. How could she be so careless with her body? Why can't she see how valuable she is, and how much she's worth?It makes me question her decision making and it makes me ask more questions about what type of person she actually is. I feel like she has little to no standards, finds anybody cute and just goes for it when it comes to her hooking up. I feel like she never took it into consideration about her future self worth and what she was going to mean to someone in the future. Up until she met me, she said that she felt indifferent about getting married and having kids. Now, to her, I'm the one. Because she's never had anyone like me.

She just doesn't seem like she would be that type of girl. She's not the hottest girl out of the group, she's not the one that is in the best shape either (being honest but looks aren't everything - she's really cute). But I love her. And to think of breaking up with her to see her on another arm of a different man is unfathomable. But then I think about myself. I've always been happy and never sad. This makes me sad. It makes me slightly depressed and it makes me feel disappointed in her. I don't know what to do.

Hi, I'm the same way. Though a lot older now than when my bf and I first met, I still hold the same values and think the same way about sleeping with people (referring to single girls). If I had to give that part away, it means that I truly love the person. I think we should just take their word for it. It's part of the past anyway. If it still mattered to them, they wouldn't choose to be with us. Trust me, I have to tell myself this many many times, because I hate being insecure especially over something that was already done. Maybe we are all affected by it because we lived our lives in such a way that our past won't haunt us... and now that we chose to be with them, we just have to accept their past and try not to bring it up anymore. My bf is still friends with girls he slept with, so I'm in the same boat as you are. There's nothing I can do about it. That's just the way he is... at least it makes me feel better that he's not being secretive about it... but then again, what you'll never know won't hurt you right? :) haha ... oh btw, he has had several hook ups and one serious relationship before me... he is my first serious relationship.

I am going through something similar. He's my first, he's had hook ups and one serious relationship with me and keeps in touch with all of them. He says it didn't mean anything to him and it was just physical. He's only ever said 'I love you' to me. Called me old fashioned but sex is a big deal to me and I love him but I didn't know about his past when wr first started dating and I spent so long trying to avoid guys who "hook up" with no strings attached. Also, the fact that he is still good friends with some of those girls makes me uneasy. He didn't initially tell me that he slept with his friends and it broke my heart when I found out. I really want to tell him that this may be something that is hard to get over, or I may never get over it. I don't know what to do.

I literally started crying while reading this. It explains exactly how I feel maybe coupled with jealousy and insecurity. It makes my brains blow off. And like I cannot just ever have him to myself alone. And talking about it makes me feel even more insecure but then I love him so much.

My boyfriend and i have only been dating for 5 months, i just recently found out that i was pregnant, im 14 weeks along now, happy and excited for my future with him. i`m 17 && my boyfriend is 22. my boyfriend had had sex and done other things with multiple girls and most of them in my opinion look like birds lol but i just recently found out that he has hooked up with another girl my age around 2 years ago. 17 is a legal in new york, i knew my boyfriend for about 3 years and i always had a crush on him and when i turned 17 he finally asked me out, but when he hooked up with this girl he was 20 and she was 15, i find this very disgusting and gross. now that i know that he has hooked up with younger girls in the past it put thoughts in to my head. idkkk maybe my pregnancy is just making me like thisss!!! comments plzz

Oh well YES good for you for sharing, it really helps I think, thanks 'cause I thought I was the only crazy one for feeling jealous and mad about something in the past that I have no control over now, and actually I feel that I have no control neither past nor future. I was in a looooong relationship before this one and it hurts that it didnt work, and now this one I dont know if it will work or not. It started as a lets take it slow, no strings attached sort of and because he is like 15 years older than me , I didnt want to get too involved. But I certantly did and now I want it to work so bad, but I keep getting this anger attacks towards him for having had sooo many experiences in his life, (that did not work 'cause he is with me now) (and I wasnt old enough to compete for him at that time) and I wish with all my heart that we would have met before all of his other relationships and before like when he was younger and all that, and so he gets sad that I tell him "I wish we could have met when you were younger" and he knows I also mean when he was fitter. And dont get me wrong I do love the fact that we are together now enjoying life together and I am gratefull to God for that, but still I know we will only have a little time, and maybe not even kids , he already has 3, me, none. And even though I Do love him I hate gim gor having loved other women, I really wished we had only met and loved us, just me and him, but as I said that I will have to live and deal for the rest of this relationship, thats what it takes. My other option would be to end it. But then the thought of someone else being with him is like the same feeling of jealousness plus the stupidity feeling for leaving him because he is so worth it. And I think I am lucky that it didnt work with any of the other women in his life, because he is with me and I want to keep it that way, and I want us to be happy....,

And then I get sooo upset, so jealous when he talks about how he used to be so fit, and always work out he had a lot of time to go to the gym and dancing, and so I think, thats because he was young, how is this gonna get any better? I get so mad thinking all the women that enjoyed him when he was so fine and fit and muscular and sexy, he is still so sexy, and I hate it why could I have had him then, I mean I was youngeerrr but at least 5 year before now, at least.
I hate thinking and feeling this way. I hate and envy hate all the other women that got to be with him in his younger better years. I hate it. I wish it had been all for me.
I have to stop thinking and feeling like this I know. Is not good and is not healthy. Just live and enjoy life as it is. Right.

Always easier to say that to do.
I know.
but keep trying...

Hun my bf has slept with over 40 women. he lied to me and i didn't find out til i was pregnant with our son. most he didn't know just met on the internet and met up once for intercourse. ur guy sounds like a virgin next to mine. if i were u id just avoid any topics of his exs. u don't wanna ruin something good cuz belive me there are worse men.

My husband left me to be with another woman. and wanted him back. i was jealous and it made us argue all the time until he vanished away, I was desperate to get him back, I wasted so much time and money on getting my lover back after I have tried almost all possibilities to have him back and nothing worked. I became lonly for 2 years. To make it short, I found a spell caster Mr Robinson buckler by accident. I don’t know how I found him and i cant remember. But, when I first saw the good testimonies about his wonderful work and after reading the Testimonials, I decided I had to try and give it one last shot. After the spells, a miracle happened, my husband came home. it was awesome, anyone who needs help, should email robinsonbuckler@yahoo. com. He is the best.

I know this old, but I hope my response helps someone...

I am older than my girlfriend. I have been with over 20 different women, and she has only been with two men. So, here is the other side of the story. I love my girlfriend deeply we have an amazing relationship. We have many things in common. I deeply enjoy our relationship. She loves me deeply, and I know that because of how passionate she is for me. Our sex life is amazing. The only real struggle is this same issue. She frequently struggles with same fears expressed here. I tell her that my love for her is different than what I've experienced before, and that's true. There is no way to measure it or quantify it... But it's true. I love her and cherish her. I know she struggles to believe me, but I share this hopping all of you will.

If a man is with you it's because he chooses to be. If he loves you, supports you, cares for you, gives to you and sacrifices for you... Then he is yours. Most men I know don't . Most men will not make you their top priority. If you have found a man that makes you his top priority, cherish that. Be grateful for his past. If he has learned how to listen, share and show his emotions; then he made use of that past. He has learned from the mistakes and heartbreaks.

Past relationships do have good memories, and fun experiences. However, they also have frustrations, hurts, and heartbreak. It doesn't matter who broke-up with whom. Break-ups hurt. I assure you that your man is not dwelling on his past girlfriends, because he does not want to remember that pain. The pain eclipses the good. I almost never think about my exs, and when I do the memories bring hurt and anger. I don't wonder or wish for any of my exs. It upsets me to remember the mistakes I made and the injury done to me. Talking about his past will remind him of that pain. Which is likely why he gets frustrated.

He does not compare you to other women. Your fear compares you to other women. You are doing this to yourself. How do you get over this? Look in the mirror. Yes, you will see the things you don't like about yourself. Take a deep breath and exhale those things away. Look again. Look at all the great things about you. Not just the physical attributes, take a look at your strengths. Take a look at your character. Take a look at your passion. Take a look at your love. Your man is lucky to have you. There is no magic pill to get over these fears. "Courage (is) not the absence of fear; but the triumph over it." Have the courage to love yourself. Be passionate about who you are. Look at how he treats you. Look at how you treat him. If he treats you amazingly then good for him, because you deserve amazing. If you treat him remarkably then that shows what an incredible person you are. Your confidence is right here in his face saying look how wonderful I am. That is sexier than anything in his past.  Love him the way you want to be loved, and you can be confident that you are at your best. If you are doing your best, then he will want for nothing. Believe in yourself! It's your own confidence that will conquer these fears.

Wow thanks , if you are really a man, what a man!
Thank you for taking the time to post .
you are so right he tells me the same, that it is me, that I am the one thinking he compares me or that he cant love me because he has love so many time before that there is nothing else left for me, just maybe he doesnt want to be alone and that why we are together and I keep bothering him with this frustration that i have that he doesnt love me the way he loved his exs and I cry allbthe time , i just wish it could have been just us two since the begining of our lives, but I got to meet him, to have him, at the end of our lives or middle, and a bunch of f..ks later. And I just have to learn to get over it.
Really really thank you for your post .

i now this an old post. But seriously it helped tremendously, wow! I am a girl, i am 23 and my boyfriend is 26. same story. when you were saying all this seriously i started crying. i can relate so much to this. my boyfriend has told me that i am the best thing that had ever happened to him. he constantly tells me i am beautiful that i am his world. And it is true i am only doing this to myself. his past is really strong and at some point in our relationship i thought it was way to much for me and i wanted to leave him. But he is the best thing ever had happen to me and i was not going to give up on us. so here i am. and his past , i let it chase me. and it makes me wonder if he really loves me like he says he does. i wonder if i am really special for him. or if i am good enough. i wonder if his past relationships were better than this one.

Its time to leave all this behind, he cant change any of it. what its done its done. what we have now is precious and i don't want to ruin it.

A world thanks for sharing this and making me reflect on my situation.
You are truly a man and there a few left.
God bless you!

So i know your post is old... But its kinda helped... Thank you for posting the other side. Im sure you dont want to know my story but i need to get it off my chest. Im 24 and my husband is 31. He used to do drugs and lost his virginity when he was 12!! He lied to me when we got together said he only slept with 6 or 7 women.. Last week we were chatting about ex's etc.. Well he meant the 6 or 7 were the only ones who kinda meant something to him, and he really has no idea how many people hes slept with. Could be up in the 100's for all i know, couldn't even give me an estimate. Its such a turn off. What else has he lied about. He said hes been to a brothel but didnt sleep with anyone... He probably did. Hes stag night his friend paid for a lap dance he apparently didnt get... Im pretty sure he did. I think the worst part is he was always saying oh im not that kind of guy i dont just **** anyone... But thats exactly the kind of thing he used to do... I already had trust issues because of things that happened (he didnt cheat but lied about some stuff) and now i feel back to square one... Not only that but i am completely turned off by finding out all this i can barely touch him. I find him attractive and love him, but i am avoiding sex with him and i cant see it happening in the near future. It hurts so bad as well. I know people might say if you cant let it go then leave him, but he is the love of my life and i want to grow old with him. Im sure we will be okay but i just cant seem to shake this feeling at the moment. I just needed to share a bit of my story, cant speak to anyone about it, especially him as he got pissed off when i got upset with him last week. Ive only had sex with 4 men, all of them were relationships, no one night stands, can tell you all their names and everything about them. I save sex for love, ive not been short of people wanting to have sex with me... But i really dont want that for myself and tbh if i had known about his many and often sex life, one night stands and possible prostitues i wouldnt have looked twice at him, i feel like ive been ripped off, got this amazing deal, amazing man who was nearly all mine then when i got him home and unwrapped him all the pieces weren't there but the shop closed down so i cant take him back... (Meeting him marrying him and being completely head over heals in love with him) FML!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for this post. I need this.

I know this was so long ago but it really means the world to me to read something like this. It is perfect rn for me to hear

2 More Responses

First, get a grip. You're concerned that your relationship is not going to work out because you've only been with your boyfriend and he's been with 6 other women? I can almost promise you that you will not marry this guy. I'm actually curious to know if you're still together now. I've had my fair share of partners as has my SO. Honestly, I never think about it-and frankly I'm glad that he got experience before coming to me ;). Sex is a lot of times something to do. You can't feel like your partner or SO loves you less because they have slept with someone else in their life. If they didn't love you or want to have sex with you they would with someone else. Also, I'd like to mention for the record that I have never met a happily married couple who lost their virginity to one another. It's like one of those flukes of nature that doesn't happen anymore. We're not living in our grandparents days, people have pasts, and if you can't accept your boyfriend with his past then you really can't be with him because you essentially don't accept him as an individual.

Add a response...

Ok, I can see this was posted on 2011, but I'd really like some advice. I met a guy whom I really love and connect well with, except when he brings up his past relationships I can't help but get jealous. I've only had 2 relationships in the past that have lasted 2 months, while he's had 3 that have lasted over months and a year and a half, what also bothers me is that he has had a gf for every year, which makes me feel like gf #4. He only had sex with the second gf, I've had just one sexual experience when I was little and didn't even know what it was. He says he loves me and I love him, we connect so well, but I wish this didn't bother me so much. Any advice? I know it's in the past but it still makes me feel bad, plus I can relate to how you say his ex wasn't attractive, because to whom he lost it, she was a total ***** to him, and I'm no beauty queen but she isn't exactly attractive. I still wish it didn't bothered me so much

I have the exact same problem and I wish I didn't care so muxh but I do and I hate that.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and he and I have BOTH slept with a lot of people before we met eachother, yet for some reason I still feel kind of angry/jealous/...not sure.. when I think about the other women he slept with. Even though I know while he was with those women I was sleeping with just as many other men. I know I should feel this way and I don't know why I do. I think it may be because of how he met these women. He found them on online dating sites and most of them were from out of state and he would fly to them or they would fly to his house and they would have sex. I feel like that is so weird. And I guess it bothers me that he put in so much effort with other women, but never did any of that for me because I met him locally (not on a dating site).

Honestly the only way i found how to react with this was to leave him completely.. My love and I have been together for 2 years.. and everyday i think of all his other girlfriends.. how they pleased eachother.. how he treated them like princesses.. then here i am.. lost my verginity to him and everything): and yet he treats me like crap.. never secures me or anything so i left.. it would be alot better if i slept with other people too.. sounds terrible but in a way its payback.. the best way to make yourself happy is to leave and live life your way. Life is about experience, or atleast thats what my mom says.

uuughh... my bf is relatively young and has been with over 40 people... y'know when i heard that before we were dating i thought 'haha, that's awesome in a kinda gross way' *bro fist*
but now, his previous promiscuity sometimes makes me uhm, not trust him so much i guess? which i feel really bad about, because he's never really done anything untrustworthy.. i just dont know how to deal with these emotions :I

I totally understand... Although my fiance is not who I lost my virginity to, I have only been with one other guy, so maybe he gets why I am like this, a little. But my fiance has gotten a girl pregnant in the past, and she had an abortion. He was with a girl that has two kids, and on his old Facebook there is posts everywhere where he talks about how they are like his kids, and he would tell people they were his kids. He's had one night stands with a few girls, and I think that what bothers me, is that if these girls come across him, that is what they think of. They think of him naked, and pleasuring them. That crushes me, and I don't know why. I have cried. I absolutely make myself miserable, and I hate it. I totally understand, I'm just glad there are others who can relate. You have my support.

This is exactly what i feel all the time. I was in a 4 year relationship and a year and a half into it i found out my boyfriend had slept with more people than i thought. He hadn't lied to me it just hadn't come up properly. I broke-down. I find it really hard to explain to people why it upsets me so much. Sex is something that is really important and special to me. I try and explain it like a secret, if you tell one person your secret that person and the secret are much more special than if you have told lots of people before. That's how i feel with sex. The most private part of him has been taken by so many before that its no longer as special. Part of him has been taken. This thought caused me to be very upset for 3 years now. It ended my relationship and caused me to have depression. It is now affecting my new relationship and i don't know what to do. I know its in his past and so shouldn't affect me but i cant turn off my thoughts and emotions. I have felt so alone with this problem and just reading other people talk about makes me feel less alone.

I really thought I was wrong, that I was crazy, that I was the only one feeling like this, it made me sick to always be thinking of him having sex with a buvh of orher people, and I really thought it will end the relationship, it made me hate myself being one more of the list in his life. I would think .. what geelings can he have for me, all he cares is sex, with whoever . It made me feel depressed, but I have been avoiding all this thought and feelings, its hard, but i dont want to give up. I really want to get over this. And be happy, I want us to be happy together.

I never thought I would find anything like this posts.
really it has made me feel relived.

Well ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years hes cheated over 30 times tells me he jas a "problem" but with me theres no sexual interaction and when he does it feels boring, maybe its time to walk away everyday i only think of where he is or what hes doing and with who and worse part hes cheated with women that are gross and fat and know hes in a relationship, we have a daughter and its really hard for me but i think when you cant get yourself to stop thinking of the past its time to walk away

I feel your frustration yes it hurts a lot! My BF slept with 53 women before me many of them strippers, and he had ********** often, and some foursomes.. my problem is not that these women are a part of his life anymore, just that i feel he gave so much of himself sexually to them that i have gotten the leftovers.. i mean after having a 4 some being with one woman isn't going to excite you as much right. He even admited to me yesterday that this one woman ( who actually died from her alcoholism at age 28 last year) that sex with her was more intense and helped him perform better!! i try everything to be willing and have offered him anything he wants in that area but what bothers me about guys who've had every flavor in the candy store, is that once a good candy comes along they may be happy to settle down with it but the sex is not so good anymore.. it sucks. And like you he's only the second man i had ever been with which is even more frustrating when and i keep wondering if he enjoyed himeslef more with them..

I'm 24 and I only been with 6 women in my life. kind of sad if were to say that to my friends. I just never felt the need to go out and get a woman just for sex. I have one kid now with a girl who I've been with for 2 and half years now. and we just recently talked how many people we have slept with. She told me she had sex with 10 guys. which kind of surprises me cause she seems like not a wild person and the type that wouldn't be promiscuous. It just makes me sick to my stomach. howd many dudes had my girl. But I know I can't change the past and shes has been faithful to me to the fullest. It just sucks. I don't know what to do. I kind of feel like just messing around with other girls just to get even in a way which makes no sense. I'm lost ughh.

Wow so its kinda like the same , I would think. Now that you mention that you want yo mess arround and get even, we girls probably feel the same, but the reality is that doing that its only gonna mess things up, make them worse, and wreck your current relationship, no matter man or woman, we feel the same. What you are feeling we do too.

I'm a girl and I've had that same "fu** around to make it even" feeling as well. But that would just make me feel worse about myself and the relationship. :-/

I know how you feel. Somewhat. It's not the exact same story, but it's similar enough.
Both my boyfriend and I are 18 and have graduated, I'm in college etc. etc. We haven't been together that long (only about two months) but we started talking and went on our first date 5 months ago. So, it's plenty of time to get to know someone.
I believe strongly in saving sex til marriage, and I saved my first kiss all throughout highschool very intentionally, and now this guy was my first kiss :) which I like. I'm so glad about that. I knew all along that he'd kissed other girls and stuff, which I was okay with. When we started making out more it got more complicated :P because I assumed that it was all new for him too. One night, probably one of the best nights I ever had with him (ice cream, fancy dinner, making out under the stars, etc :) I even asked him if he'd ever made out with other girls before. He just shrugged and said nah, not really. So that was good enough.
A week before I left for college, he texts me and says he wants to tell me everything. Stuff he'd kept hidden. You guessed it. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it now. He explained the hurt from his past, his family issues, and how he lost his virginity to a girl. He said he thought he could get away with it, that it wouldn't come back to affect him, but he was so so wrong. I have never cried so much in my life. When your boyfriend, the person you've been the most strongly sexually attracted to in your life is sobbing with you over the phone, making you promise him you'll never have sex until marriage... well, that's a turning point in someone's life.
There has been so much to work through... so much pain from him lying to me, then the guts it took to tell me the truth, to just figuring out where we go from here... I really understand part of what you're going through. The only thing that concerns me is that with my boyfriend, he affirmed whatever I was feeling every step of the way. It was very much, do whatever you need, you can break up with me, talk to whoever you want, pray about it, do whatever you need. I'm here. I'm so sorry but I'm here now. And yeah. It's been hard, even though I've forgiven him, to not think about it and let it ruin my day. I hate thinking about the intimacy he had with that girl that means nothing to him, and how he meant nothing to her... just someone who's virginity she wanted to take because she could. I still love him and in many ways we're stronger now... but some nights I kind of relapse and let it bother me. Like, tonight is the one year anniversary of when he snuck out to have sex with her. And I'm alone in my room at college, typing this up. I don't even know why I'm doing this. Maybe it's for love... I don't know. But I just wish people realized that sex DOES have consequences. Consequences you do NOT want to have to deal with. And love is stronger than pain. Love is stronger than sex. Love is love and it isn't sex. Love is so strong it doesn't need sex or virginity or anything extra crap like that to survive. So, if you're reading this and you're hurting, just know that-- somewhere, someone loves you, and let that be your strength.
Crying with you,
<3 princssbeks

For the girl that said her boyfriend had sex with all these girls not because he was attracted to them but just because he could, you have a serious problem. Do you think that this guy is a good catch? That would have been my cue to leave his butt. Hate guys that use girls like that.

And one more thing he is the best catch. And I am so glad that I found my true love, my soul mate at an early age. DO NOT think you know what type of guy he is because honey you know nothing about him.

I'm in the same boat right now.. My boyfriend has been with a number of girls in the past no real relationships but he has had sec with five different girls and hooked up and done things with too many to count.. I have only done anything with one other guy before him and he was my first love. I know his past shouldnt bother me but the thought of another girl touching him and him touching another girl looking at another girl makes me sick to my stomach. We are both still in highschool about to graduate and I know I'm going to marry him like there's no doubt in that he's already looking at engagement rings.. But like I can't shake that disturbing feeling that I get.. He has told me a lot about his past and I know how he was with girls like he never loves before he didn't even find them that attractive or really like them or anything he just had sex with them cuz he could. It bothers me so much that so many other girls have seen him and touched him in places that are only mine to touch. He has told me that even though I've only done anything with one other guy before it still bothers him so I'm not alone in this.. I know he's mine now but I feel those other girls still have a piece of him and it makes me mad. Makes me hate all of them and a lot of them go to my school so I feel everytime they see us holding hands they think in their head that they had sex wit him they hooked up wit him they have seen him and it makes me so mad.. I just need to know how to get over this I hate feeling this way bcuz I know he's mine forever.

So your boyfriend said that he had sex with all these girls without really being attracted to them, just because he could?? He sounds like a dream! Wow are you really that blind? He obviously used these girls for his selfish desires and you are worry about them touching your man? You should be more concerned about he saying the same crap about having sex with you to his next girlfriend. He is probably trying to make you feel special, just like he did with the other girls. Wake up!

Yea no. Excuse me but im not stupid, if this man,my love was a bad one I would know trust me. So dont think you know all about him or me just from that little story bcuz you dont know ****. I have talked to him about all of that already and I know what type of man he is. He was trying to follow the crowd that's what all his friends were doing so he felt obligated to do it too. But when he met me his whole attitude changed, he had never been in a relationship before and he knew the first we ever hung out that I was the girl he wanted to be with. So no I am not worried that he is doing the same thing to me that he did to those other girls, I know him you don't so please do not try and judge my amazing man or me. Everyone has made mistakes in the past and if your the type of person to judge a person fully because of their past, then your the one who needs help. I love my man to pieces he's the best thing I could ever ask for, and the fact that he's been with those other girls doesnt even bother me anymore at all really because I know he's mine forever and only mine, I know for a fact he truly loves me, he'll never cheat, he would never do anything to hurt me whatsoever and not many girls can say that about their guy. But I am confident when I say it. He is truly my soul mate so if you try to say something bad about him you best believe that I'm gonna say something right back.

I relate to this almost completely. I have lived a fairly promiscuous life and have enjoyed every minute of it. I learned to leave out emotions from sex because it makes falling in love all the more special. I have only been in a relationship with one guy, was in love with two others, and then had meaningless fun sex with too many to count. My new boyfriend has had plenty of girlfriends. Emphasis on them being girlfriends. I have saved my emotions for people I truly think are special, but he has given his emotions out to I don't even know how many women, and this bothers me. He's pretty much the nicest guy ever but almost everyday something will remind him of one of his exes, and this makes me extremely uncomfortable. Also, I don't find him super attractive, so I'm baffled as to how he's had so many attractive girlfriends. I'm so frustrated by my irrational jealousy and it's driving me to want to act on it by returning to my old habits of sleeping with anyone I feel like. I also have never been able to be the one to hurt someone, which might be adding to my desire to commit rude acts. I'm also pretty sure a lot of girls have dumped him, which negates the argument that he's found me and wants to be with me. He does, but at the same time he probably wanted to be with all the other girls who hurt him. But then I found out he's broken up with at least one of them and I'm incredibly jealous because I've never been able to break up with someone. I really feel like I'm going crazy with irrational thoughts.

Please help me I'm sooo confused but my boyfriend is 9 years older then me and has been with alot of women in his past it never bothered me until now..when we recently took a vacation to his hometown & well his sister brought out old photos of him... thats when i seen a photo of him with a girl rather familiar as i pieced it all together its the same girl he has on his facebook. He has a really good childhood friend who went out of his way to call my boyfriend tell him he found this girl ( my boyfriends ex) and comments how nice she looks. I didn't think anything of it im not the jealous type. That is until i seen that photo and seen he excepted her friend request. When other of his ex girlfriends sent him friend request abd hes never excepted them. Well shortly after excepting her friend request she sends a private message nothing out of line. Now back to when we were on vacation and his sister showed me old photos she told me they were together that he forced his sister to put her in her wedding...when i questioned my boyfriend about it he denied everything that is until recently when i asked about it and says yea she was my girlfriend and the truth comes out im so upset about it that im thinking of leaving him i find that he lied is disrespectful and second to have an ex as a friend on Facebook is just rude and denying it all this time i asked him if he sleeped her ge denied that i kno hes lying i can feel it its a gut feeling the same feeling i had when he first excepted her friend her friend request ....i also found out a girl he had has a friend on myspace well he also had he thing with her as well and lied to about it as well...i think to my self if he lies about that what else has he lied about or going to lie about ....and well im so confused i see him and he makes so angry ive never lied to him ive been nothing but honest to him he was my first for everuthing and we have a one year old son together i want to leave but hurts to think about because i love him so much he treats me so good please help me im so confused :(

First of all I think that the rude responses on here need to be kept to yourself. If you don't have anything beneficial or helpful to say then go read a different post and find somebody you CAN help!

Secondly, I know EXACTLY how you feel my dear. I'm currently dating an unbelievable guy and he has been with (actually less partners than me) but the TYPE of girl he usually dates is horrifying. Many of the girls he's dated have had or do have kids, and many of them dress in a way that is less attractive or respectful.

I argued with him once about a girl that he maintains contact with and realized that I'd made him feel incredibly lousy and that I hadn't gained anything from it. At the end of the day, he's with YOU because he found better. He found gold when he was surrounded by dirt. =) You should worry about his past because even if you've had fewer partners than he has, you've had JUST as much fun and I'm sure he can't stand the thought of you having been with anyone else ether but how would you feel if he punished you for it?

Good luck and best of happiness to both of you =)

What are you, ******* stupid? I have a 24 year old friend who has been with over 65 girls. He keeps a list. Girls go crazy for him because of his Alpha-type personality.

Get the **** over it.

65, thats disgusting!!! Some stupid, sad and desperate girls and guys out there!!!

GET TESTED..... that's all i can say!

Honestly, I really think you're being a whiner. Try to think of it from his view, he can't change what he has done, who he has been with. He loves you, is with you, treats you well, and doesn't cheat so I don't see the problem here other than your bad attitude about it. My fiancé and I are getting married in a week and he's been with way more people than me and it doesn't bother me one bit. He was a pro BMX rider so girls were all over. Take it as a compliment, out of all the girls that were never good enough for him you're the one that stood out! He picked you :) smile about it and look at the positives. If you dwell on this I promise you that it will hurt your relationship, and maybe even end it.

Thank you, I really appreciate your post and your honesty :)
Thanks for the reality check.

Im in the same situation as alot of people have been commenting, but the girl my bf slept with before me is a family friend of his and his families! I know we are always going to bump into her and before i found out about this he suggested we met up for a drink with her! as soon as i found out i refused to go and see her!!! He told me it was a drunken night etc and it makes me wonder about all his other friends that are girls, would he cheat on me with them because of a drunken night. it makes me feel sick every time his family bring her up but they obviously dont know about their history. It makes me so sad to think he still talks to her and will always see her as will his family...

Drunken night? What a lame excuse, expect him to use the same line in the future.

You have pretty much just described my situation. when my boyfriend and i first slept together i went into the whole thing with no expectations, didnt want to end up hurt if he never called. however when things became official it was great and we plan to spend our future together. him and his friends never brought up any ex-girlfriends or flings until one day an old school friend of mine was coming over to hang out with a group of us. right before she comes over he blurts out that 'ive had sex with her'. that broke my heart and there was a part of me that just wanted to end things. feeling like that made me feel petty and destroyed any part of me that was ever friends with this girl. she was a **** in high school and still is and knowing that shes slept with my boyfriend is something i agonize almost everyday about. i feel pathetic and crazy about it since i know that IM the one whose ended up with him and everything. when he found out how upset i was about it he apologized and was sincere that he didnt mean to hurt me, which made me feel like a total ***** but he was honest and i should respect that, especially if she were to tell me -which she didnt. id say ignorance is bliss. we dont talk about it. but on the rare occasion it comes up i overthink and torture myself about it for weeks...months. i strongly avoid any conversation about sexual histories and numbers and ex girlfriends and flings..but its hard, it hurts a hell of a lot and the competitive part of me wants to get back at him. but in the end i know that i can never change it, i couldnt hurt him nor blame him for something that he did before me. its hurts when the girl friends around me have sexual histories as do their boyfriends and im jealous. from being with him and his friends i know they partied hard, especially after graduating school and the behavior of his friends often makes me worry. i dont know his number and i will never ask but the thought of it just makes me more insecure of myself and i hate that its something that i cannot change like body weight or bad skin. i never thought it would eventuate into a relationship, and so i thought he would be the first of more to come. i would never trade our relationship or him for anything including the single party girl life but the knowledge that he has a (long) sexual history and has slept with a girl i once knew quite well is something i will never be able to accept.

Why do you have to insult the girl that slept with your boyfriend? I hate when girls blame each other for things that also men were involved. Your boyfriends sounds like a **** to me.

My first love was older than me, and he had recently broken up with a long-term gf and they remained close friends. Though they had never had sex, they had known a deep love that I had never known, and I was crazy with jealousy. I wanted our love to be as special to him as it was to me, and the idea that she had taken the place of his first love made me feel so cheated and upset. I let that jealous feeling affect our relationship, and the relationship eventually ended. I lost my virginity to my next bf, who had been with many girls before. This also left me feeling cheated and hurt. I felt jealous when I would find out about another girl, like my trust was betrayed. Surprisingly, the thing that helped me to move past this feeling was being together with him and another girl. I realized through that experience that sex is natural and though it feels really special, people are having sex every day, all around the world. It really isn't that special. Though a ********* is obviously not the right course of action for every person, I encourage anyone struggling with jealousy to think about the lesson that I learned from it, which is that sex and love are not unique. It is intimate, lovely, and wonderful, yes, but you are fooling yourself if you think that your love is somehow different than the billions of other loves that have been. Remember that all love is beautiful, not just the love you two share. Those loves and experiences shaped the person you are with, just as all of your experiences shaped who you are. You are BOTH beautiful as you are. Don't let jealousy stand in the way of your happiness. I let it consume me with negative feelings for so long, and not until I let go of my jealousy could I feel okay in that relationship and with myself. Ultimately, if you can't let it go, maybe you should move on and have more sexual relationships of your own. You'll realize that you can still love people after having loved before.

Wonder if your boyfriend will feel the same if you brought another guy to bed along with him. I dont understand why women can stand so low in order to please their boyfriends. A *********, no thanks. I
Dont want to see another girl f***** my boyfriend i have too much respect for myself.

My boyfriend has had sex with too many girls to count and he was my first for everything. I love him to death and he treats me perfectly, we've been together for over a year and he makes me so happy, but every time I think about all those girls.... It breaks my heart. If I talk to him he just said it doesn't matter because I'm his first love and I'm his whole world. It helps to know he really loves me, but it still hurts. and I know it hurts him when i talk about it, I know he regrets it. I just don't know what to do./:

my boyfriend said he has been with 30 something girls and hes only 22 . It hurts to think about it but I know for sure I am the first one hes made love to . But just the thought of all these girls kissing him and doing that, hurts me.

i think i m going through a same phase. my situation doesnt allow me to have an open relationship with my boyfriend due to family problems. hes a great guy and takes care of me. since no one knows abt our relationship i cant really discuss it with anyone. But yeah it does bother me that my boyfriend was a party-every night type of guy who went to casinos or vegas many times and hung out with girls alot. he's never told me exactly how many girls he's slept with but i know a few of them. and it bothers me a lot that i dont know what he was upto before we got together. i know he had his life before me but i think its important for me know how many girls my boyfriend has slept with. it makes me feel sick and gives me sick feeling that my boyfriend had somebody in his arms before me and kissed and loved them. this thought is just overwhelming and killing me. and i also think alot about if guyz think abt their exes alot. i wanna know if he compares me with them in normal life and in sexual life. i m sure he thinks abt times he was with his exes and think abt sexual experiences with them. this is a really sad part and i feel better after getting this off my chest since theres is no one who i can talk to. i havent really discussed this matter so deeply with my boyfriend.

I'm in the same boat, the feeling sucks. Ive been in a relationship with my bf for 2 years. Its difficult for me to always have this thought on the back of my head. My bf partied his high school years away and slept with plenty of girls before he meet me. I, on the other hand was the complete opposite. He's the only guy I ever slept with, I was naive. Stupid, pretty much. I know now he's a great guy but still I still can't get the imagine out if my head. In the past, I used to be so insecure and he always told me to keep his past out of our relationship because really he didn't even know me. Which makes sense, we didn't exsist to eachother yet. I try to not let it bother me, and I try really hard.

I Feel the same wayyy. Horrible isnt it. Im afraid it might ruin my relationship though so im trying not to dwell on it but its difficult. It angers my boyfriend when i bring it up. He says sshouldnt let the past bother me, exspecially since it was before me. But he just doesnt understand. I was a virgin before him so he doesnt kno how it feels for the one yu love to have given parts of him yur only suppose to share the person yu love the most. He says he loves me the most but im afraid i wont truly believe him until he is downon one knee with a ring. Whats worse is it makes me angry becuz i saved myself for him but his excuse is he was a horney boy. N today he tld he it doesnt bother him cuz he got expirence so now he wont suck for me. All im thinkin is id rather yu suck n get better with me than practice with other females. I wanna be his only but that ship sunk becuz he was a horney boy...

I feel the same way. You nailed it when you said that you feel a sadness that these women have shared a piece of him. I am going through this with my Fiance. .it seems that every other girl I learn about he has slept with and it hurts. It makes me feel insecure in my relationship. . and sometime I wonder if I will turn out to be just another notch on his belt. Everytime I hear about another girl that he slept with, I feel less special in our relationship. The way I find out about who he has slept with it through people accidentally letting it slip. . or if I ask whether or not he has been with a certain girl he will be honest and tell me whether he has or hasn't. I went away to school so he will never have to face the guys I have slept with while in college. . on the other hand he grew up and stayed in my neighborhood. . where we now live. . so I constantly run into the women he has conquered throughout the years. I too feel pain. .and I don't know how to relieve it or get over it. Sometimes I feel as though these women laugh at me thinking "i've had your man". I guess maybe overtime I will get over it. . .but it is very difficult to date someone that has been with a lot of women. . .

I started reading this when I eventually stopped crying but the years are back. I knew my now bf cheated on his ex and I understood and accepted why I just thought he should have manned up and walked away sooner then slowly but surely I started to find out who these women were. There is one thing having a past but it hurts like hell when they're too close to home. This forty something year old was in my office the other day and when she said where she worked I knew my bf knew people there, I mentioned her to him that evening and even added she was a bit mutton dressed as lamb then when I said something else and asked how well he knew her, he said oh we all use to hang out together and at which point I said please tell me you haven't been there and he's like yeah, a long time ago. It cut like a blunt knife. I don't know of I can continue on now with this relationship as he will still bump into her and have to speak regarding work now and then as they are in the sake line of work. It's almost too close to me now. I'm absolutely devastated.