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I Hate That My Boyfriend Has Slept With So Many Girls

I'm sure a lot of people both girls and guys have gone through this, but I haven't been able to find much on it online so I decided to share it on here and see hwat kind of responses I get. Anyways, my boyfriend and I are 8 years apart, which isn't a problem at all, but obviously he has had a lot more time than me to rack up on the sexual experiences. I've known him for 6 years, we lost touch for a while but about a year and a half ago we began talking again and we've been together a year, which because we've been through so much feels like a lot longer, but not necessarily in a bad way. He was in the military for several years and did not have a great experience and I think this might have contibuted to this, like he needed to find a way to fill himslef or something. He's had sex with 6 girls over the past few years which maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal but it really bothers me. All but one I don't care too much about, as they are far away and I have never had names or faces to put to them, so they're somewhat of ghosts from the distance past that I'd prefer to keep there.

However, one girl in particular of the 6 took it upon herself about a year and a half ago to try and put me through hell about me dating her ex and she was just a complete nasty *****. She's pretty overweight and not attractive at all, which I know doesn't matter what people look like but for some reason that just adds to my anger about her. And I know she didn't love him because she trated him like crap. I was friends with him way before she even came along and she had the nerve to act the way she did towards me when they weren't even together. I have this feeling of sadness I live with all the time because I know that he will never be just mine, that all those other girls have a piece of him and I wonder how much he thinks about the still especially when he's with me. I feel like they've robbed me of having a truely great relationship with him and someday a good marriage, because I do want to marry him in a few years after I am done with school and everything. I;m not sure how to deal with this pain and anger I feel about all of this, I know that I can't change the past or anything, and I know what they say, guys need sex, they can't help themselves, it means nothing, blah blah blah. He's really good to me and he never brings any of his past relationships up or anything and it's not like he cheated since this all happened before my time. But it still really hurts. I've tried talking to him about it, but he gets annoyed and he doesn't understand how I feel, I guess since he's the only one I've ever been with and I don't have that kind of a past like he does. It breaks my heart to think about it.

I just wanted to share my story and to see if anyone else relates to me. Feel free to leave comments and stuff.
pirate54 pirate54 18-21, F 25 Responses Aug 7, 2011

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My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and he and I have BOTH slept with a lot of people before we met eachother, yet for some reason I still feel kind of angry/jealous/...not sure.. when I think about the other women he slept with. Even though I know while he was with those women I was sleeping with just as many other men. I know I should feel this way and I don't know why I do. I think it may be because of how he met these women. He found them on online dating sites and most of them were from out of state and he would fly to them or they would fly to his house and they would have sex. I feel like that is so weird. And I guess it bothers me that he put in so much effort with other women, but never did any of that for me because I met him locally (not on a dating site).

Honestly the only way i found how to react with this was to leave him completely.. My love and I have been together for 2 years.. and everyday i think of all his other girlfriends.. how they pleased eachother.. how he treated them like princesses.. then here i am.. lost my verginity to him and everything): and yet he treats me like crap.. never secures me or anything so i left.. it would be alot better if i slept with other people too.. sounds terrible but in a way its payback.. the best way to make yourself happy is to leave and live life your way. Life is about experience, or atleast thats what my mom says.

uuughh... my bf is relatively young and has been with over 40 people... y'know when i heard that before we were dating i thought 'haha, that's awesome in a kinda gross way' *bro fist*
but now, his previous promiscuity sometimes makes me uhm, not trust him so much i guess? which i feel really bad about, because he's never really done anything untrustworthy.. i just dont know how to deal with these emotions :I
halp?

I totally understand... Although my fiance is not who I lost my virginity to, I have only been with one other guy, so maybe he gets why I am like this, a little. But my fiance has gotten a girl pregnant in the past, and she had an abortion. He was with a girl that has two kids, and on his old Facebook there is posts everywhere where he talks about how they are like his kids, and he would tell people they were his kids. He's had one night stands with a few girls, and I think that what bothers me, is that if these girls come across him, that is what they think of. They think of him naked, and pleasuring them. That crushes me, and I don't know why. I have cried. I absolutely make myself miserable, and I hate it. I totally understand, I'm just glad there are others who can relate. You have my support.

This is exactly what i feel all the time. I was in a 4 year relationship and a year and a half into it i found out my boyfriend had slept with more people than i thought. He hadn't lied to me it just hadn't come up properly. I broke-down. I find it really hard to explain to people why it upsets me so much. Sex is something that is really important and special to me. I try and explain it like a secret, if you tell one person your secret that person and the secret are much more special than if you have told lots of people before. That's how i feel with sex. The most private part of him has been taken by so many before that its no longer as special. Part of him has been taken. This thought caused me to be very upset for 3 years now. It ended my relationship and caused me to have depression. It is now affecting my new relationship and i don't know what to do. I know its in his past and so shouldn't affect me but i cant turn off my thoughts and emotions. I have felt so alone with this problem and just reading other people talk about makes me feel less alone.

Well ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years hes cheated over 30 times tells me he jas a "problem" but with me theres no sexual interaction and when he does it feels boring, maybe its time to walk away everyday i only think of where he is or what hes doing and with who and worse part hes cheated with women that are gross and fat and know hes in a relationship, we have a daughter and its really hard for me but i think when you cant get yourself to stop thinking of the past its time to walk away

I feel your frustration yes it hurts a lot! My BF slept with 53 women before me many of them strippers, and he had ********** often, and some foursomes.. my problem is not that these women are a part of his life anymore, just that i feel he gave so much of himself sexually to them that i have gotten the leftovers.. i mean after having a 4 some being with one woman isn't going to excite you as much right. He even admited to me yesterday that this one woman ( who actually died from her alcoholism at age 28 last year) that sex with her was more intense and helped him perform better!! i try everything to be willing and have offered him anything he wants in that area but what bothers me about guys who've had every flavor in the candy store, is that once a good candy comes along they may be happy to settle down with it but the sex is not so good anymore.. it sucks. And like you he's only the second man i had ever been with which is even more frustrating when and i keep wondering if he enjoyed himeslef more with them..

I'm 24 and I only been with 6 women in my life. kind of sad if were to say that to my friends. I just never felt the need to go out and get a woman just for sex. I have one kid now with a girl who I've been with for 2 and half years now. and we just recently talked how many people we have slept with. She told me she had sex with 10 guys. which kind of surprises me cause she seems like not a wild person and the type that wouldn't be promiscuous. It just makes me sick to my stomach. howd many dudes had my girl. But I know I can't change the past and shes has been faithful to me to the fullest. It just sucks. I don't know what to do. I kind of feel like just messing around with other girls just to get even in a way which makes no sense. I'm lost ughh.

I know how you feel. Somewhat. It's not the exact same story, but it's similar enough.
Both my boyfriend and I are 18 and have graduated, I'm in college etc. etc. We haven't been together that long (only about two months) but we started talking and went on our first date 5 months ago. So, it's plenty of time to get to know someone.
I believe strongly in saving sex til marriage, and I saved my first kiss all throughout highschool very intentionally, and now this guy was my first kiss :) which I like. I'm so glad about that. I knew all along that he'd kissed other girls and stuff, which I was okay with. When we started making out more it got more complicated :P because I assumed that it was all new for him too. One night, probably one of the best nights I ever had with him (ice cream, fancy dinner, making out under the stars, etc :) I even asked him if he'd ever made out with other girls before. He just shrugged and said nah, not really. So that was good enough.
A week before I left for college, he texts me and says he wants to tell me everything. Stuff he'd kept hidden. You guessed it. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it now. He explained the hurt from his past, his family issues, and how he lost his virginity to a girl. He said he thought he could get away with it, that it wouldn't come back to affect him, but he was so so wrong. I have never cried so much in my life. When your boyfriend, the person you've been the most strongly sexually attracted to in your life is sobbing with you over the phone, making you promise him you'll never have sex until marriage... well, that's a turning point in someone's life.
There has been so much to work through... so much pain from him lying to me, then the guts it took to tell me the truth, to just figuring out where we go from here... I really understand part of what you're going through. The only thing that concerns me is that with my boyfriend, he affirmed whatever I was feeling every step of the way. It was very much, do whatever you need, you can break up with me, talk to whoever you want, pray about it, do whatever you need. I'm here. I'm so sorry but I'm here now. And yeah. It's been hard, even though I've forgiven him, to not think about it and let it ruin my day. I hate thinking about the intimacy he had with that girl that means nothing to him, and how he meant nothing to her... just someone who's virginity she wanted to take because she could. I still love him and in many ways we're stronger now... but some nights I kind of relapse and let it bother me. Like, tonight is the one year anniversary of when he snuck out to have sex with her. And I'm alone in my room at college, typing this up. I don't even know why I'm doing this. Maybe it's for love... I don't know. But I just wish people realized that sex DOES have consequences. Consequences you do NOT want to have to deal with. And love is stronger than pain. Love is stronger than sex. Love is love and it isn't sex. Love is so strong it doesn't need sex or virginity or anything extra crap like that to survive. So, if you're reading this and you're hurting, just know that-- somewhere, someone loves you, and let that be your strength.
Crying with you,
<3 princssbeks

For the girl that said her boyfriend had sex with all these girls not because he was attracted to them but just because he could, you have a serious problem. Do you think that this guy is a good catch? That would have been my cue to leave his butt. Hate guys that use girls like that.

And one more thing he is the best catch. And I am so glad that I found my true love, my soul mate at an early age. DO NOT think you know what type of guy he is because honey you know nothing about him.

I'm in the same boat right now.. My boyfriend has been with a number of girls in the past no real relationships but he has had sec with five different girls and hooked up and done things with too many to count.. I have only done anything with one other guy before him and he was my first love. I know his past shouldnt bother me but the thought of another girl touching him and him touching another girl looking at another girl makes me sick to my stomach. We are both still in highschool about to graduate and I know I'm going to marry him like there's no doubt in that he's already looking at engagement rings.. But like I can't shake that disturbing feeling that I get.. He has told me a lot about his past and I know how he was with girls like he never loves before he didn't even find them that attractive or really like them or anything he just had sex with them cuz he could. It bothers me so much that so many other girls have seen him and touched him in places that are only mine to touch. He has told me that even though I've only done anything with one other guy before it still bothers him so I'm not alone in this.. I know he's mine now but I feel those other girls still have a piece of him and it makes me mad. Makes me hate all of them and a lot of them go to my school so I feel everytime they see us holding hands they think in their head that they had sex wit him they hooked up wit him they have seen him and it makes me so mad.. I just need to know how to get over this I hate feeling this way bcuz I know he's mine forever.

So your boyfriend said that he had sex with all these girls without really being attracted to them, just because he could?? He sounds like a dream! Wow are you really that blind? He obviously used these girls for his selfish desires and you are worry about them touching your man? You should be more concerned about he saying the same crap about having sex with you to his next girlfriend. He is probably trying to make you feel special, just like he did with the other girls. Wake up!

Yea no. Excuse me but im not stupid, if this man,my love was a bad one I would know trust me. So dont think you know all about him or me just from that little story bcuz you dont know ****. I have talked to him about all of that already and I know what type of man he is. He was trying to follow the crowd that's what all his friends were doing so he felt obligated to do it too. But when he met me his whole attitude changed, he had never been in a relationship before and he knew the first we ever hung out that I was the girl he wanted to be with. So no I am not worried that he is doing the same thing to me that he did to those other girls, I know him you don't so please do not try and judge my amazing man or me. Everyone has made mistakes in the past and if your the type of person to judge a person fully because of their past, then your the one who needs help. I love my man to pieces he's the best thing I could ever ask for, and the fact that he's been with those other girls doesnt even bother me anymore at all really because I know he's mine forever and only mine, I know for a fact he truly loves me, he'll never cheat, he would never do anything to hurt me whatsoever and not many girls can say that about their guy. But I am confident when I say it. He is truly my soul mate so if you try to say something bad about him you best believe that I'm gonna say something right back.

I relate to this almost completely. I have lived a fairly promiscuous life and have enjoyed every minute of it. I learned to leave out emotions from sex because it makes falling in love all the more special. I have only been in a relationship with one guy, was in love with two others, and then had meaningless fun sex with too many to count. My new boyfriend has had plenty of girlfriends. Emphasis on them being girlfriends. I have saved my emotions for people I truly think are special, but he has given his emotions out to I don't even know how many women, and this bothers me. He's pretty much the nicest guy ever but almost everyday something will remind him of one of his exes, and this makes me extremely uncomfortable. Also, I don't find him super attractive, so I'm baffled as to how he's had so many attractive girlfriends. I'm so frustrated by my irrational jealousy and it's driving me to want to act on it by returning to my old habits of sleeping with anyone I feel like. I also have never been able to be the one to hurt someone, which might be adding to my desire to commit rude acts. I'm also pretty sure a lot of girls have dumped him, which negates the argument that he's found me and wants to be with me. He does, but at the same time he probably wanted to be with all the other girls who hurt him. But then I found out he's broken up with at least one of them and I'm incredibly jealous because I've never been able to break up with someone. I really feel like I'm going crazy with irrational thoughts.

Please help me I'm sooo confused but my boyfriend is 9 years older then me and has been with alot of women in his past it never bothered me until now..when we recently took a vacation to his hometown & well his sister brought out old photos of him... thats when i seen a photo of him with a girl rather familiar as i pieced it all together its the same girl he has on his facebook. He has a really good childhood friend who went out of his way to call my boyfriend tell him he found this girl ( my boyfriends ex) and comments how nice she looks. I didn't think anything of it im not the jealous type. That is until i seen that photo and seen he excepted her friend request. When other of his ex girlfriends sent him friend request abd hes never excepted them. Well shortly after excepting her friend request she sends a private message nothing out of line. Now back to when we were on vacation and his sister showed me old photos she told me they were together that he forced his sister to put her in her wedding...when i questioned my boyfriend about it he denied everything that is until recently when i asked about it and says yea she was my girlfriend and the truth comes out im so upset about it that im thinking of leaving him i find that he lied is disrespectful and second to have an ex as a friend on Facebook is just rude and denying it all this time i asked him if he sleeped her ge denied that i kno hes lying i can feel it its a gut feeling the same feeling i had when he first excepted her friend her friend request ....i also found out a girl he had has a friend on myspace well he also had he thing with her as well and lied to about it as well...i think to my self if he lies about that what else has he lied about or going to lie about ....and well im so confused i see him and he makes so angry ive never lied to him ive been nothing but honest to him he was my first for everuthing and we have a one year old son together i want to leave but hurts to think about because i love him so much he treats me so good please help me im so confused :(

First of all I think that the rude responses on here need to be kept to yourself. If you don't have anything beneficial or helpful to say then go read a different post and find somebody you CAN help!

Secondly, I know EXACTLY how you feel my dear. I'm currently dating an unbelievable guy and he has been with (actually less partners than me) but the TYPE of girl he usually dates is horrifying. Many of the girls he's dated have had or do have kids, and many of them dress in a way that is less attractive or respectful.

I argued with him once about a girl that he maintains contact with and realized that I'd made him feel incredibly lousy and that I hadn't gained anything from it. At the end of the day, he's with YOU because he found better. He found gold when he was surrounded by dirt. =) You should worry about his past because even if you've had fewer partners than he has, you've had JUST as much fun and I'm sure he can't stand the thought of you having been with anyone else ether but how would you feel if he punished you for it?

Good luck and best of happiness to both of you =)

What are you, ******* stupid? I have a 24 year old friend who has been with over 65 girls. He keeps a list. Girls go crazy for him because of his Alpha-type personality.

Get the **** over it.

65, thats disgusting!!! Some stupid, sad and desperate girls and guys out there!!!

GET TESTED..... that's all i can say!

Honestly, I really think you're being a whiner. Try to think of it from his view, he can't change what he has done, who he has been with. He loves you, is with you, treats you well, and doesn't cheat so I don't see the problem here other than your bad attitude about it. My fiancé and I are getting married in a week and he's been with way more people than me and it doesn't bother me one bit. He was a pro BMX rider so girls were all over. Take it as a compliment, out of all the girls that were never good enough for him you're the one that stood out! He picked you :) smile about it and look at the positives. If you dwell on this I promise you that it will hurt your relationship, and maybe even end it.

Thank you, I really appreciate your post and your honesty :)
Thanks for the reality check.

Im in the same situation as alot of people have been commenting, but the girl my bf slept with before me is a family friend of his and his families! I know we are always going to bump into her and before i found out about this he suggested we met up for a drink with her! as soon as i found out i refused to go and see her!!! He told me it was a drunken night etc and it makes me wonder about all his other friends that are girls, would he cheat on me with them because of a drunken night. it makes me feel sick every time his family bring her up but they obviously dont know about their history. It makes me so sad to think he still talks to her and will always see her as will his family...

Drunken night? What a lame excuse, expect him to use the same line in the future.

You have pretty much just described my situation. when my boyfriend and i first slept together i went into the whole thing with no expectations, didnt want to end up hurt if he never called. however when things became official it was great and we plan to spend our future together. him and his friends never brought up any ex-girlfriends or flings until one day an old school friend of mine was coming over to hang out with a group of us. right before she comes over he blurts out that 'ive had sex with her'. that broke my heart and there was a part of me that just wanted to end things. feeling like that made me feel petty and destroyed any part of me that was ever friends with this girl. she was a **** in high school and still is and knowing that shes slept with my boyfriend is something i agonize almost everyday about. i feel pathetic and crazy about it since i know that IM the one whose ended up with him and everything. when he found out how upset i was about it he apologized and was sincere that he didnt mean to hurt me, which made me feel like a total ***** but he was honest and i should respect that, especially if she were to tell me -which she didnt. id say ignorance is bliss. we dont talk about it. but on the rare occasion it comes up i overthink and torture myself about it for weeks...months. i strongly avoid any conversation about sexual histories and numbers and ex girlfriends and flings..but its hard, it hurts a hell of a lot and the competitive part of me wants to get back at him. but in the end i know that i can never change it, i couldnt hurt him nor blame him for something that he did before me. its hurts when the girl friends around me have sexual histories as do their boyfriends and im jealous. from being with him and his friends i know they partied hard, especially after graduating school and the behavior of his friends often makes me worry. i dont know his number and i will never ask but the thought of it just makes me more insecure of myself and i hate that its something that i cannot change like body weight or bad skin. i never thought it would eventuate into a relationship, and so i thought he would be the first of more to come. i would never trade our relationship or him for anything including the single party girl life but the knowledge that he has a (long) sexual history and has slept with a girl i once knew quite well is something i will never be able to accept.

Why do you have to insult the girl that slept with your boyfriend? I hate when girls blame each other for things that also men were involved. Your boyfriends sounds like a **** to me.

My first love was older than me, and he had recently broken up with a long-term gf and they remained close friends. Though they had never had sex, they had known a deep love that I had never known, and I was crazy with jealousy. I wanted our love to be as special to him as it was to me, and the idea that she had taken the place of his first love made me feel so cheated and upset. I let that jealous feeling affect our relationship, and the relationship eventually ended. I lost my virginity to my next bf, who had been with many girls before. This also left me feeling cheated and hurt. I felt jealous when I would find out about another girl, like my trust was betrayed. Surprisingly, the thing that helped me to move past this feeling was being together with him and another girl. I realized through that experience that sex is natural and though it feels really special, people are having sex every day, all around the world. It really isn't that special. Though a ********* is obviously not the right course of action for every person, I encourage anyone struggling with jealousy to think about the lesson that I learned from it, which is that sex and love are not unique. It is intimate, lovely, and wonderful, yes, but you are fooling yourself if you think that your love is somehow different than the billions of other loves that have been. Remember that all love is beautiful, not just the love you two share. Those loves and experiences shaped the person you are with, just as all of your experiences shaped who you are. You are BOTH beautiful as you are. Don't let jealousy stand in the way of your happiness. I let it consume me with negative feelings for so long, and not until I let go of my jealousy could I feel okay in that relationship and with myself. Ultimately, if you can't let it go, maybe you should move on and have more sexual relationships of your own. You'll realize that you can still love people after having loved before.

Wonder if your boyfriend will feel the same if you brought another guy to bed along with him. I dont understand why women can stand so low in order to please their boyfriends. A *********, no thanks. I
Dont want to see another girl f***** my boyfriend i have too much respect for myself.

My boyfriend has had sex with too many girls to count and he was my first for everything. I love him to death and he treats me perfectly, we've been together for over a year and he makes me so happy, but every time I think about all those girls.... It breaks my heart. If I talk to him he just said it doesn't matter because I'm his first love and I'm his whole world. It helps to know he really loves me, but it still hurts. and I know it hurts him when i talk about it, I know he regrets it. I just don't know what to do./:

my boyfriend said he has been with 30 something girls and hes only 22 . It hurts to think about it but I know for sure I am the first one hes made love to . But just the thought of all these girls kissing him and doing that, hurts me.

i think i m going through a same phase. my situation doesnt allow me to have an open relationship with my boyfriend due to family problems. hes a great guy and takes care of me. since no one knows abt our relationship i cant really discuss it with anyone. But yeah it does bother me that my boyfriend was a party-every night type of guy who went to casinos or vegas many times and hung out with girls alot. he's never told me exactly how many girls he's slept with but i know a few of them. and it bothers me a lot that i dont know what he was upto before we got together. i know he had his life before me but i think its important for me know how many girls my boyfriend has slept with. it makes me feel sick and gives me sick feeling that my boyfriend had somebody in his arms before me and kissed and loved them. this thought is just overwhelming and killing me. and i also think alot about if guyz think abt their exes alot. i wanna know if he compares me with them in normal life and in sexual life. i m sure he thinks abt times he was with his exes and think abt sexual experiences with them. this is a really sad part and i feel better after getting this off my chest since theres is no one who i can talk to. i havent really discussed this matter so deeply with my boyfriend.

I'm in the same boat, the feeling sucks. Ive been in a relationship with my bf for 2 years. Its difficult for me to always have this thought on the back of my head. My bf partied his high school years away and slept with plenty of girls before he meet me. I, on the other hand was the complete opposite. He's the only guy I ever slept with, I was naive. Stupid, pretty much. I know now he's a great guy but still I still can't get the imagine out if my head. In the past, I used to be so insecure and he always told me to keep his past out of our relationship because really he didn't even know me. Which makes sense, we didn't exsist to eachother yet. I try to not let it bother me, and I try really hard.

I Feel the same wayyy. Horrible isnt it. Im afraid it might ruin my relationship though so im trying not to dwell on it but its difficult. It angers my boyfriend when i bring it up. He says sshouldnt let the past bother me, exspecially since it was before me. But he just doesnt understand. I was a virgin before him so he doesnt kno how it feels for the one yu love to have given parts of him yur only suppose to share the person yu love the most. He says he loves me the most but im afraid i wont truly believe him until he is downon one knee with a ring. Whats worse is it makes me angry becuz i saved myself for him but his excuse is he was a horney boy. N today he tld he it doesnt bother him cuz he got expirence so now he wont suck for me. All im thinkin is id rather yu suck n get better with me than practice with other females. I wanna be his only but that ship sunk becuz he was a horney boy...

I feel the same way. You nailed it when you said that you feel a sadness that these women have shared a piece of him. I am going through this with my Fiance. .it seems that every other girl I learn about he has slept with and it hurts. It makes me feel insecure in my relationship. . and sometime I wonder if I will turn out to be just another notch on his belt. Everytime I hear about another girl that he slept with, I feel less special in our relationship. The way I find out about who he has slept with it through people accidentally letting it slip. . or if I ask whether or not he has been with a certain girl he will be honest and tell me whether he has or hasn't. I went away to school so he will never have to face the guys I have slept with while in college. . on the other hand he grew up and stayed in my neighborhood. . where we now live. . so I constantly run into the women he has conquered throughout the years. I too feel pain. .and I don't know how to relieve it or get over it. Sometimes I feel as though these women laugh at me thinking "i've had your man". I guess maybe overtime I will get over it. . .but it is very difficult to date someone that has been with a lot of women. . .

I started reading this when I eventually stopped crying but the years are back. I knew my now bf cheated on his ex and I understood and accepted why I just thought he should have manned up and walked away sooner then slowly but surely I started to find out who these women were. There is one thing having a past but it hurts like hell when they're too close to home. This forty something year old was in my office the other day and when she said where she worked I knew my bf knew people there, I mentioned her to him that evening and even added she was a bit mutton dressed as lamb then when I said something else and asked how well he knew her, he said oh we all use to hang out together and at which point I said please tell me you haven't been there and he's like yeah, a long time ago. It cut like a blunt knife. I don't know of I can continue on now with this relationship as he will still bump into her and have to speak regarding work now and then as they are in the sake line of work. It's almost too close to me now. I'm absolutely devastated.