Distance Ruins Everything

This is going to be long because im going to pour my heart out into it. Well basically, it all started 1 and a half years ago in August 2011, my birthday I got a blackberry. Someone sent a broadcast on bbm telling everyone to add this one person so I did because i said 'oh he sounds hot' and added him. The next day we got speaking because he said to me 'you're beautiful' then we got to know each other abit more, turns out he was from almost way at the bottom of England and i was from scotland. weeks would go by and every night we'd be up till 3/4am talkingg to each other, we clicked instantly, it got to October and me and him decided to phone each other for the first time, it was abit awkward at first because i was scared that he wouldn't like my accent but it was fine in the end and we ended up in the phone for hours, after the end of that phone call I realised i was starting to develop feelings for him and start to like him, but tbh i felt silly because I'd known him about 2 and a Half months by this point so i never said a thing, just carried on speaking normally; it got to November and honestly i was in shock because that's been 4 months speaking to one boy i met on bbm, end of November came and we were still speaking and it got to but he started getting wierd, next week he came to me and said he had a girlfriend, it went down hill there because he stopped speaking to me, hit me hard not gunna lie i cried but felt so pathetic cause I'd never met him. I guess what was it for us, he was gone.. So i carried on my normal life untill valentines day 2012, got a text from him 'I miss you' so he added me back on bbm and we got closer again. My feelings came back straight away, because tbh they had never really left, but leaned how to cope with them. It got to march and I thought now was the time to tell him about my feelings, i hinted and he hinted he liked me too but it took 3 days for him to be able to come right out and say it, bless him. So now we were back to normal and just got closer and closer and closer untill the feelings grew. I was in so much shock because then it would have been almost a year that i started speaking to him. He still wasn't the best at telling his feelings this point so i never knew if he ment everything he was saying, we carried on as normal for months. By this point we had skyped and phone called so many times to count, i was spending about 100 a month on credit to buy minutes for calls with him, idk he just made me so happy, then it came to summer holidays and his friend ; call him 'R' started speaking to me, i never thought it was anything bad, but then R started causing arguments with me and; call the boy 'K' and i was getting upset, then i noticed 'K' was getting close with a girl from down there, call her 'G' anyway, K was getting weirder and weirder with me as i was getting closer with R, then i asked him what's wrong but he said nothing so i asked R, he told me K was seeing another girl, now of course that got me pissed off and upset because all this 'i love you' for the past months obviously ment nothing, that night my sister seen me upset so got involved being K about what was wrong and he said 'tell your sister that i have moved on and like someone else here, it's never going to work, also say we shouldn't ever speak again to save her feelings, tell her i said thanks for everything' now when my sister told me this i broke down, it was 10pm at night on the 21at of July i remember, i cried from 10 till 2am, calmed down abit then but remembered everything that happened and broke down again, till 7am i was sobbing onto my sisters knee, she stated awake all night with me then eventually fell asleep at 7.30, woke up at 9, didn't feel tired, felt no pain, just numb sadness, went down stairs to see my mum and she knew what happened so she went to big me and i just burst into tears again, i lost the one thing that ment the most to me, that day my bestfriend came over and spent the whole day in bed with me, i just cuddled her and cried, she was so angry that he caused this, but the next day he text me a long paragraph apologising saying he didn't realise what he was doing and he never realised what he had untill it was gone begging me to say not hate him ect, so i accepted his apology and we went back to normal, but it got to August and it was away to be a year since we started speaking, it was the day before my birthday and i was at my bestfriends, lying in her bed i seen on Facebook 'K is in a relationship with T' (T his new girlfriend) and i just burst into tears, i was only just better from what happened in July now this, he made me feel like i was the only one, never bothered to tell me about T, that's why it hurt me so much, he could have at least told me, i got even more upset thinking this was going to be repeated of last time when he had a girlfriend but i wrote to him a paragraph explaining how i felt and he said he understood. By this point i his friend R was back trying to cause **** again saying he was going to make K chose me or T and threatening to tell T that K still had feelings for me, i nearly lost K again that night but we both fought this time for each other because i didn't wanna loose him again. Time passed and they had been together 2 months now but i had started to get close to his bestfriend , call him L. Well L told me on Skype one night everything K had said about me, he poured his heart out and turns out i ment so much more i him than i thought. i asked K myself and he admired it all, it helped but made by worse at the same time because it just made me even more sad that i couldn't be with him due to distance. I cry alot about how far he is away from me, it hurts and it just feels like a numb empty feeling:( then K and T ended another 2 months later and he poured his heart out again and said all the truths and told me how he feels ect. We went back to normal again for a month because he was single and he could but then he got back with his ex T the other week, it hurt me so much more than the first time did, idk why:( but again i cried to my little sister and lay with her hugging me untill i was ok. 4 days later they ended again basically to put it short because she is a pathetic over reacting ***** but yeah now he doesn't have a girlfriend again, so tbh they won't ever work again cus both times failed :/ all of this stuff me and him have been through together is what I believe causes us to have such a special bond and friendship and just everything that we have and that is why it hurts me so much that he isn't here, i can't have hugs with him and just cute moments because he's too far for that, we can't be together or see each other and the closest thing we can't have any of that:( I can usually cope well with it but its just got too much and I've been lying in bed crying for the past hour writing this, even though me and K are on the right track back to normal now that will still never change the fact he can't be here to fall asleep cuddling with me and i just can't have the one person i want more than anyone and no body understands how much it hurts me, my mum just tells me to get a grip because apparently i don't even know him since we haven't properly met, i love him for saying i haven't met him and felt this way for like over a year and he has too, it's hard for us both and sometimes i get so upset i just wanna up and leave here so i can be with him but i can't afford it and im still in school:( sorry for going on but i just can't deal with it anymore, im considered too young by my mum to go see him all the way down there and be doesn't have the money to come here so we are both stuck:( had enough of crying myself to sleep all the time because i wish i was able to see him and have him here, distance hurts so much, it's a physical pain and my heart actually hurts sometimes from crying about it :( ok done now just needed to pour that out..
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 7, 2013