What Am I Ever Going To Do? I Can't Take Army Life...at All!!!

I HATE Army life. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. Have you ever noticed that many kids are having freak outs because their dad is gone or because they had to move or because their best friend had to move. This happens way too often! I am SOOOOO SICK OF IT. We've had to move at the most ridiculous, obnoxious times, and my husband often deploys or goes TDY at a moment's notice. When we do have notice, everything centers around how many days until he deploys. We try to get it all in. And then R&R, are we going to be fertile? Are we going to go away or stay home? The kids finally adjust to him being home, then have to have a long readjustment period when he goes again. Then there is more countdowns and more adjustments and more PCSes etc etc etc. I couldn't care less that I have "had the opportunity to live in Europe". Not that I am not grateful, it just wasn't worth the stress. I simply can't do this anymore (8 years now, we were supposed to be out 3 years ago) Stupid &*$%##&*@! stop loss and then being convinced to take the @#$#@&*@ bait the Army gives you. And I am either being begged for favors by other Army wives difficult situations or having to beg people myself. I have gone through 1 miscarriage by myself since my husband was deployed. I had another miscarriage and when I was having a D&C my husband was busy arranging how to get his keys to someone so they could cover for him at work. I can never escape the Army coming first. My husband is a great guy and he doesn't MEAN for it to be that way, but he is so brainwashed. I would not care if they offered $10 million at retirement. BUT if we get out, I'm the terrible person who made my husband give up the career he is amazing at. I love him so much and wish I could be supportive, but my heart is not in it and my kids are adversely affected. It really irks me when I hear other wives saying how supportive they are of their husbands and medical insurance this, and deployment money that. How can they ignore the fact that their kids are in shambles? There are all sorts of poems at my daughter's school about how angry many kids are that their dad had to deploy again and how that makes them feel. It's like, do these people not see what this is doing to their family? I know it is a very honorable career and OF COURSE I respect what soldiers do for our country, but more often than not, their families are falling apart and they keep adding more time on their contract! I am not a selfish person - in fact, very caring - but I have an obligation to my children to give them a solid foundation. Money is not an issue, I work part time and make very decent money. I would work more if I had to. I resent my husband for this lifestyle, even though a lot of it isn't his fault and he technically does include me in the decision to stay in (begging for over a month - I just wanted some peace - and to be supportive instead of a roadblock). I keep thinking over and over again that he put us in a position to have to live by Army rules. I went to college for 10 years, have an advanced degree, and HATE the fact that I have to be completely controlled by the Army. I know God is in control, but I am so angry at what the Army does to my family that it has interferred with my faith in God. We have free will! (I keep going over in my head.) Then I say, God has a plan. What is the answer cause I have turned into a very angry person. Also, a judgemental person about the motives of struggling families. Is money really worth it? Do you see what this is doing to your kids??? (I don't say this, I just sit and stew about it) I don't even like myself at this point, but I have had to pick up the pieces the Army has sent me for so long that I have found that I cannot just "suck it up". It affects me everyday and I am not who I thought I would be as a mother because of all the guilt for feeling this way, the accrued anger, and the feelings of hopelessness. I am just not cut out for this. Unfortunately, my husband is - in a big way. Divorce is not an option. He says he'll get out for me, but we are so damn far in at this point and he keeps saying the hard part is over - plus he's super successful. Can someone just give me the answers!
anonarmywife anonarmywife
8 Responses Sep 12, 2011

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I was an Army wife before I joined the military myself. After the fact that my ex-husband got stationed in Korea while I was pregnant then decided to cheat on me over there. Now I'm struggling in the Army as a single mother, worrying about the stability of my son. He struggles in school because I'm in and out of the field and by the time we get home we are exhausted. I moved him with my mother during deployment and family is not understanding because as a mother there is this concept you should have to rely on a man and it was hard for me to be away from my son but having nothing to fall back on for myself I had no choice. My son and me had to survive on our own some way. Trust me I hate relying on family or anyone so completely understand that. I'm happy for you that you have a man that loves you and is willing to support you and your babies. I understand that it is always Army first and kids last, it sucks. That is why I'm getting out on family care plan. Army helped me with training and college degree so now I have the means to take care of him but making it a retirement career. I absolutely agree with you on being sick of it. I'm tired of being away from my kid, him struggling because I need more time with him, child care is expensive, family members don't understand, and other wives and other members are too deep in having the rank go to thier head or I'm so much better than you. The narcissistic attitudes, every man and every family for themselves instead of taking care of one another. Just thought I give you a perspective on both sides, NOT IN A NEGATIVE WAY. Please hang in there and everything works themselves out.

In the grave there is lots of time for silence. Say seething now before your life is completely messed up. You love your family, I assume he does too, so make him see what it's doing to his kids. Plus you are right an intelligent womanise you should not have to be stuck under the thumb if such a rigid institution

Listen, I was at in the top 01.% of the Army then my wife and I had children and it changed my whole outlook. I am never with my kids and I miss my wife and little ones every time I go to the field. I am an infantry officer from a family of military guys and was prior enlisted. Trust me, I know the draw that your husband feels toward the army and as a man he wants to provide for you guys while doing something he loves. You and him need to discuss your feelings and be HONEST with each other. Nothing is worth being miserable all the time, that is why I'm getting out along with my the Squad Leaders in my Platoon and many of my fellow officers. On top of it all, you cannot justify this ridiculous war. Good luck to you guys.

sounds like you should just ride it out till he gets out. good luck!

The army is a good decision, and a great sacrifice. However, it isn't for everyone, and it certainly isn't for a family. The army doesn't care about family, nor do they care about your circumstances, you and your husband are a stat. Your husband seems to be a very good man who has made many sacrifices to continue his military career, but at some point we have to realize when those sacrifices are too great. Family comes first, always, because in the end when your husband leaves the army - you are all he will have. <br />
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Children will not understand a "greater mission" until they are old enough to understand what their father does, by that time they have already missed out on the best parts of their youth. Anonarmywife, do what is best for your family, not the army. Jobs are tough out there, but they are out there nevertheless, and many are on par with the military if not greater. <br />
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Good luck. FTA forever.

The bottom line is that your husband is doing something honorable while at the same time something to to help support the family. The military is made of strong individuals such as your husband so please be strong for him. If the military life was easy then everybody would cater to it. It is tough growing up with a father in the military but you're kids must understand the greater mission: National Security. We (military personnel) are in this to protect the nation first and foremost with secondary missions. Do not whine and complain because your husband has enough on his plate, be strong. Turn on the news, civilian life isn't all that glamorous either. You two will look back on his military career as a great decision, guaranteed.

Utter bullcrap. Stop repeating the same war mongering propaganda or go to a group killers united

I would work EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life to avoid Army life. EVERY DAMN DAY

Stop being selfish he's giving you a LIFE would you rather him have a REAL JOB? One that he may get laid off from? Will you appreciate the money then?

Learn some manners. This group is not meant for right wing extremists. But I guess you creeps love your sense of entitlement. You should be ashamed of yourself, you guilt mongering moron.

What in the world are you talking about Joebrownjr lol

Show some respect. Until you have to go through it yourself, don't judge some one based upon their feelings.