I have always had a weight problem. Growing up, I was always chubby, and it didn't bother me until the kids started bullying me in 7th grade. It was the typical "Skinny girl hates on fat girl" bullying. It got worse though when the boys in my class began to bully me too. That is when I lost confidence in myself.
I wanted to make a change, and I finally did. Going into high school, I lost all the weight I could and became a "skinny" girl. I felt much better about myself, but I could not shake the bullies I had to endure. I thought "maybe they were right. Maybe I am ugly." Even though my figure looked better, I still kept it concealed and hidden away, because I thought it was still repulsive. Finally senior year came, and I began to have problems. My heart would race, I would sweat excessively, I couldn't sleep but I would be tired all the time, and my periods came very irregularly. At 18, I went to the doctor and found out my thyroid was extremely overactive and was causing me health problems. The only way for me to get better, would be to have it destroyed through radioactive iodine. After the treatment, I began to feel better, but since my body was no longer producing thyroid hormone, I packed a lot of weight on. In 4 months, I gained close to 60 lbs. I became depressed and the voices of my bullies began to ring in my head. I hid away until I was 19 when I finally started college.
I'm 21 now and I still struggle with losing weight. I constantly compare my body to other girls because I am a larger girl. I stand at 5'8", with broad shoulders, a wide rib cage, and narrow hips. I have what they call an "inverted triangle" body type. I never truly noticed my body type until I packed all the weight on. I will stand in front of the mirror and pick myself apart. "I'm too tall. I'm too broad. I am not curvy." Although I am overweight, I cannot consider myself "curvy" because I truly am not.
I am now trying to lose weight, but it is honestly very hard. I take thyroid medication everyday, but it still doesn't compare to when your body produces it on its own. I try to stop hating my body, and be thankful that it is healthy again, but when I see a tiny and petite girl, I hate myself again, and hide away. It is going to be long and hard road ahead, but I will do my best to reach my goal not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well.
vbs28 vbs28
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 27, 2014

Please hang in there, I know it's difficult. I was always skinny, about three years ago my metabolism slowed down and I gained weight. I know the weight will come off slowly. I just don't like having the extra weight. It makes me self-concious. If you ever feel like talking, I'm here :)