I'm A Lesbian, And Yet I Hate The Word...

No... it's not an issue of self-loathing.  Trust me, I am happy being who I am.  I'm happy being gay.  That's right, I said gay.  I'm not sure what it is about the word "lesbian" that causes me to cringe and have general feelings of discomfort.  Perhaps it's because to me, it sounds like a disease of some sort.  Like, "Oh, yeah, she came down with a bad case of lesbianity so we have her quarantined so as not to infect the whole house."   Maybe that's it. 

I mean, I never had any sort of horrendous experience with the word.  I was never called a "lesbian" in some disparaging way.  In fact, I don't really remember ever hearing the word that much at all.  I was more apt to hear "that's so gay".  You would think I would hate the word "gay" considering it was used so profusely and in so many unpleasant ways throughout my life.  Yet, I prefer that term. 

I sign up for websites that ask my orientation.  Sometimes I'm forced to choose "Lesbian" with a capital L, as if it's a title or a country of some sort.  "Yes, that's me I'm Lesbian, from the country of Lesbia".  Perhaps that's the real issue - it sounds like I'm not from around these parts.  It makes me feel as if I come from a different planet and I'm just visiting the indigenous people. 

"Lesbian" sounds like my entire identity, whereas "gay" sounds like an adjective to describe me.  Maybe that's the real issue. 



Truthfully, I don't know.  For whatever reason I hate the word.  I've been out for over a decade and still hate using it.  I think I'm just lazy... 3 syllables is just too much for me to utter when trying to parlay information about my sexual orientation to the masses. For now, I'm sticking with Gay with a capital G.

lexxij lexxij
26-30, F
7 Responses Mar 14, 2010

You don't have to use the term lesbian. You can just say you're gay (which is what I do) or homosexual. You don't even need a label, if you don't want one. If someone asks you what your preference is, say you're attracted to women. And if they call you a lesbian and you don't like that, let them know.

I get what your saying. It does make a lot more sense to say gay rather than lesbian. But there shouldn't even be a word to have to describe loving the same sex. It's just love, no matter what gender.

I feel the same way about the word homosexual. It sounds clinical somehow. I don't mind being called a Lesbian but I don't know if it describes me very well. It's just a label. People are unique. It's not so much the word itself, its more what people link to this word.

You know what when I came out as a lesbian it was odd and unusual and a little disturbing to me. But honestly there's more to me than what my sexual preference is! Now if people ask yes I am a full blown no doubt in my mind LESBIAN!

I totally feel the same way! I prefer 'gay' or 'queer.' Men get to have an adjective, but we get stuck with a noun. A gay man happens to be gay, but he's a man first. It's like you're not even allowed to be a woman anymore. You're a Lesbian.

You think Lesbian is bad? Try being bi-curious LOL. To me Lesbian sounded like the group Thespian from High School. Just sounds like the name of a group you wouldn't want to belong to. BTW: Lesbian is from the Greek Isle of Lesbos

I am a straight woman. But i never call myself that. I never say straight when describing myself, why do you have to say lesbian? I can understand your problem with the word, it does sound like a disease or some alien life form. You have no need to introduce yourself that describes your sexial orientation.