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My Rant On Twilight

 

First of all, seriously... Twilight? What kind of name is that? By first hearing the name, you would never think that it's about vampires. It sounds fruity and girly. Which I guess is ok if you want to attract a female audience. But rarely do you see a guy walking around saying how "cool" the book Twilight is! Granted, there are those few who enjoy it.....
Though I have not actually read the entire book (Don't plan on finishing past the first few pages I did read) I have done my research. Being the vampire fanatic that I am, I feel that I should touch at this point of the series. Vampires are known as "creatures of the NIGHT". So why the hell are they able to walk during the day time? And why the HELL do they SPARKLE!! It’s not enough that the main vampire character Edward is girly looking enough; they have to make them light up like a fairy Christmas tree during the day. Three words: WHAT THE HELL!!!?? Since when do vampire, The CREATURES OF THE NIGHT, The blood suckers, the masters of darkness, SPARKLE?!? This I clearly do not understand..... If anyone would like to fill me in as to why they make a vampire look like he just got up from rolling around on a glitter soaked floor, feel free.....


Speaking of glittering vampires, since when are vampires able to stand sun-light. I repeat, they are creatures of the NIGHT. Not creatures of the All-day-long. And if they somehow managed to adapt to sun light, then, ****, we're all screwed. And Edward's house has windows... EVERYWHERE. WHY?!?!?!?!? Vampires are not supposed to glitter when they are in sunlight. They spontaiously combust into flames!....
Another thing. The most distinguishing thing about a vampire is the teeth. The sharp canines that rip over the skin for a clean cut. (Although they are beasts when it comes to being Blood-thirsty, they are actually quite elegant, clean creatures. a clean cut is very important in feeding) Can someone explain to me why these vampires have no fangs?..... Causes this I, also, clearly do no understand. It's foolish to have a story about vampires, with vampire that have no teeth!....


As everyone knows, Zombies can infect a living being with a simple bite, and add that being into their ranks of the undead. But a vampire being able to turn someone else with just a bite? Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not possible. A vampire can not shoot "venom" through their fangs. Their teeth are just like humans, just a lot more... pointer. Let me educate you in the process of turning a human into a vampire. ....


According to early works of vampire literature, such as Βαμπίρ (1690), Vampiri (1754), and Geschöpfe der Nacht (1580), as well as modern works, such as The book of the Damned, all state that the process of changing a living being into a vampire is more of a ritual, and takes at least 12 hours. "The living being must be killed and drained of all humanly blood before they can even begin the journey into the night.... [They] must drink from the wrist of their Sire to start the transition" (Fort 98)....


I'm sure Mrs. Meyer had it in her best interest to make a great book. She seceded with the part about selling a great Selling book. But not so much of a great book. No so original either. You see, Twilight is just Romeo and Juliet (Dumbed down of course, since most people don't even get why Romeo and Juliet is considered a comedy) but with Vampires. Come on... seriously. As if we don't have enough Romeo and Juliet based movies out there. (In fact, most love stories now a day are based off from Shakespeare’s most widely known work)....


I am sooooooo sick and tired of hearing about the Twilight series. If I have to stand another day hearing about Edward or his little girlfriend, I'm going to blow a gasket! I guarantee it's going to be another Harry Potter phase. It will be around for a while, until the older audience starts to realize how pointless it really is. ....


Again, this is just a rant, not meant to offend anyone or start a debate. It's just my own opinion. Just like belly buttons, everyone has one. (Unless you're a clone of course! Then you're exempt from this rule XD)....
pandapandora pandapandora 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 12, 2009

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Vent all you like. Twilight is like dawning of the night, so why think it's bad?<br />
Most films still admit vampires can't stand light, like John Carpenter movies and the Dusk Til Dawn series...it's a new twist to be able to stand light. A twist on a story gone stale. Like Zombies preferring brains. In The Night of the Living Dead [in B & W] they ate livers, arms, etc. Only later did the idea of brain eating evolve. The 1st Dawn of the Dead showed a zombie chomping on her boyfriend's trapezius.