Is There Something Wrong With Me, Or Is It Everyone Else?

i am 14, a girl, and no one gets me. im not popular, but im not a loser either. I've been told i am gorgeous by like all the girls in my school, and i know i am pretty but in an unusual way. The guys just dont see it. Boys dont flirt with me, and my best friend says they must, and i make up stories about the older guys flirting with me because she has all these stories of her romantic encounters and i dont have one. shes not even that pretty she's like normal, high school sorta big boobed pretty. im a 34a, one boob is bigger than the other, im pale, i have freckles on my nose and cheeks, im 5'5, i have super long legs, im a stick, i have some muscle from field hockey, i have this reddish tinted, bronzy light brown curly shoulder length hair, and i have a great smile! so why dont they like me. i try to act confident, even when i feel shy. i am so shy! its like the words get caught in my throat and even when i say something i say the wrong thing most of the time. my parents annoy the **** out of me even though they are much nicer than most parents, they just dont get me! no one gets me its like i have this sign taped on my head that says "DONT UNDERSTAND THIS PERSON, SHES A MESS INSIDE JUST TRY TO MAKE HER LIFE WORSE". and with homework, lack of concentration, a depressed sister who is insainly jelous of me even though my parents put her first for everything. because she said how she felt, she told my mom. and i havnt told anyone except my cousin, and my best friend but they didnt help me! they just said wow that sucks! even when i told them about all my subside notes i have at the back of my closet, and the box of sleeping pills i stole from my mom and hid half of the year just incase i couldnt take it anymore. why does it feel like im all alone when so many people are around me? why does it feel like my heart is being strangled by an iron fist? why does it feel like i will never be loved? why does it feel like my life has no purpose? why cant i stop lying to everyone? why cant i just tell the ******* truth about how i feel inside? why do i cry all the time? why do i feel already dead inside? why can't i achually kill myself? why? why? why? these are the questions that go through my mind. these are the thoughts that have brought me here, to you. please save me.


(thats all im asking for)
TheOneAndOnlyTruth TheOneAndOnlyTruth
13-15, F
Sep 18, 2012