About To Give Up

Our one year anniversary is very soon. Since I discovered the **** on his computer a month after we married, we've had 3 BIG arguments about it.I've told him distinctly that I do not think I can stand the ***********. I feel in my heart that it is cheating. That it tears me apart that he prefers **** to me. He gives me the same old, "it has nothing to do with you, it's my own business", and is very attentive for a week or so. He lied to me the first time, and said it wasn't that important to him, and he would stop. He never did. In a year, we've made love probably 10 times. I was instructed to quit pressuring him, and let things take their natural course- we didn't make love for over 2 months- until I brought it up.

I am 50 years old. I look great, feel great. He prefers lusting after **** than make love to me. Why?

Each time I confront him, and tell him I didn't sign on for a roommate marriage, he gets mad. Why?
He sleeps with a pillow between us. When I reach to hold his hand, he pulls away after a moment or two. A kiss is a dry, quick, peck on the mouth. Why?

During the last confrontation, he told me I was too passive in bed. Excuse me? I was the one always saying, "slow down, let's enjoy this". I was the one who asked, "what do you like? What next? Let's try this...."

He never touches me, short of patting me on the back as he walks by. But he'll tell me I looked great in the the dress I wore the other day. Why?

Everytime I see him sitting in that room looking at that computer, I get sick to my stomach. Who is he lusting after now?

This marriage is ending over ***********. It's gone on so long that I really don't even like to look at him, or spend time with him anymore. When I look at him now, I just want to scream "WHY?"

Bestrongforever Bestrongforever
51-55, F
3 Responses May 17, 2012

In my opinion,<br />
<br />
I don't think you should lose your marriage over **** unless he is addicted. ( meaning that's all he does all day)<br />
<br />
Honestly, you should watch with him. Maybe it would give you some ideas on how to spice things up. Maybe he feels you are too conservative in the bedroom. You are married, so don't be ashamed to talk nasty and act like his little s**t.<br />
<br />
I know that sounds vulgar but this is for your husband. **** is about fantasy so it wouldn't hurt to bring the fantasy to him. when he says your our too passive, maybe your not nasty/freaky enough. take charge and just grab his d*ck or randomly give him a BJ<br />
<br />
Take control!!<br />
<br />
just my opinion. Good Luck!!

Yes, the patting is used as a push-me-away technique. So that when/ if I were to bring it up, he can respond with, "I love on you all the time". <br />
What is doubly insulting is that he's 100+ overweight, and snores horribly, not to mention that his doctor told him his weight was a Big problem concerning sex. But he refuses to go on a diet, refuses all exercise, and drinks profusely. So clearly, I am not worth the effort. Let me say it again: clearly, I am not worth the effort.<br />
I do not want a divorce. But I am not going to live like this for the rest of my life.

Hi<br />
<br />
I'm interesting in reading about the 50-somethings (I am 53 and am told I look great - firt, slim, curvy) - why can't my H try to lose weight? When we married he was at least 60lbs less than he is now, and he has heart problems so needs to lose weight - oh, and also snores. he is 13 years older than me. And has ED so sex has been pretty bad for quite a while and almost non-existence for past year. BUT the thing I respond to most in your post is the 'patting'. I have had big arguments with my husband recently over lack of intimacy - and have told him that I hate being 'patted' as it is the opposite of sexy, really a patronising and 'don't touch me' gesture. This is part of our larger dialogue. My H also looks at *****. He is into 'discipline' stuff which doesn't really do it for me.