My sister and father both made blind accusations not to long ago about why it is I've been spending time with a certain LDS church and youth group… Well, let's take a few steps back.

When I was 15, I met this guy. He was pretty chill :) We had late night phone calls about random crap that really didn't matter, but it was cool that we were just talking.. ate lunch together, took shots of lemon juice for fun, just all this junk that made me happy, like I had someone to trust. Long story short, it didn't last, and he ended things, and I blamed myself for it, I still kind of do. But that's not the point.

The point is, I never got over it. To this day I still miss what we had, even though it's no longer defining my level of happiness. I'd like to be with him, he's still, in my eyes, one of the greatest people alive… but I don't NEED to be with him. Which is a nice change. ANYWAY.

I became really good friends with his now 22 year old sister. I've never been closer to anyone in my life… even him really. He didn't let me get close enough, even though it's what I wanted. Through his sister, I became close with his family.

Here we are, a year and five months later, and his sister had invited me to church, over to their home, to dinner. His mom invited me to a church beach event then over to their house for dinner. He had been at a camp for the majority of the summer, and had only just come back, I thought he was still there, but he came back that night after a hike with his dad and boy scouts and I was surprised to see him.

That evening, his parents asked if I'd come to church the next day, and I agreed… at church, one of the leaders invited me over to his house for this Cookie Night. It was REALLY fun. The guy was there because he's also in the Sunday school…. I mean, I'm not TRYING to be around him, I'm not going out of my way to see him. It's just happening, yet my sister and father both scolded me for chasing the past. It… irritates me.

The reason I'm seeing them at all is because they're inviting me… they make me feel appreciated and like I matter. I go to the church because anyone I've been drawn to in the past few months have been LDS, and now that I know there's a God, maybe he's trying to tell me something. It almost hurts me that they think I'm faking my way through the whole process just because I want to see a guy I had/have feelings for.
MissAutumn MissAutumn
18-21, F
Aug 19, 2014