Bad Mother, Idiot Father

Over a year ago now, I began working as a nanny for this family. They had two children, a boy, 8, who had autism and ADHD, and a little girl, 3, who when I began working there had a broken leg from a trampoline incident (her cast came off about 2 months after I began working for them). Their father, who was weasily in his sixties and had grown children from a previous marriage, worked the night shift at a casino. The mother was 30 years his younger, a young mom, who was an ER nurse, and wanted to work more hours. She wanted me to watch the kids after school and spend the nights with them while they worked, to which I agreed. It was not long before I noticed what bad parents they both were/are.

I spent 5 days out of the week with the children, from 3pm to the next morning at 7am, when I took them to their respective schools. The kids saw me far more then they ever saw her parents. I had trouble understanding this particularly on the mother's part because she chose her hours to work at her new job when she first got it, I even told her she should spend more time with the children. Especially her son who of course struggles with change. Eventually he got used to me though. We got along quite well and bonded.

Then on thanksgiving in '09 the father calls me up, his wife has not returned home to him or the children in three days. She is having an affair and leaving him. They were just about to move into a new 300,000 dollar house and she informed him he would not be joining them, but her lover would. I did not like this but what can I do after all?

I start my first day at the new home, and find out that I now will be watching a third child, her lover's 11 year old son, a smart boy, but who has behavioral problems at school. He informs me that he's had "a few mommies". *eyeroll*

The 8 year old boy is acting out now, he never had before. There were the usual "clean your room" scufflels, but nothing out of the ordinary. But all a sudden he is acting out all the time, pushing his sister around, screaming at his new "stepbrother", and throwing things about all the time. I tell his mother she needs to talk to him about what is going on, explain it to him, but she refuses. She increases her hours at work one day on me, and we have a big argument concerning this. The 8 year olds behavior continues to get worse, he is very obstinant and will not go to bed at any reasonable hour and refuses to do homework or eat dinner. I tell his mother, she shrugs it off again. One day after getting the little girl to bed, I go to check on the 8 year old and join him playing video games. I can smell him from fifteen feet away, he reeks. I can visably see dirt on him and so I tell him before bed he needs to bathe, he argues a bit, but eventually concedes. So I warm up a bath for him, and he undresses, asking me to wash his back, so I agree. He has sores on his back and the dirt is thick like a layer. I am shocked of course. I ask him when he bathed last and he can't remember-he tells me that his mother says he does not need to bathe anymore if he doesn't want to.

The next morning I ask her about this, and she agrees that she told him that, and states that she had not made him bathe in "several days". She also told me  to "ease up" on him, stating that he didn't need to eat dinner, he could just eat junk food, that he did not need to do homework, and that he didn't need a bedtime-so long as he got to school so she could sleep during her offtime it was all fine by her.

In the meantime, every time the father has them every other weekend he calls me up constantly he asks me what children eat, what appropriate bedtimes are, how to change a diaper (I had potty trained their daughter, but they did not allow her to go to the bathroom at night when I was not around *eyeroll*), what to do if the boy hit or swore, etc. Really stupid questions with simple, logical answers for the most part.

They spent no time with their children, they drove me nuts. The mother used to push the children away when they tried to hug her. She was very cold, especially to their son. I couldn't STAND IT.

I type all this just to say IF YOU DON'T WANT CHILDREN PLEASE DON'T HAVE THEM. People act like children are soooooo stupid that they don't know when they are unwanted and unloved, but they do know and it is a very hurtful thing. You have a choice nowadays, and I just don't undestand raising a child you don't want, or how you don't love them. That is all...