My "sugar Free Life" ?!My 8 year old daughter has been going home this new friend lately. In the interest of protecting her identity lets call the friend "Lucy"
Lucy had never been over to our house before because my husband picks my daughter up from school and when she asked of she could go over to this girls house he said yes without a second thought. I don't want to tell my kids who they can and can't be friends with, but I do like to have the friend at our house FIRST so I can meet the parents and size up the kid. So as soon as my husband told me about this I immediately schedule a play date at our house. I picked the girls up from school and thought Lucy was sweet. The girls sat in the back and talke about girl things (School friends, teachers, TV, etc.) Then when we arrived home the girls went put to play in the yard. They spent about 45 minutes outside playing tag and it was fine, I sat inside and did some work paid some bills etc. The trouble started when the girls came inside and asked for a snack.
I'm always happy to make my kids a snack, as long as its reasonably healthy. So I made my daughter's usual after school snack, cheese, crackers, apples, and bananas. I cut it up and put it on a big plate and put it in between the two girls. Lucy picked up an apple and turned it peer in her hands a few times, like she'd never seen an apple before. Then she put it down gently like it was an active grenade and with a wave of her hand said "I don't eat fruit unless it's in gummy form." I thought "A little rude but my kids have gone through picky eating fazes too." I would never force my kids to eat something they don't want to, but I don't offer a substitute in return. If they don't like the food they dont have to eat it but I won't make them anything else. However, this girl was company so I asked if she wanted something else. "Do you have any candy?" I was happy to offer her other healthy food. I said "I don't have any candy but I have other sweet things. How about peanut butter?" She shook her head. "Okay, well if you thinking something else you want call me and I'll be happy to make it."
I went upstairs to tidy up and after 15 minutes went downstairs to check on the girls. What I saw shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. When I walked in Lucy had her head crammed in a kitchen cupboard and every draw in the kitchen was open, it's contents spilled across the floor and my daughter teetering from the highest shelf in the pantry. I rushed over and grabbe my daughter down from the shelf, and said in a firm voice "Girls, sit at the kitchen table now." they both sat down, my daughter looked at her strong willed friend to lead the way. I said, "Girls, do you know how dangerous it is going through the kitchen so recklessly. There are sharp hot things in here! Not to mention, no means no. If I say no candy then there is NO candy. Now go play outside and I do not want to hear another word about candy today okay?" my daughter apologized and said it wasn't her idea to which Lucy replied "Hey!" oh, and if you're thinking I let them off easy I would agree with you, but I need my kitchen organized a certain way and also, besides her junk food habit this was one of the more normal friends my daughter has had in a while. Between the girl who brought a BB gun to shoot squirrels with and the 8 year old girl who still relied on a pacifier to keep from randomly bursting into tears. Lucy seemed like a nice little friend and I didn't want to scare her off. The rest of the day went fine and neither me nor my daughter thought about the incident again. That is until two days later when I invited Lucy to dinner and got this email in return.
I really don't appreciate your controlling attitude towards my daughter. If you want to be restrictive and extreme with your children that's your choice but imposing your sugar free ways apon my child is really crossing a line. Obviously we will not be accepting your invitation.
This is what I wrote back, though I would have rather written something much different.
Dear Lucy's Mom,
I am very sorry to hear Lucy did not have a good time at our house, and quite frankly didn't think she seemed that upset over it. However, if I have offended you or upset your daughter in any way I sincerely apologize. I would like to clarify that I don't live a "Sugar free" life ad my daughter delights in candy at least once a week, just not Irving the day. However, that's just how I do things and if what you do works then more power to you. I by no means intended o pass judgment on your family. I was merely trying to create consistency, something I'm sure you as a mother understand. If I le the rules slide that time ten the incident would be brought up again and again whenever I tried to enforce the rule again. It is a shame Lucy will not be joining us as she was a very sweet girl and I know both my daughter and myself enjoyed her.
Those are verbatim quotes.
I really did just want to create consistency. But my daughter is one of those kids who never forgets ANYTHING. She would bring this up again and again whenever i said there was no candy in the middle of the day she would bring this up. If it were one of our other kids I would have let it slide, I really would. But it just burns me up how people would say that! "Sugar free life"?!
Thank you to anyone who read my rant all th way through:)