Tucson It's Not Your Fault...

The Sonoran desert is a mystical place and it has so much charm...

That being said. I moved here when I really had nowhere else to go in this entire world. I lived happily for the better part of the last decade in a very small studio apartment. I loved that place. Granted it was small, and I had to walk down four flights of stairs to take out my trash, but it really kept me sane and feeling good about life. At night there were beautiful views of the ocean.

Four years ago my husband came over to from rural England to live with me in my studio. When he got to my place he cried saying why can't we go back to england. I never forgot that. It made me feel so bad. I remember the nice house we shared for those six months when I stayed in england. It was so different than my place. So much more of a home, and my tiny studio was more like an office in comparison. Still I loved my place.

So we began looking for a new place, the only problem was I could not afford anything different. We were offered a place to stay in Oakland for cheep that was actually a house and not a third floor studio. Soon after we moved in, my neighbors and friends began what would become a serious heroin habit. They made our house unlivable.

Now we were stuck in Oakland and I lost my Apartment!!!!! We tried looking for another one and everything was so outrageously priced. I was up against a wall. On a pure whim and motivated by the desire to not be homeless, I decided to enroll in the University of Arizona in Tucson. I talked to my mom and she told me she was looking to buy a house and for years she was pushing me to leave my nice place in the city. I took the offer. My life was pure hell in Oakland.....

Two years later I live in Tucson. Everyday I wake up in a beautiful house, and I can think of is how much I really hate it here. My problem with Arizona is culture. The economy is completely broken, people drive huge trucks. I cannot find a job no job not even from a place with a glowing help wanted sign. I have no real friends that I can share my passions with, but rather people who I causally know. In California, I had a small place above a sandwich shop, but I was happy. I had friends, and the ocean. There is no water here and it is killing me. I know what it means to be dead inside, because I just pretend there is a living being in my body.
I hate it here so much I wanted to kill myself for a year. Now I am stuck. There is no way I can return to my happy life in the city and there is no way out of this desert as far as I can tell...
loverkat loverkat
26-30
Jul 16, 2010