I'm Trapped Here

I moved here because my husband wanted to take a job here.  I love my husband and we truly could not afford to live where we had been previously.  I was sad to leave.  I used to be a happy go lucky kind of person, lots of friends, not too much conflict or depression.  This place, this town, has brought out the absolute worst in me.  I am so lonely.  It's full of cliques and exclusivity, possibly because it is a smaller town.  I hate cliques.  More than anything.  I feel like I have really tried here, and still after more than four years, I am still lonely, feel like an outsider and would move tomorrow.  I just can't get my act together and it makes me so mad!  So, I'm stuck.  I tell myself, I should be grateful that my husband has a job that he likes that pays the bills in this awful economy.  Our church is great, but there again, it too, can be cliquey.  I've lived all over the place since I was 15, and I've never had such a hard time as I do here.  I'm so glad I found a place where I can vent, and where others feel similarly.  I'm going to go cry myself to sleep again.

nolej95 nolej95
49 Responses Aug 22, 2009

It doesn't have to be a small town that makes you miserable, I moved from my brooklyn apartment that I loved to an expensive doorman apt in the busiest neighborhood in manhattan only about 2 miles away. My fiancΓ©'s condo is big but he said we'd move to brooklyn together as soon as he could find a place. I found the perfect apartment 3 or 4 times before he told me we just aren't moving from where we are now. I think he's afraid? He lied about moving me back, I wish I never met him, I want to leave but I've somehow become too anxious living in this busy neighborhood and I'm now possibly disabled by depression and anxiety, I had no idea this could happen... I had no idea I could ever be so screwed up from this. For the past couple years I sit indoors ripping my hair out one strand at a time and sometimes now if anxiety keeps me indoors for too many days at a time, then I'll start banging my head... I'm not even fit to live on my own anymore and I have no family to turn to. I just wish I had the life I had before I met him again. I wish I never moved for him. I'm 36 and my doctor told me I have this reproductive illness and if I want to have my own children that this may be my last year to have them, ...I guess the timing is off. I wish I could sue him for ruining my life. If only I never met him and never moved.... every min of every day is complete torture from the inside out. I hate him and would abort his baby and rub it in his face if he decides to get me pregnant. I hate him, I HATE him! I wish I'd left him before I lost my mind. I had a chance but I ******* spent the $ on couples therapy that helped me get us a little more social together for one summer before he convinced me it was a waste of money. He honestly seems to be fine with me sitting in the corner ripping my hair out everyday as long as his friends and family don't see, this is not ok with me, this life is not ok with me, my life was really fun before, I have no one other than him now and I hate him so much that I cry every time I look at him. I've never been in such a bad spot, I've never felt this crappy and it's just been getting worse every single day for the past 3 years. I've done crazy things to come up with the money to move back to BK but it'll take another year before I save enough to leave ...and I think I said the same thing last year and the year before that I actually did move out but to a neighborhood that was too remote and isolating, I want to live where I did before I met him, is that too much to ask. I've been here 3 years now I think. Just long enough to completely scramble my brain. Depression and anxiety has completely screwed with my cognitive ability, I wish an old friend would call just to take me for a walk in my old neighborhood so I could at least breathe again for a little while, I feel so much more at ease on those streets. I wish I was gone. I was never like this before. I was so strong and independent before.... and the worst part is that I'm the big ******* here because he's such a nice guy and I'm so unreliable now. It's like everyone forgot who I was before I met him, I was better than this before, no one could ever make me feel trapped and ***** me of my ability to make my own decisions. This is all so wrong

I can relate so much. I moved to a new place a few months ago because my Dad is in the army. I moved from Sydney to Canberra, and it hate it. I just hate it. I came from a place filled with people and life and friends and everything just feels so grey here. I feel really miserable all the time. I'm usually outgoing and happy and had lots of friends in Sydney, but I feel so anxious here. I have moments where I am outgoing, like the first day of school which went really well, but I am just so stressed and worried about coming across as socially awkward, that a lot of the time now, I am. I hate saying that, because it's just not me and I feel ashamed when I admit that. I haven't made any close friends that I can be myself with and not feel pressure when I'm around them. I put so much pressure on myself to channel my confidence and be outgoing that it doesn't work, and I feel like I can't relax. I just loved where I lived so much, and I do not want to be here. Fleeting moments of happiness distract me from what's around me, but I come back to reality and I'm just sad. I'm not myself and around my newer friends I'm just a generic, plain person that I don't think they like very much. I would do anything to reverse it all. I would do absolutely anything to go back in time and change this. I miss the place, my friends, the people, my school. I plan to get out of here after I finish school, but I don't know if I can be like this for 3 years. I have never felt like this.

I feel the same! I came to this country thinking I would make a lot of true friends! I was so happy because this was a big change for me but as soon as I got here, I got the feeling that everybody had their own thing going on, And I felt very left out. I am used to having a lot of people around me and coming to this place where everyone just cares about theirselves, I felt a bit alien. I really want to go home but there is no way now, I have to finish my degree, my whole career is in risk if I leave.. I feel like crying.

I am a 13 year old girl, and I have been moved constantly around 4 towns and 2 continents. The place I am living right now drives me crazy. Its tiny, and everyone knows everyone else. I get to leave when I go to college, and its years away but i'm counting the days. Stay strong. If I can make it then you can too. Just try not to think about it.

I honestly felt like crying when I read this. It made me so glad that I wasn't as alone as I felt. I moved to this city last year, and I don't think I could hate it anymore than I already do. I am such an outdoorsy person and I would love living in the country. The thing is, my dad got a wonderful job that he really enjoys, my mum as well. We live in an apartment but we're here temporarily until we buy a house somewhere here. Thinking about buying a house here, it makes my heart sink and I cry almost as on que. I go to a school which I also despise, but my parents promised that they would change it next year. So only 6 months and then I can leave that hell. The problem is that my house, my real home, is about 1 hr and 30 minutes away. It's located in the country, it has a beautiful scenery, my whole family is there, the whole neighbourhood is actually made up of my family members and relatives, and the closest small town which I love as well is 10 minutes away. We lived there last year for half and year and talk about time of my life. The school I went to was heaven for me. I had so many great friends, and I loved going to school everyday. I lived in a huge house and spend most of my time outdoors having so much fun. I had all my family. A smile never left my face. I just hate where I live. I cannot even do this anymore. It's the capital, (I live in europe btw), and I feel so alone so depressed. I spend most of my day in school since its a private school (its hell disguised as a school and everyone is the spawn of satan tbh). When i get home, I watch tv most of the time, I have only 2 best friends, the whole school is filled with snobby rich people. We visit our house (the one in the country) every weekend, and I always cry when I get here. I just don't know what to do anymore. PLEASE HELP ME! :(

I am in the same boat.

I grew up in a small, conservative, extremely insular town and couldn't wait to get out after college. In 2009, when I graduated, I moved out to a large coastal city and had the time of my life for three years. Unfortunately, due to the recession I ended up moving back to my hometown in 2012. I had grown a little nostalgic for it after being away for three years but as soon as I got back, I remembered every reason why I left. I pissed away my late twenties and am now ******* away my early 30s in this deadbeat town. It's really pretty sad, but due to the debt I am in, I currently am unable to leave nor am I able to save to leave. I have absolutely no friends and no social life. I am also gay but in the closet because this place is so conservative coming out would be very, very risky. It's pretty much as if I was incarcerated. I guess it could always be worse..

I hate where I'm living now too. Every time I go away from this town and I'd come back, I always feel sad and depressed and miserable. I just don't like it here and I feel like I can't fully expressed myself here. I know it's probably my fault that I am they way I am now but I ******* hate it here and I just want to go somewhere else. Also, being an introvert that I am, I feel so lonely when I'm out there. If I'm just sitting in my room alone and watching (which is what I'm doing a lot of times), I dont feel lonely. But when I'm out there surrounded by a lot of people that I know but I don't REALLY know, I feel so ******* lonely. And also I feel like my mom, who is such an extrovert, is embarassed to have a kid like me. A kid who rarely speaks and has a lot of acne. Ok im clearly so emotional right now.
When I say 'the place that i'm living in', it doesnt just refer to the place as in a physical thing. It refers to a deeper condition, the social life. I fuckingggggghsjshajhss hate it. I JUST WANNA GET OUT. PLEASE

Im sad to see so many people feeling the same way as me..I too moved from my country Greece and came to the US because of financial problems..I am 22 got married young and we came here to make some money and go back..butttt life happened..after a month of being here i got pregnant had to stop working because i had a difficult pregnancy..Now my baby is 9 months old i have no one to take care of her so i can work..only my husband works and we barely make it every month which has me thinking why did i even move in the first place..I hate it here..HATEEE IT...i dont drive my husband works all day everyday so im always in the house with my only companionship my baby...its sad what my life used to be and what its become..I have so many friends back home i really want to go back but cant..especially now with my baby..i cant just get up and leave with no money and hope for the best...i am literally thinking of killing myself...there is no point to be living a life like this..i dont want my baby to grow up here locked in a house like a bird with no friends and become a druggie like all other teenagers here...Im just praying for a miracle!!

Please don't kill yourself!! I too am on the same boat. I do believe it can get better. Childcare can be expensive and it sounds like you already can't afford it. I would say moving back to Greece with family or going there for a log visit should help you gain some clarity. Best of luck! I'm here if you need to talk.

I was born and raised in the ghetto. I still hear gunshots nightly, sirens. I've been the white minority for most of my life. All my friends are gone. I can't escape, my dad's drinking problem, my mom's emotions. I'm 31 now not long till 32. I feel trapped in the house where I grew up and was abused as a child. I'm thinking of taking whatever money that I can maybe for my birthday and buying a one-way ticket to Hawaii. Is that a dumb idea? πŸ˜”

I would go for it! What have you to lose?

Did you ever think about getting a job and moving out on your own?

I've lived in Hawaii and it's very expensive. If you get a job and some roommates what do you have to lose? Sounds like it can't get any worse.

I have relocated to different country. Now I hate my city! I can to go to any city here but when I imaging it I'm sure I'll hate it too when ill get there. I feel like I'm living in some dump of the world. I want to escape from this country. I can't return to homeland. I can't get permission to move to NORMAL CIVILIZED country. I need just one more year. I don't want to die at this dump. I want to live last year of my live in civilization.

I hate living where I am too. Sacrifice is my middle name and not getting what I really want. Need more money to make it happen, but my hard work is not enough so here I am.

Its tough for sure. We have a great house, great kids, so forth but I dont like the area we live. We moved here instead of near where I grew up and we had a choice with my wifes job. I cant find work, but my wife wont move because we are near her family. I dont want to raise my kids here. Guess I will just suck it up and die here eventually.

I know how you feel...it's really depressing. Here my story: I used to have the BEST life ever! My school was amazing,(the teachers always did weird things and the kids always used to do pranks and stuff). I had the greatest friends and I lived in the best place ever! I was always happy and barely sad and I always was meeting new friends and fooling around in class. I was basically class clown. It was soo fun. But I moved here to America and it sucks. Here the town is super tiny (population 6,000) and people here are really annoying. Ever since I moved here I was never talking to anybody and I'm unsocial. I sit in my room and just cry. I always listen to songs me and my friend used to listen and just think what I would be doing if I was there. I still have contact with her but we barely text each other now. I feel the while world hates me. My school is super boring and everyone is boring. People try to make friends with me but they are just not my type. Either they are into sports (I'm not) or just reading or studying. My dad yells at me everyday because whenever I meet someone I behave rudely and I don't talk to them. His friends daughter wants to be friends with me but I don't want to. These people have really made my life depressing. I always think a friend will come when it's the right time. I'm waiting for that day when I will be happy. I cry myself to sleep every night and I cringe at the thought that I will be staying here until I will be in college. That's 8 years from now. I feel nobody will understand my feelings. :(

where have you lived?

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I feel like bawling reading these messages! I ALSO HATE WHERE I LIVE. I feel like I have given it 100% of my effort and I just dont think I will ever be happy in this hole of a town. I can't make friends because no one my age wants a Christian friend and no one who is close to my age lives close by. I've expressed to my family many times that I am unhappy here but they are convinced we couldn't make it anywhere else. They don't see what I see and the unhappiness it had brought to us is heart breaking. I feel very helpless. I so desperately want friends where I live but even if they had them there really isn't anything for me to do here if I had them. I wish I didn't feel this way but I just don't want anything to do with this place. Ugh.

What about joining some church groups

I am feeling a bit better reading that I'm not alone. I really do not like where I live either but it seems I am the only one. People are dying to live where I live, my husband and kids love it and I couldn't hate it more. It is beyond overpriced and I hate the cold summers. I am from the midwest and miss the down-to-earth people and neighborhoods, the long hot summers, thunderstorms, blizzards, etc. We cannot save a dime here because the cost of living is so ludicrous I cannot even fathom it most days. When I ask my husband why he loves it so much, he too gets irritated with me and tells me I am lucky to live here and shouldn't complain. I don't feel lucky. I feel trapped. And we have been here 14 years so there is no chance of us leaving as our kids are in middle and highschool. I just don't get it but I miss my midwest, my family and a reasonable savings account instead of sleepless nights worrying about how to make these endless ends meet. Why can't I just be happy here?

Hi Jenmillvalley1 - if you are actually living in mill valley then I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I moved from Chicago almost 4 years ago now because my husband grew up in the north bay and wanted to move back...I've tried to make it work, to be happy and there was a time when I thought I could, but it's just SO overpriced, people aren't friendly and it just seems so hard here. I really miss Chicago and my friends and our life there...

Same here! I actually grew up not even forty minutes from where I'm living now, and I married the most amazing man. When we got married, we temporarily moved across the country and it was perfect! The town where I grew up was very cliquey and I never truly felt like I fit in. However, when I lost my job, we ended up right back from where we started, this time with a newborn little boy. My husband was originally going to attend Perry Tech Institute to be a instrument's tech like his dad, but then he got a pay raise. I have no friends here, as I have always been the odd one out, and it looks like I'm going to be stuck here for quite a while. I also have very unpleasant memories associated with this place, something that happened while I was attending college, and honestly I feel afraid sometimes when I'm out and about. My husband bought a house. I don't want to be here but I feel like I have no choice. I used to be so happy, I feel like I've been an entirely different person since I had the dream of leaving since I've been a child, but now that dream is gone. I feel alone, unhappy, and unfulfilled. Yes, my husband has his dream job, and he has no idea how I feel. I should have explained this all to him before agreeing to even move back temporarily. I don't know how to get this across to him now, as I've waited so long. Any advice?

I have lived in Maryland for four years and still hate it!! I am truly starting to think that some places don't fit for people. When I think about having to live here longer I cry myself to sleep to.

Same here!!! I have lived in Maryland almost 4 years too, and I absolutely HATE it. I moved here from Boston to be with my husband who got a job here. I've tried to make friends and find a niche, but it hasn't happened. I find people here to be very standoffish and closed off, or just really flaky... It's been a long, lonely, stressful 4 years. We both commute 2 hours per day, and the traffic here is horrendous. I hope to move someday, but for now, we are just stuck. Where in Maryland do you live? I hope you've moved by now...

I am stuck in my husbands home town while he works 7 hours away from. His family is here but I miss mine desperately. I don't like it here, I have some pretty awesome friends here, but I'm homesick. We are stuck here for his kid who he only gets to see 4-5 days a month. Its been this way for 7 years and I'm fed up! His ex wife lives in this small town and is the nightmare ex. I don't want to be here anymore!!

Ditto. I've moved twice for my husband's career, both to small towns, and I am so miserable. I've tried being grateful that my husband is employed and that I have three healthy children, but I so badly want to be back in a larger place I was laid off from the one job I was able to find and have applied to over 25 other places. No luck in three years. I volunteer a lot and try to travel as much as possible. I still get very depressed especially when I realize I am probably stuck here til retirement. πŸ˜”

I just moved to that town too, The people here are all very wealthy and act super self-important. Everyone is always watching you everywhere you go *like you can see them staring at you* So are constantly judged, and looked down upon just for leaving your home. It's so bad in this town that I will literally drive 20 minutes out of my way to run my errands in the next town over. It's this southern, conservative, elitist attitude that everyone has that makes me want to vomit. I currently work customer service and i'm even considering quitting for a warehouse job b/c I feel as if i'm going to snap one day and get fired b/c of the terrible attitude these people walk into my store with. I've done customer service for over 10 years and I've never dealt with a bunch like the people that live in this town.

Wow, I am both so grateful and so sorry that all of you are experiencing something so similar to myself. I suppose it's easy to get lost in your own bubble of isolation. I moved to my area 4 years ago and realize it is a small, small town with a very high rate of turnover for non-retirees. I worked several random jobs and got along well with my coworkers, but I'm not one to try to make deep friendships from work (maybe that's a mistake but the workplace drama I've witnessed is enough to make me steer clear). So I tried, I joined local therater, performed music, went to meetups, joined a yoga studio, called (former) coworkers I got along with. Everything yielded a temporary sense of comraderie but that was it, little reciprocation, no follow up. Not true friendship in the least. I finally got tired of trying and have settled into learning to be happy doing without female friendships (close by anyways). After all the effort, giving up was a big relief. I figured, if I have to force everything, it can't be meant to be. I do have friends, very good friends, a few hours away and that has to be enough. I also think that logistics make friendship difficult as I move from my 20s to my 30s. We now have jobs, spouses, children, a larger family, and more narrow interests. All these things demand a LOT of time, not to mention shopping for groceries, cleaning house, gardening, etc etc etc. Really, I'd only have a few hours to spend with new friends a week anyways.....still it'd be nice.

I think the best thing I've done for myself here is learn to stop wanting to make new friends here and to focus on what I want, my career, my hobbies. It feels healthier. I suppose part of me still hopes to mvoe somewhere else down the line, somewhere with people more like myself.

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I,too,live in a very, VERY small town that is much like yours,very "cliquey". I cry all the time. The only job I can get is working for my parents for $4.50/hr,no health benefits,but it gives me a roof over my head and food to eat. I have zero friends. I've tried to no avail. I hate my job, my life,and honestly, my dog is the only reason I haven't offed myself. I have no money for gas to go anywhere as I make just enough to pay my bills with just a little over $30 left at the end of the month,assuming there were no unexpected expenses. I'm miserable. I have been here for over 6 yrs and it gets worse with every passing day. I moved last yr to be with what is now my ex,cuz he had a business and a home in TN. He was in a tragic accident just over a month after I got there that left him with both feet broken and needing surgery. Even though he was a partner with 1 other guy in the business, his partner fired him and took everything,leaving him with2 broken feet,no job to return to, no income,nothing. Basically, everything was taken from us. I had to care for him 24/7 and couldn't work because of that. His insurance wouldn't cover the cost of a home health aid which is why I couldn't go looking for a job. After 8 mos he was finally able to look for work again but it was during slow season for the work he has been doing for almost 10 yrs and took the first job that came along which paid him half of what he used to make. We were under constant stress. We would have to skip paying the utilities to pay the house payment and vice versa every other month. New Years Eve came and 2 hours into the new year the cops were called out after he attempted to break my arm after breaking my glasses? He had already thrown my dog out and my dog ran off into the woods. Long story short, my ex came back the next morning after running away from the house when he heard the cops were coming and he found my dog. 3 days later, we got into an argument and he called the cops on me cuz I yelled at him. Cops came out and removed him from the house. They took him to a motel where, overnight, he emptied out all the money in our joint acct,put in a formal change of address,and laid out plans to leave to go to FL. I didn't know til I went to put gas in my car and my card was declined as being "account not valid". Then I check with the bank and they tell me he went in and withdrew the money and closed the acct. I called my credit card companies to take his name off the accts and he had already maxed out one of the accts. I checked my personal acct that was used only for paying my car payment(and the only reason we even had a vehicle was because of the insurance settlement money that was in my private acct that was used for my loan)to find that he somehow accessed my acct and removed everything(over $20k). I was penniless and since he took off to another state, there was nothing I could do as the cops told me it was a civil matter. The day I found out he left for FL I received a notice on my door stating I had 5 days to pay $420 on the outstanding utilities or they'd be shut off. Then a letter comes in the mail the same day from the mortgage co stating we were behind in the house payment by 3 mos and if we didn't make a payment by bank check,money order, or cash in person by the due date, foreclosure proceedings would begin. Since the utilities were going to be shut off just as the 2nd arctic blast was to roll thru, I had 5 days to find homes for all our dogs, sell off as much as I could, get the money together to move back to my parents place in this shithole town. Obviously I made it cuz here I am, back in this miserable town, again, with no friends and no love life. There are no single ppl here in town and those that are aren't the type of person I would want to be with(they're single for a reason if you know what I mean). Closest town with any real inhabitants is 40 miles away and I don't have the money for gas to go out all the time. I'm constantly in pain on top of all these. I have degenerative disk disease with spina bifida occulta. I also battle with anxiety and clinical depression. I also have a spine that's riddled in arthritis, and my newest symptoms that started in Feb are severe pain in my hands and feet and losing feeling and control in my fingers. Someone who had the same thing told me it happened to them bcuz of a bulging disk in their neck. I also have severe asthma and have had seizures every now and then after being with a man that slammed the base of my head into some mugs so hard it broke them a few yrs ago. I had a seizure while driving which resulted in me totaling my ******(that's where the insurance payout money came from) so I'm scared to drive long distances. I feel all alone all the time and like I'm a prisoner here. If I meet anyone, I can't have them come over cuz my parents don't want ppl here in their home. I feel like d eath would be more than welcome at this point.

I just moved out in the middle of no where! We are 20 miles down a dirt road either direction. We are two hours from a grocery store and we do not even have a mail person. We have to drive 40 miles to get our mail. I'm afraid of becoming someone that just goes through the motion of life and this is for my husbands job :'(

Dang I wish this post was not from so long ago. I am feeling the same way. I am so fusterated I could scream. We moved here for my husbands job as well... And with two young boys under two its making me more crazy. I have my in laws here but ugh that's another story ... So no friends and no family ... So bored and lonely. There is not a lot to do in this small town, and I have met a few moms who seem not to friendly, I even reached out through a Facebook page to start a moms group, only one person showed up... I have been here for 3 years... I as well was such a people person out going loved to have fun. But I feel like I am loosing that part of myself. I miss having friends near by.

i feel exactly the same as you i moved here for the second time five years ago meeting my partner was what brought me back here,i have two children one to my partner which is a boy of 2,i have no real friends here just aquaintences which i have to go out to drink with to spend any time with really...and that isnt me i dont even like drinking really...i just feel so isolated and lonely i cry almost everyday which isnt healthy for me or for my children who see me crying,they prob just think its normal by now!! i dont think my partner can see how hard this is for me,he just thinks im moaning and feeling sorry for myself! i am that unhappy i take it out on the kids by snapping when i shouldnt, i just feel so guilty i actually hate myself at tmes and just think they would all be better off without me!!!

Sarah, I completely understand what you are saying. Everything you say I relate with. I think the young kids make it harder... I get the way you mentioned too.. ❀❀❀❀

I too can relate. The cliques in town have not welcomed me. When I first moved here 4 years ago this month, a hand full of moms in town requested me on Facebook, not to become friends but to snoop and then unfriend me. I grew up in a town of 3,500 but this town only has 1,000. The only activity for my 6 year old son is hockey. He doesn't want to play and I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. The kids in town are friendly but some take after their parents. There is a huge clique of moms with girls a year younger than my daughter. If the mom hasn't been accepted, her daughter is left out too. I've had problems with the only Daycare center in town as well. I do feel we are lucky to have one in such a small town but my daughter was missing for an hour before they even phoned me at work. She was supposed to walk to daycare after school which is right beside the school, forgot and went home but our house was locked. If it had of been winter she could of froze, then they wrote me up in their nasty newsletter for parents stating they can't have staff out looking for kids that don't show up after school. I never asked them too. They didn't phone me! Also there is a male teacher that does gym class for elementary. He has always graded my daughter below average. She is in many sport activities and is on the same baseball team as gym teachers daughter. He failed her in grade 3 gym. I phoned the school and asked for him to phone me regarding her mark. He returned my call 3 weeks later with an attitude. No one has EVER complained about him as a teacher. I asked is she refusing to participate, is that the problem. He said no but she needs to be on some sport teams like the other kids. Really, she is in figure skating, on the same team as your daughter and dance and swimming. What else is there for her to do. Ugh, done rant.

Yea I feel the same way :( I live on a tiny island in southern California... you're thinking paradise right? no think again... more clicky, tiny town that sucks your money dry so you can never leave it. my husband won't leave this place so what the hell am i supposed to do. went to school to be an herbalist and what do i do instead? stay at home.... all day... going nuts... i even meditate... do yoga... go on hikes... try and enjoy the beach... but after 7 years.... i feel like WTF i've literally spent 7 years of my life in 1/4 mile area.... you can never leave the island because it's so expensive just to get on the boat and back... you want to know how i grocery shop? i have to take a boat over with 2 huge coolers and stay in a hotel room that night and go back home with my ridiculously heavy load of food. i end up spending ridiculous amounts of money just to go grocery shopping because i have to get round-trip boat tickets and a hotel... just to go grocery shopping!!! i never see my family or travel because we just cant afford it... gas is $7.35!!!!!!!!!!!! and i feel lonely all the time. my husband works and i stay home... and he won't leave... where i can find better opportunity.... i can't stand this place... i was 19 when i moved here and am now 26... im starting to get grey hairs... just depresses the hell out of me to realize ive spent all my best years stuck within 1/4 mile... uuuugh i can't even think about it without crying

πŸ’™I think you should see if family or friends could help you get back over here , off that island. Search for some jobs that you went to school for. I know probably stuff you already thought of, right?. I just feel horrible for you . That doesn't seem healthy especially if you don't want to be there. Don't lose yourself just because he doesn't want to leave!!! Maybe he will follow you. πŸ’™

22 yrs ago I moved across country to be with my fiancee (now husband) and at first it was a great adventure. The novelty wore off after about 5 years. I realized that I have no desire to make friends or do anything because my philosophy and beliefs are so far removed from the population here, I feel like I live on another planet. We are stuck here because I have a great job I could never duplicate anywhere else, and my husband works in a field that is not hiring in this economy. I am so depressed to be so far from family and people I can relate to! This is like a nightmare that I can't wake from! It is beyond depressing to think about spending another year in a place that has never felt like home and never will....(sigh)

I moved all the way across the country to my wifes home town because of a job. I soon came to realized absolutely do not want to live here.even though she liked where we lived before and we agreed we would "try it out" whenever I bring up that I'd like to move back it turns into a big fight.I'm so frustrated sometimes I think I'll just move back by myself but I love her to much plus I have a child. I'm depressed I'm not out going like I used to be and have nothing in common with the people here.

I know how you feel. I moved to my wife's area and bought a house 9 years ago. It is in one of the coldest places in the US. I don't handle cold very well. As I write this, I am wearing a flannel long sleeve shirt and it is 80 degrees. The only job that I can find that will pay the bills requires me to drive over 2 hours a day. I have begged her for years to think about moving. Finally, in November last year we had weather of -30 with 50 mph winds start and it lasted off and on for 3 months. She asked me if we could move away to a warmer climate. BINGO! I thought. So I found a job, and we moved in May. Now since our house has not sold yet (these things take a while) she is depressed and wants to move back. If we do move back, I don't know how much longer I can take it.

I'm in a similar boat. We moved to the area where my wife grew up about 2 months ago and I detest it. I'm an outdoorsy person who enjoys hiking, beautiful scenery, etc and now we live in a hot, barren, concrete jungle. I really want to move back to an area that has beautiful surroundings with nice places to hike. Luckily my wife isn't over thrilled with the place any longer either. We are both wanting to move now but spent all our savings just to get here and are now in a lease. So now we wait...we wait until our lease is up and until we can save money. It sucks and I hate this place. Sometimes I don't even feel I can make it that long. I find myself extremely depressed.

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Hello, I feel 100% the same! I have to move not just to a new city for my husband's job, but to a new country! The country we are in has some lovely places, but we are in, what I consider, one of the worst cities. I have been here almost 4 years and feel like such an alien. I used to go out all the time, have friends, always be active and I feel like here I have become anti-social and closed off. I did try to get involved when I first arrived, but I really do not like the people (sorry) in this city so after a few bad experiences I basically just focus on my work and family and avoid contact with outsiders. This is NOT me. I have never been this way, but I have 0 desire to try here anymore and cannot wait to get out of here.

I feel your pain. I live in Savannah, Ga. And I DESPISE it. I have been trapped for four miserable years with no relief in sight. I hate the miserable weather, the awful low paying jobs, the crime and the boredom. I only have myself to blame. I found a kob for my spouse with good pay. I figured it would be lovely here. Wrong! I miss my family, my friends and life in a large city. I have cried for four years. There is a hell on earth, and I live there.

I relocated to a beautiful small community just outside Austin,Tx. where I had been living for years . I got divorced and wanted to secure a stable and good life for my daughter from kindergarten on. I could afford to buy a home here and got a job here too, making life easy without a commute . I was happy to find that less is more in a small town, enjoying the slower pace, escaping the over crowded city. I am 57 now and my daughter is about to turn 13. I still feel like I am an outsider and struggling with isolation. The cliques rule with kids and adults as well. I really do not want to be in a clique , I just want to have friends. I have many people I know, but, not a regular group to hang out with like we did have in Austin, An example is on Halloween, a big trailer pulling all the In people and their kids went passed my daughter and I trick or treating. They ignored us. It made my daughter feel left out. I would never want to treat people that way. these people go to church, yet they gossip and snob you and for what reason I can not figure out. I try to not take it personally . I have a good job, nice home and we are very kind and caring people. I have talked with others about the cliques and I am not alone with this experience. I can not afford to move back to Austin and I do not want to rock my daughter's world by uprooting her. This is a beautiful area, except for being isolated socially. I pray to God to help us find friends. It is very difficult being a single mom and an older one, and this experience of the cliques of a small town is so painful for myself and my daughter, I want to write a letter and send it to all the churches here so that maybe the sermon could reflect this experience I am sharing to open up people's eyes and hearts.

I moved here 6 years ago with my now ex-boyfriend. He took a job here and I found one shortly after. We broke up three years ago and I have literally moved 12 times in the city since I moved here initially. I could not afford the lifestyle that we had before when there were two of us so I kept having to room with people temporarily. I finally found a decent place in my price range in a safe part of town (and there aren't many here). The people are extremely rude here, nobody ever seems to laugh, lot's of anger and road rage, rampant crime, litter, depressed people and yes, cliques!!! What's up with the cliques??! I have been ready to move back to the NW for the last six years but can't seem to find a job there and too expensive to move. I am a mere shell of my former happy, lively self. I've stopped exercising (what's the point??). And yes, I am taking antidepressants so I am fully aware that I have a problem. I just wish my current job were in a different town.


I moved from LA to Bakersfield. I struggle with "am I not happy anywhere I live". Unhappiness follows me like a slug trail. But I can truly say I hate it here with every core of my being. This town represents everything I hate. I look on the web for anyone to say something good about the place and they all say how easy it to leave.

I could have written this exact post! I cannot wait to eventually move someday. I hope it's sooner than later. I worry something will happen to me and I told my husband to promise he doesn't bury me here. How pathetic is that!

I totally get what you are saying. I was planning to have that conversation with my husband very soon. I already told my son that not one molecule of me should be left in Nebraska if I die, which seems likely given the caliber of the medical profession here.

I'm stuck in NE too and hate it! What's with this place?

I'm stuck in Idaho and hate it too. The weather's great where I live and I know I should be happy to be here.

I was in idaho for a while too. All the beauty in the world can't make a place "home".

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You summed up my life last nine years. Moved to a town that I didn't want to live in but my mom was dying and wanted to see me in a house. Thought it would be a quick stepping stone but this town doesn't hold it's value and we made no money and hard to resell. You spoke my mind with how being so outgoing etc and this town has sucked the whole life out of me. I would rather cut my loses and rent an apartment and be happy loving my surroundings.

I feel like I could've written this! I feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY- I have never been so depressed for such a long time (3 years now) in my life- :(

This is almost word for word how I feel nolej95. I hope by now you are either happier where you are or have moved to somewhere that you are. If not, I will keep you and the rest of us in my prayers.

I have never done this before, and I'm hoping it helps to just get it off my chest. Maybe I am wrong how I perceive myself(I often think I may have a character flaw that I'm not aware of) But I think that I'm a fun, try to be positive most of the time,very loyal, honest, encouraging,very giving person. I know I have always overthought things, I care too deeply sometimes, and about everyone.

With that said, I was really happy where we lived last. No things weren't perfect , but I felt like I fit in. Everything from I knew the lady at the post office,loved our home/yard, loved my dry cleaner, grocery store, friends and church. I felt I had purpose there. I am a very spiritual, a Christ follower, not so much a religious person. But I do think that God does things for a This is almost word for word how I feel nolej95. I hope by now you are either happier where you are or have moved to somewhere that you are. If not, I will keep you and the rest of us in my prayers.

I have never done this before, and I'm hoping it helps to just get it off my chest. Maybe I am wrong how I perceive myself(I often think I may have a character flaw that I'm not aware of) But I think that I'm a fun, try to be positive most of the time,very loyal, honest, encouraging,very giving person. I know I have always over thought things, I care too deeply sometimes, and about everyone.

With that said, I was really happy where we lived last. No things weren't perfect , but I felt like I fit in. Everything from I knew the lady at the post office,loved our home/yard, loved my dry cleaner, grocery store, friends and church. I felt I had a purpose there. I am very spiritual, a Christ follower, not so much a religious person. But I do think that God does things for a reason, sometimes we see the reason and sometimes we don't. But our move here 7 years ago was very clear for awhile why we were moving. As happy as I was at our last hometown, my husband was not. He is not one to ever complain, but even though he worked for a great company that has been so good to us and still is, the hours were long and he never had holidays or weekends off. So with two two small children, that was hard on him, but again he never complained. Out of the blue he got a new boss that was a nightmare to live with. We tried everything not to have to move. He applied in different areas of the company and even other companies. To make a long story shorter, he had a job offer come up in the company that would move us and give my husband holidays,nights and weekends off. And from the time that we decided to move, God took over. Our house sold quickly in a slowing economy, and many other open doors and blessings along the way. Quickly after we moved we realized how wonderful it was to have my husband home on a more normal schedule. He rarely had time for anything extra before. So he loves it here. He now has time for friends and time to himself. My kids are now happily in Middle and High School. At first I felt like that God had sent us some quick close friends, and that we lived in the coolest neighborhood ever. We love our Pastor at our church and the style of church it is and I feel that we all learn something that makes us better people each week. But I too, have realized, that its very cliquely here. To the point that I really don't fit in anywhere. I know from moving a lot that it always takes a year or so to know if you are going to like a place. And I know you have to get out,get involved and try. I truly feel like I have. One of the biggest blessings that I know God moved us here for was that it's an 1hour and 45 mins from my hometown that I grew up in and all of my family still live in to this day. We had never lived this close before. After about a year here my father which was not married at the time, got tongue cancer and needed a lot of help. So I feel so thankful and blessed to have had that time with him before he passed away. It would have been so much harder to do living further away.

As you can see, I really do try to see the best in things but I constantly have feelings of hating it here and feeling trapped. My husband's parents have since moved here as well. With in-laws and with my mom and stepfather so close and both getting older, having a child that will be an upcoming junior, everyone loves it here but me, the housing market is better but we would not even break even if we did move...... makes me feel very trapped. Then when I feel this way I immediately feel awful. There are people that have real problems and I definitely don't have a right to whine about this.

I am humbly blessed with an awesome husband, healthy intelligent children, beautiful home, and many other blessings.

But as hard as I try I can't shake these feelings.

Although I hate that others are going through this it's comforting to know,that I'm not alone. But I don't want to stay in this place. Life is too precious to waste feeling like this. So I will keep praying and trust God through this. Thank you all for sharing.

Mrs. sasm1, Thank you very much for a great comforting letter for those who hate where they are living. I feel very trapped; therefore, thank you for bringing God to our side and for making us to see the good in our new place. You are right, the answer is God...He will be ne only one who will help me conquer this experience.

How are you doing now? I am in a very similar situation and I am really struggling with the thought of leaving my wonderful husband to get out of here. I feel like I am dying here - in every way - mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, etc... I have tried to like it here for 4 years and I hate it more all the time and I am just in survival mode - I want to leave and never look back. But I love my husband and don't want to leave him but he doesn't want to leave b/c of his job. I really would appreciate anyone's response - I am in a pretty dark place now and I know I will never feel at home here and I do not fit in at all. What to do? Anyone moved? Anyone (gulp...) left a spouse to get out of purgatory on earth? Regrets? Advice? please help?! Im in my early 30s.

i left my children back in england . Im an MS suffer , also have blood disorder and other alliment's . Ive come to the baja thinking i would better my life staying at my fathers . I have my youngest daughter with me , my life infact has got worse , we live in my room , do not see light of days most days , ive walked into this trap , my father does not realise the emotional harm we are suffering , i feel like im in hell and light seems so distant to me now . I had a life , i had my own home , i had my children , i had a man to love . gave it up for a cold room , my independence gone !! how do i get away ? how can i be free again ?

Thank God I am not alone. I moved here to help my mom help my aunt. It was really an excuse to leave a job I hated and an apartment I hated living alone in. Every since we moved here things started going wrong. I have a job but the pay sucks and is more then less then I am use to. The house I live in is too crowded and I feel my opinion doesn't count for sh** around here. I want to go back to the city so bad. I am just saving my money and taking off the first chance I get.

I agree with people saying they hate where they live. I've tried hard this time to fit in and join things and even start events to meet people. My husband lost his job after 9 months of working where there was no pleasing his boss. Since January 2012 we have been stuck here and even though WE CAN move, it's hard to do so with little money and no job to go to. He's tried to apply out of state but nothing has come of it. Last time it was nearly an offer but then the job would have been too much and he lacked the knowledge one of the the interviewers wanted. I hate it here now. Nothing has gone right since day one and I can't imagine staying here but we JUST CAN'T GET OUT!!!

I have lived all over United States and I get what your saying. The main thing is though because I have lived all over I have learned a valuable lesson. It really isn't ALL about where you live. Once you close the doors to your home you could be anywhere in the world and it would be the same..........I know you can't block out your surroundings like that but you have to try something right? Just be yourself and you will find people who think like you and you will have common ground and begin to not notice your "location" so much....Adapt best you can.......I live in a horrible place right now and although I miss alot I love what is behind the door when I close out the world

I know how you feel. I moved back to a city I had lived in before for around 31 years and I moved back because I thought I'd at least get to see my family and that did not work out as I'd planned. So me and my adult son been stuck here in this small city we don't like and we can't move out yet since we don't have enough money. We are both depressed and miserable; I think I am especially miserable. Ok back to you. I'm sorry you are not so pleased; do you keep in touch with your old friends?

@Nole I can totally understand how you feel. We moved to the small town that we are in 6 years ago. And I too feel like I have nothing. Yes my husband has a job to pay the bills, but that does not help when everyone around you makes you feel like you are not welcome. We have NO friends here and my children have no social lives either. I feel like a bad parent for moving them so far away from their family and friends to live here. It was not worth it at all. I only hope for both of us that the economy turns around and we can get to a better place where people are more accepting of others.

I hate where I live...I've been here for about 14 months. I never wanted to move to this small town but we had no choice because of my husband's job. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel so out of place and isolated that I want to rip my hair off ....it feels like groundhog's day here. I'm from the Midwest, which some may consider not as chaotic as Los Angeles or the East Coast but I have always lived near "stuff to do" (near restaurants, movie theatres, a Target). I also used to live in NYC for a few years so I am really used to people ignoring you. Here, I feel people stare at me because they can tell i'm not from around here (I'm also not white) and ask you where you're from (meaning what's your ethnicity). I feel different here. I'm not used to small town living; it's so quiet here. It's boring to me--I live in a retirement community too. There aren't a lot of options for restaurants or activities. The closest mall here sucks. If I want to go somewhere to go shopping in what I consider normal stores (Macy's, DSW, Nordstrom) I'd have to drive 2 hours away. I'm so sick of seeing Dollar Generals and trailers everywhere. I would die for a Dairy Queen or a 7Eleven....or anything else!

Nukehmi....sounds like you moved to my town. I have been here for 14 years...this month and wish to God I could leave.<br />
I have a very comfortable life, financially, but....the majority of the people here are cruel, immoral, uneducated and self centered.<br />
We have had our wedding rings, necklaces and cash (2,000+) stolen from us. These were friends that our children brought home.<br />
I have had kids stay here, b/c they do not have a place to live. It's so baffling, b/c this is an mid-upper middle class area. <br />
Today, a woman came to our home, w/her daughter, demanding her (daughter's) overnight bag back.) She came w/2 teen boys...for what??? back up, body guards/?? This reminds me of the Jersey Housewives...Danielle Staub. Ironically, we are in New Jersey. Well, I found the girl's bag and saw that she had some marijuana...so..I turned it over to the police, along w/her wallet. <br />
This same woman, ripped the screen on our front door, pushed her way into the house and accused us of keeping her daughter's bag. Mind you, I had given the girl a job, on last Sunday....where she made $125/day- clear and she is only 17. She had to work at a horse show. <br />
The frightening thing here is that the parents drink and smoke with their children and do the condone the crimes that they do to others.<br />
This story is mild, compared to other things we have faced here. <br />
I don't think I can stay here much longer. I have never been so depressed in my life. <br />
Thanks for listening everyone....it does help. :)

Empathize, hear you. Are we all living in the same town?

@ Nole,and i thought i was the only one who ever felt this strongly about a certain place.I feel the same way.My wife and 4 children and myself,moved to a small town in Ky,after my company offered me a bigger position for more money.Coincidentally,my wife has family about 40 miles from where the job offer was,so i figured maybe a change would be nice...WRONG!!!.For starters,i could not find a house in our price range close enough to my job,so we moved to the small town where my wife's family lives.Its been a nightmare ever since.I feel like an outsider all the time,and i guess because of my east coast accent,when i walk into the local grocery store,i feel all eyes are upon me.There is nothing to do in this place,literally.The closest shopping mall is 45 minutes away.no one will give you the time of day if your not from here,or belong to a certain clique.And to make matters worse,i got laid off a few monthes ago.I want to move back east so bad i can almost taste it.And yes this place has truly brought the jeckyl and hyde out in me.

My husband moved me from east coast FL to small town KY and I HATE it. He gets mad when I complain. Says I haven't given it a chance, blah blah blah. We've been here 2 years. How much more must I suffer to give it a chance? His job is way more time consuming than he lead me to believe it would be. He wont move. Should I leave with all my kids? Is that selfish or do I stay miserable? I hope your situation is better.

My husband convinced me to move from ny to nj. I did not want to move but he said if I didn't like it that we could move again. After a year I said that I hated it and the girls were young and would adapt if we moved again. He said no and informed me I was stuck. Twenty years later, I am so resentful and have come to hate him. I thought recently there was a chance to move but our oldest daughter and grandson is moving back home and once again I'm going no where. I have no job skills and have been out of the work force for decades. I am pushing 60 years old and realize I am destined to be miserable. Take your kids and run if you can. I should have done that when I had the chance. Don't turn into a bitter woman like me.

I feel you I really do

When I lost my job in NYC after 911 I had to take the first job offer I got, that job was in a city I hate. I always thought this situation would be temporary. Then, after five years I was offered an even better job that included housing -- in this same horrible town. So now I live in a beautiful house -- one I could never afford, and a great job but... I still hate it here. <br />
<br />
The people here are rude, the traffic is terrible, there is virtually no parking no matter where you go. Even though this is a big city with tons of stuff to do, it makes no sense to even leave the house because it is so difficult to get around. And quite frankly, as a single woman I would be afraid to go out alone.<br />
<br />
So I am stuck. I can't leave this great job and I can't walk away from the provided housing. I just wish I could embrace the amazing things I have and accept that this IS my life.

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