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I'm Trapped Here

I moved here because my husband wanted to take a job here.  I love my husband and we truly could not afford to live where we had been previously.  I was sad to leave.  I used to be a happy go lucky kind of person, lots of friends, not too much conflict or depression.  This place, this town, has brought out the absolute worst in me.  I am so lonely.  It's full of cliques and exclusivity, possibly because it is a smaller town.  I hate cliques.  More than anything.  I feel like I have really tried here, and still after more than four years, I am still lonely, feel like an outsider and would move tomorrow.  I just can't get my act together and it makes me so mad!  So, I'm stuck.  I tell myself, I should be grateful that my husband has a job that he likes that pays the bills in this awful economy.  Our church is great, but there again, it too, can be cliquey.  I've lived all over the place since I was 15, and I've never had such a hard time as I do here.  I'm so glad I found a place where I can vent, and where others feel similarly.  I'm going to go cry myself to sleep again.

nolej95 nolej95 36-40 18 Responses Aug 22, 2009

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I relocated to a beautiful small community just outside Austin,Tx. where I had been living for years . I got divorced and wanted to secure a stable and good life for my daughter from kindergarten on. I could afford to buy a home here and got a job here too, making life easy without a commute . I was happy to find that less is more in a small town, enjoying the slower pace, escaping the over crowded city. I am 57 now and my daughter is about to turn 13. I still feel like I am an outsider and struggling with isolation. The cliques rule with kids and adults as well. I really do not want to be in a clique , I just want to have friends. I have many people I know, but, not a regular group to hang out with like we did have in Austin, An example is on Halloween, a big trailer pulling all the In people and their kids went passed my daughter and I trick or treating. They ignored us. It made my daughter feel left out. I would never want to treat people that way. these people go to church, yet they gossip and snob you and for what reason I can not figure out. I try to not take it personally . I have a good job, nice home and we are very kind and caring people. I have talked with others about the cliques and I am not alone with this experience. I can not afford to move back to Austin and I do not want to rock my daughter's world by uprooting her. This is a beautiful area, except for being isolated socially. I pray to God to help us find friends. It is very difficult being a single mom and an older one, and this experience of the cliques of a small town is so painful for myself and my daughter, I want to write a letter and send it to all the churches here so that maybe the sermon could reflect this experience I am sharing to open up people's eyes and hearts.

I moved here 6 years ago with my now ex-boyfriend. He took a job here and I found one shortly after. We broke up three years ago and I have literally moved 12 times in the city since I moved here initially. I could not afford the lifestyle that we had before when there were two of us so I kept having to room with people temporarily. I finally found a decent place in my price range in a safe part of town (and there aren't many here). The people are extremely rude here, nobody ever seems to laugh, lot's of anger and road rage, rampant crime, litter, depressed people and yes, cliques!!! What's up with the cliques??! I have been ready to move back to the NW for the last six years but can't seem to find a job there and too expensive to move. I am a mere shell of my former happy, lively self. I've stopped exercising (what's the point??). And yes, I am taking antidepressants so I am fully aware that I have a problem. I just wish my current job were in a different town.

ME TOO.

I moved from LA to Bakersfield. I struggle with "am I not happy anywhere I live". Unhappiness follows me like a slug trail. But I can truly say I hate it here with every core of my being. This town represents everything I hate. I look on the web for anyone to say something good about the place and they all say how easy it to leave.

I could have written this exact post! I cannot wait to eventually move someday. I hope it's sooner than later. I worry something will happen to me and I told my husband to promise he doesn't bury me here. How pathetic is that!

I totally get what you are saying. I was planning to have that conversation with my husband very soon. I already told my son that not one molecule of me should be left in Nebraska if I die, which seems likely given the caliber of the medical profession here.

I'm stuck in NE too and hate it! What's with this place?

You summed up my life last nine years. Moved to a town that I didn't want to live in but my mom was dying and wanted to see me in a house. Thought it would be a quick stepping stone but this town doesn't hold it's value and we made no money and hard to resell. You spoke my mind with how being so outgoing etc and this town has sucked the whole life out of me. I would rather cut my loses and rent an apartment and be happy loving my surroundings.

I feel like I could've written this! I feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY- I have never been so depressed for such a long time (3 years now) in my life- :(

This is almost word for word how I feel nolej95. I hope by now you are either happier where you are or have moved to somewhere that you are. If not, I will keep you and the rest of us in my prayers.

I have never done this before, and I'm hoping it helps to just get it off my chest. Maybe I am wrong how I perceive myself(I often think I may have a character flaw that I'm not aware of) But I think that I'm a fun, try to be positive most of the time,very loyal, honest, encouraging,very giving person. I know I have always overthought things, I care too deeply sometimes, and about everyone.

With that said, I was really happy where we lived last. No things weren't perfect , but I felt like I fit in. Everything from I knew the lady at the post office,loved our home/yard, loved my dry cleaner, grocery store, friends and church. I felt I had purpose there. I am a very spiritual, a Christ follower, not so much a religious person. But I do think that God does things for a This is almost word for word how I feel nolej95. I hope by now you are either happier where you are or have moved to somewhere that you are. If not, I will keep you and the rest of us in my prayers.

I have never done this before, and I'm hoping it helps to just get it off my chest. Maybe I am wrong how I perceive myself(I often think I may have a character flaw that I'm not aware of) But I think that I'm a fun, try to be positive most of the time,very loyal, honest, encouraging,very giving person. I know I have always over thought things, I care too deeply sometimes, and about everyone.

With that said, I was really happy where we lived last. No things weren't perfect , but I felt like I fit in. Everything from I knew the lady at the post office,loved our home/yard, loved my dry cleaner, grocery store, friends and church. I felt I had a purpose there. I am very spiritual, a Christ follower, not so much a religious person. But I do think that God does things for a reason, sometimes we see the reason and sometimes we don't. But our move here 7 years ago was very clear for awhile why we were moving. As happy as I was at our last hometown, my husband was not. He is not one to ever complain, but even though he worked for a great company that has been so good to us and still is, the hours were long and he never had holidays or weekends off. So with two two small children, that was hard on him, but again he never complained. Out of the blue he got a new boss that was a nightmare to live with. We tried everything not to have to move. He applied in different areas of the company and even other companies. To make a long story shorter, he had a job offer come up in the company that would move us and give my husband holidays,nights and weekends off. And from the time that we decided to move, God took over. Our house sold quickly in a slowing economy, and many other open doors and blessings along the way. Quickly after we moved we realized how wonderful it was to have my husband home on a more normal schedule. He rarely had time for anything extra before. So he loves it here. He now has time for friends and time to himself. My kids are now happily in Middle and High School. At first I felt like that God had sent us some quick close friends, and that we lived in the coolest neighborhood ever. We love our Pastor at our church and the style of church it is and I feel that we all learn something that makes us better people each week. But I too, have realized, that its very cliquely here. To the point that I really don't fit in anywhere. I know from moving a lot that it always takes a year or so to know if you are going to like a place. And I know you have to get out,get involved and try. I truly feel like I have. One of the biggest blessings that I know God moved us here for was that it's an 1hour and 45 mins from my hometown that I grew up in and all of my family still live in to this day. We had never lived this close before. After about a year here my father which was not married at the time, got tongue cancer and needed a lot of help. So I feel so thankful and blessed to have had that time with him before he passed away. It would have been so much harder to do living further away.

As you can see, I really do try to see the best in things but I constantly have feelings of hating it here and feeling trapped. My husband's parents have since moved here as well. With in-laws and with my mom and stepfather so close and both getting older, having a child that will be an upcoming junior, everyone loves it here but me, the housing market is better but we would not even break even if we did move...... makes me feel very trapped. Then when I feel this way I immediately feel awful. There are people that have real problems and I definitely don't have a right to whine about this.

I am humbly blessed with an awesome husband, healthy intelligent children, beautiful home, and many other blessings.

But as hard as I try I can't shake these feelings.

Although I hate that others are going through this it's comforting to know,that I'm not alone. But I don't want to stay in this place. Life is too precious to waste feeling like this. So I will keep praying and trust God through this. Thank you all for sharing.

Mrs. sasm1, Thank you very much for a great comforting letter for those who hate where they are living. I feel very trapped; therefore, thank you for bringing God to our side and for making us to see the good in our new place. You are right, the answer is God...He will be ne only one who will help me conquer this experience.

i left my children back in england . Im an MS suffer , also have blood disorder and other alliment's . Ive come to the baja thinking i would better my life staying at my fathers . I have my youngest daughter with me , my life infact has got worse , we live in my room , do not see light of days most days , ive walked into this trap , my father does not realise the emotional harm we are suffering , i feel like im in hell and light seems so distant to me now . I had a life , i had my own home , i had my children , i had a man to love . gave it up for a cold room , my independence gone !! how do i get away ? how can i be free again ?

Thank God I am not alone. I moved here to help my mom help my aunt. It was really an excuse to leave a job I hated and an apartment I hated living alone in. Every since we moved here things started going wrong. I have a job but the pay sucks and is more then less then I am use to. The house I live in is too crowded and I feel my opinion doesn't count for sh** around here. I want to go back to the city so bad. I am just saving my money and taking off the first chance I get.

I agree with people saying they hate where they live. I've tried hard this time to fit in and join things and even start events to meet people. My husband lost his job after 9 months of working where there was no pleasing his boss. Since January 2012 we have been stuck here and even though WE CAN move, it's hard to do so with little money and no job to go to. He's tried to apply out of state but nothing has come of it. Last time it was nearly an offer but then the job would have been too much and he lacked the knowledge one of the the interviewers wanted. I hate it here now. Nothing has gone right since day one and I can't imagine staying here but we JUST CAN'T GET OUT!!!

I have lived all over United States and I get what your saying. The main thing is though because I have lived all over I have learned a valuable lesson. It really isn't ALL about where you live. Once you close the doors to your home you could be anywhere in the world and it would be the same..........I know you can't block out your surroundings like that but you have to try something right? Just be yourself and you will find people who think like you and you will have common ground and begin to not notice your "location" so much....Adapt best you can.......I live in a horrible place right now and although I miss alot I love what is behind the door when I close out the world

I know how you feel. I moved back to a city I had lived in before for around 31 years and I moved back because I thought I'd at least get to see my family and that did not work out as I'd planned. So me and my adult son been stuck here in this small city we don't like and we can't move out yet since we don't have enough money. We are both depressed and miserable; I think I am especially miserable. Ok back to you. I'm sorry you are not so pleased; do you keep in touch with your old friends?

@Nole I can totally understand how you feel. We moved to the small town that we are in 6 years ago. And I too feel like I have nothing. Yes my husband has a job to pay the bills, but that does not help when everyone around you makes you feel like you are not welcome. We have NO friends here and my children have no social lives either. I feel like a bad parent for moving them so far away from their family and friends to live here. It was not worth it at all. I only hope for both of us that the economy turns around and we can get to a better place where people are more accepting of others.

I hate where I live...I've been here for about 14 months. I never wanted to move to this small town but we had no choice because of my husband's job. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel so out of place and isolated that I want to rip my hair off ....it feels like groundhog's day here. I'm from the Midwest, which some may consider not as chaotic as Los Angeles or the East Coast but I have always lived near "stuff to do" (near restaurants, movie theatres, a Target). I also used to live in NYC for a few years so I am really used to people ignoring you. Here, I feel people stare at me because they can tell i'm not from around here (I'm also not white) and ask you where you're from (meaning what's your ethnicity). I feel different here. I'm not used to small town living; it's so quiet here. It's boring to me--I live in a retirement community too. There aren't a lot of options for restaurants or activities. The closest mall here sucks. If I want to go somewhere to go shopping in what I consider normal stores (Macy's, DSW, Nordstrom) I'd have to drive 2 hours away. I'm so sick of seeing Dollar Generals and trailers everywhere. I would die for a Dairy Queen or a 7Eleven....or anything else!

Nukehmi....sounds like you moved to my town. I have been here for 14 years...this month and wish to God I could leave.<br />
I have a very comfortable life, financially, but....the majority of the people here are cruel, immoral, uneducated and self centered.<br />
We have had our wedding rings, necklaces and cash (2,000+) stolen from us. These were friends that our children brought home.<br />
I have had kids stay here, b/c they do not have a place to live. It's so baffling, b/c this is an mid-upper middle class area. <br />
Today, a woman came to our home, w/her daughter, demanding her (daughter's) overnight bag back.) She came w/2 teen boys...for what??? back up, body guards/?? This reminds me of the Jersey Housewives...Danielle Staub. Ironically, we are in New Jersey. Well, I found the girl's bag and saw that she had some marijuana...so..I turned it over to the police, along w/her wallet. <br />
This same woman, ripped the screen on our front door, pushed her way into the house and accused us of keeping her daughter's bag. Mind you, I had given the girl a job, on last Sunday....where she made $125/day- clear and she is only 17. She had to work at a horse show. <br />
The frightening thing here is that the parents drink and smoke with their children and do the condone the crimes that they do to others.<br />
This story is mild, compared to other things we have faced here. <br />
I don't think I can stay here much longer. I have never been so depressed in my life. <br />
Thanks for listening everyone....it does help. :)

Empathize, hear you. Are we all living in the same town?

@ Nole,and i thought i was the only one who ever felt this strongly about a certain place.I feel the same way.My wife and 4 children and myself,moved to a small town in Ky,after my company offered me a bigger position for more money.Coincidentally,my wife has family about 40 miles from where the job offer was,so i figured maybe a change would be nice...WRONG!!!.For starters,i could not find a house in our price range close enough to my job,so we moved to the small town where my wife's family lives.Its been a nightmare ever since.I feel like an outsider all the time,and i guess because of my east coast accent,when i walk into the local grocery store,i feel all eyes are upon me.There is nothing to do in this place,literally.The closest shopping mall is 45 minutes away.no one will give you the time of day if your not from here,or belong to a certain clique.And to make matters worse,i got laid off a few monthes ago.I want to move back east so bad i can almost taste it.And yes this place has truly brought the jeckyl and hyde out in me.

My husband moved me from east coast FL to small town KY and I HATE it. He gets mad when I complain. Says I haven't given it a chance, blah blah blah. We've been here 2 years. How much more must I suffer to give it a chance? His job is way more time consuming than he lead me to believe it would be. He wont move. Should I leave with all my kids? Is that selfish or do I stay miserable? I hope your situation is better.

My husband convinced me to move from ny to nj. I did not want to move but he said if I didn't like it that we could move again. After a year I said that I hated it and the girls were young and would adapt if we moved again. He said no and informed me I was stuck. Twenty years later, I am so resentful and have come to hate him. I thought recently there was a chance to move but our oldest daughter and grandson is moving back home and once again I'm going no where. I have no job skills and have been out of the work force for decades. I am pushing 60 years old and realize I am destined to be miserable. Take your kids and run if you can. I should have done that when I had the chance. Don't turn into a bitter woman like me.

When I lost my job in NYC after 911 I had to take the first job offer I got, that job was in a city I hate. I always thought this situation would be temporary. Then, after five years I was offered an even better job that included housing -- in this same horrible town. So now I live in a beautiful house -- one I could never afford, and a great job but... I still hate it here. <br />
<br />
The people here are rude, the traffic is terrible, there is virtually no parking no matter where you go. Even though this is a big city with tons of stuff to do, it makes no sense to even leave the house because it is so difficult to get around. And quite frankly, as a single woman I would be afraid to go out alone.<br />
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So I am stuck. I can't leave this great job and I can't walk away from the provided housing. I just wish I could embrace the amazing things I have and accept that this IS my life.

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