Share my story? This is probably the most difficult story I've ever had to write. I hate who I've become. I look in the mirror and think 'Who is that person staring back at me?' The things I've done to that poor guy and how in the world he still cares is beyond me. I for one would be the first to stand up and say I hate me and would not care for me if I was in his shoes. I hate myself so much sometimes its unbelievable!
Let me try and explain. I've been seeing my boyfriend for three years just passed there. I drink a lot these days. I never stop actually and I've been stuck in this rut for a long time. I look into his beautiful blue eyes and just see so much love, yet I potentially destroy it with every step I take.
I don't blame him because, well that's just absurd! I accept full responsibilty for my actions. I'm weak, and a coward, and rather than admitting I'm hurting I say nothing and just white-wash it with copious amounts of alcohol.
I'm a social person when I'm drunk, to say the least. How sad is that? I fully admit I feel more comfortable in a social setting if I've had more than a few in me, and im 19; supposedly in my prime. Trouble is, I prefer to talk to 'perfect strangers' about what's going on in my head than admit it to him. He has enough problems with trying to find work and attempting to do something with his life rather than sitting around smoking bongs. He would never go out. I missed him so much when I was out with a few friends and they had their special person, when I was left sitting alone as usual..
Yeah I give up