Worrying About Work, Money, Relationships . . . You Know, The Big Things?

I just found this category while snooping through another member's experience bureau.  It resonated with me immediately, as this is something I've had trouble with, off and on, for years and years.  Not constantly, all the time, or every day, but often enough to know it's not a healthy obsession for me. 

The alternative, of course -- no doubt the healthy way to live -- is to focus on today, this hour, or whatever projects are on the front burner right now.  Heaven knows that I always have enough to keep my busy, if I'd just focus on them.  Way back when, I used to worry about how I'd get by after university was over.  Before that, it was what the hell do I have to do to get into university, anyway?  More recently, and it's happened more times than I care to admit in the last few years, is during bouts of unemployment wondering how I'm going to make ends meet -- even though I always somehow manage.  Will I be able to go out and enjoy myself?  Why does it seem like I don't have enough friends?  What are the most important things I should be working on right now to improve myself?  When do I finally get to fall in love with a woman who doesn't already have a boyfriend, or who will like me for who I am?  Will my car last enough half-year without a tune-up?

I'm pleased to say that I'm okay more than I'm not.  Still, these nagging questions keep nagging me.  I hope that means I'm normal -- I'm guessing everyone has these concerns sometimes?  Over the last few years I've also attended a 12-step group.  Not AA, one of the other ones.  Man, reaching out (and I'm not famous for that) has made a difference.  A lot of the material is based on the AA Big Book, though.  One of the passages that often helps me get through, if not assuage my concerns, is Acceptance:  how I need to distinguish between those things that I can change and those I can not, and that those things I cannot change I am powerless to do anything about.  I need to accept them as being exactly the way they are supposed to be at that moment, even if I can't condone, like, or ignore them.

And, so, I keep going, one day at a time.  I can't always do a lot about the big things, so sometimes I just take care of the little stuff.  Making little differences is okay, too, even it means taking a break from all my worries.
UnderEli UnderEli
46-50, M
1 Response Jul 23, 2010

Thank-you for your feedback. The people I've met and got to know through my 12-step program are people I trust with information I cannot share anywhere else. Although our experiences aren't exactly alike, they're similar enough to consider them shared experiences. I stayed away from meetings for over half-a-year, then returned recently over worries I was going to engage in obsessive behaviors again. It's a place where I can feel safe "outing" myself, in a way I couldn't with my other friends. Going to 12-step isn't the whole answer, of course. That has to come from me. It has been incredibly beneficial, knowing that I'm not alone with the issues that consume me.