1 Year Out Of 18 Of My Life.

  Fifth grade... fifth grade... fifth grade...

Oh yeah!


Like I could forget... By the start of 5th grade I had already been switched schools 4 times not to mention the excessive amount of preschools I'd attended. Oh but this was not enough! I was back in an old school I'd attended in grade 3. My teacher hated me. No joke, she'd always give me looks like I was just unappealing and she'd always dote on this group of girls that were near silly. I'd broken my finger and had it in a cast during the basketball phase of gym, so I couldn't participate. I asked it I could sit off and she told me I'd have to walk around the gym until class was over. During laps one day I asked if I could got to the bathroom and she'd said No, I could wait. Right afterwards those girls asked if they could go and she let them. Not only one but a group of them clearly not going to actually USE the toilets whereas I really had to go pee.

My trouble with the teacher was the least of my issues anyway, Earlier my mom had been swindled out of her position at her job by her best friend whilst she was on vacation, thus my mother was having a mental breakdown and ended up leaving home to make money in another part of the country. She paid our family friend over and look after us for 3 months, but my sisters were all considerably older at this time (I have four older sisters), and they prty much all left home to live with their friends, or came back just to party and rest. The girl that was supposed to be looking after us was there only a few times and she would joke about my dad who I hadn't seen very often coming and taking us away. The thing is I'd always known my dad to be a little deranged so the thought terrified me. Other than that, I remember the house being fairly empty during that time, not only vacant of people but vacant of food too.

I think it was near or after christmas my mom came back? And then it was just real parties. I remember watching my whole family get drunk, with boyfriends and other crazy people... they'd try to get me to drink but I wouldn't, I just watched most of the time, worried. Most of the time very worried, especially for my mother who would go out the the bars drinking all night and nobody had seen her in the morning, I'd ask all my sisters but they'd just say she'd be back later. I was terrified of something going wrong, so I would wait and wait until she came back... safe and happy. And then repeat. Having to watch guys slop all over her. And be pushed away like I didn't know what they were trying to do to her when she was drunk, my mom could take care of herself I assure you but I had to watch and I couldn't stand being so ******* helpless.. I was 9 I think?

I wasn't going to school so much anymore, and sometime later, you know that place my mom had been working at in another part of the country? Well, we moved there, into one of her friend's apartment. It was undecided if we would stay there or not so I was out of school the whole time, I think we were there for just over a month? we slept in a single room with 3 different mattresses all piled and squished in or something. The couple that lived there had a son that always watched Monsters Inc. over and over. After that my mom sent us off at the airport to live with our grandma on the other side of the country. She was drunk, and her boyfriend or whatever was there, and they sent us off drunk. I then lived with my grandma for over a month, she enrolled me in a school there but I had trouble making friends. My sisters were in high school and they sort of did their own thing. I had to sleep in the same room with my cousin that my grandma adored more than any of us, and nobody would let me call my mom. After a while we'd heard she'd been in a prty bad car accident where the car had rolled 3 times and she was in the hospital. Yet again I was terrified and so I managed to call her one night, after everyone told me she was ohk, I just had to talk to her. She was happy and distant. She didn't care, she didn't notice how worried I was, She was alright. My grandma realized I was on the phone that night and told me I'd have to end the call soon. I said goodbye and all was good. I cried my eyes out that night.

After a month or so there it was decided that we weren't going to live there either, so my mom flew us back to the house that I'd been living in at the start of grade five. I'm not sure what happened so munch then, or when what was. I think the partying so much with the alcohol actually happened during this time, and the house vacancy was more in the beginning... that makes sense, it was this time that I was subjected to the late nights out at bars and parties at home and people trying to get me drunk too. I'm not sure of this time line, I just remember moving at spring break somewhere else and going to a new school again. I stayed at that school for the last 3 months of the school year, but moved again during that time.

I don't so much care about everything that happened, as much as I care about home much it hurt me to see my mom like that. She'd been really professional beforehand. Really reliable. I can't remember all the nights I was left alone and cried for hours without being able to sleep with worry. How much I missed her.. I'll admit it, I was terribly worried that entire year. And terribly hurt that didn't realize how much I cared. I know she was hurting.. Oh right, to explain it better she wasn't only back stabbed by her best friend, the love of her life also cheated on her with this woman. So she was having a prty bad mental breakdown because of it. My moms been through a lot too.

Any ways this was just one year. I tried to summarize it to only the important details.

imustbecrazy imustbecrazy
Feb 12, 2010